The man I'm dating told me he'd like me to stay home after kids, I don't want to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here so offended? There's nothing wrong with a traditional marriage, plenty of people go that route. I used to have a career but when my boy was born I realized how important it was for me and the family to stay with him and to not miss any steps. Having kids is a life changing experience and the things you want today might not be important tomorrow.

I’ve always wanted a traditional marriage and am very comfortable witness traditional gender roles for myself, but I would also advise OP to think carefully before continuing this relationship. The point is that you want a partner who will listen to and respect what you want, and a partner whose vision of the future matches up with yours. This guy sounds like neither. You are unlikely to change each others’ minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kick him back to the Stone Age. You would not be happy long term. One reason I love my husband is that he has always supported the career choices I made and he made no attempt to tell me what to do.

Exactly....time to move on.

[Anonymous]

^*with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's saying "I want kids, but I don't want to take care of them". I understand that many things happen along the road that push parents to different roles, but someone who says that at the beginning is probably not interested to be a parent.

Lol that's exactly what he's saying. Believe people when they tell you who they are. And hey, it takes all kinds and the world keeps spinning. But you were warned, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here so offended? There's nothing wrong with a traditional marriage, plenty of people go that route. I used to have a career but when my boy was born I realized how important it was for me and the family to stay with him and to not miss any steps. Having kids is a life changing experience and the things you want today might not be important tomorrow.

Because he’s a man unthinkingly believing he is entitled to female domestic labor. not that hard to understand.

[Anonymous]

This is all hypothetical.We don’t know what this OP person’s personality is like or what she looks like. She might be (and she sounds) neurotic. This guy might be the best she will ever get.

Everything else is projection based on your own assets. OP may be low assets.

[Anonymous]

But the thing is… you won’t really know what YOU truly want until you have them! At least you know you have the option of staying home if you want to.

With my dh, we both wanted me to SAh. After 18 mos, I knew I needed to go back to work. At that point, My dh totally supported me. I started back PT and through the years changed a few roles, added more hours and now out earn DH.

I have also had friends who wanted to work and then changed mind one baby, others who DHs were very big earners but demanded their wife’s work. The ones who DHs demanded they work have never had really happy marriages.

All that to say, one truly never knows what works for them until you are in the situation!

[Anonymous]

Agree with above PP post. One reason american women are not having babies and families is over planning and over thinking

Nothing is certain in love or your future. Nothing stops success - even a child and the time they require. Being an energetic parent is awesome. Just sayin’

[Anonymous]

Run to the hills as fast as you can.. People get worse with kids, not better. I am surprised that young guys would be so rigid. How old is he OP?

[Anonymous]

DTMF. Run, OP, and don’t look back. You are not compatible and now this guy is wasting your precious time. Freeze your eggs if you need to and keep looking. This guy is not good for you.

[Anonymous]

Men are obsolete with science and industry

Children do not need biological fathers and women do quite fine solo parenting by choice. You can design your life, and pick the bio dad of your choice .— and get it done exactly the way YOU want it! Then you don’t have to post and worry about your uncertain future!

[Anonymous]

how long have you been dating him? What would happen if he becomes more of an ass or cheater in after you married? What kind of father do you think he would be? Do you want the choice to stay home or work to be yours?

[Anonymous]

SAH is not right or wrong. But you aren't compatible if you want him to share in taking care of the kids, because he has said he doesn't want to - don't expect that to change. If your HHI would be high enough to pay for a nanny and other time-saving expenses while you both work, have another conversation with him. Help him understand how continuing to work will make you a better mom (because it feels something you need as a person, or whatever your reasons are) than you would be if you SAH and what the two of you could do to make it work. See how he responds and if there is mutual respect. Don't go forward if there is not mutual respect. If you do go forward, be prepared that you will be the one who has to take the sacrifice if plan A of hiring a nanny, etc., doesn't work out -- because, again, he's said he doesn't want to take care of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how long have you been dating him? What would happen if he becomes more of an ass or cheater in after you married? What kind of father do you think he would be? Do you want the choice to stay home or work to be yours?

OP. Have been dating him for almost one year. Yeah, those are the things I'm afraid of.

[Anonymous]

If you have pcos you will need ivf anyway.