Dating a guy I’m crazy about but have concerns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 and he is 26. In many ways he is my dream man! Handsome, sweet, well-read, worldly and smart. So kind and adores me!

I want to get married and have children. It is the only real goal I have for myself. And I worry as I realize that having that family lifestyle in Nova requires a certain income. I do not come from money and work at a non profit as a program assistant. My BF makes only a little more than me as a research analyst even though he has a masters from SAIS.

I guess it’s occurring to me that neither of us in on the path to make a lot of money and then…how will we get married, buy a house and have children?


It makes me worry. I love him SO much and I don’t want to act like a gold digger by breaking up with him because I don’t think he’ll ever be able to afford a family… what do I do?

You should get a job that pays more now while you are young and can invest it and have time to learn new skills. It’s easy to transfer skills from business to nonprofit, not so easy the other way around if you ever need to later in life.

Also, I don’t recommend fully leaving the workplace for a long period of time - even though childcare costs similar to a low professional salary, think of it as costing you experience and learning which would translate to much higher pay decades later. This is what my XH convinced me of at the time and now I see that it wasn’t a nanny’s pay vs mine, it was the fact that my salary would likely grow in that decade to eventually be much higher but instead I stopped, and when I got back into work I was starting at bottom again.

I wish I could tell younger me these things. I’m doing ok now and love my kids. I also got divorced.

Signed, 41 yo divorced mom of 4 who was working at a nonprofit in her 20s

[Anonymous]

OP you are not the first woman to date a wonderful, but low-earning man. Start here:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1181452.page

[Anonymous]

At your age, considering you're fit, you could probably make some good money on OnlyFans or Chaturbate. Something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Program assistant" = secretary.

Your BF's future seems fine with his education. You're the one who needs to pull up.

What’s wrong with being an assistant or secretary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Program assistant" = secretary.

Your BF's future seems fine with his education. You're the one who needs to pull up.

What’s wrong with being an assistant or secretary?

Nothing, so long as you don’t mind being poor in one of the highest COL regions in the country, and possibly bringing kids into a childhood of poverty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you move to a lower cost of living area?

This. Or rent. You don't even have kids yet; there's plenty of time to live super cheap now and save up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Program assistant" = secretary.

Your BF's future seems fine with his education. You're the one who needs to pull up.

What’s wrong with being an assistant or secretary?

Nothing, so long as you don’t mind being poor in one of the highest COL regions in the country, and possibly bringing kids into a childhood of poverty.

GMAFB. The child of two married professionals in the DMV will not end up in a “childhood of poverty”. The wannabe priviliged strivers on this board are so delulu.

[Anonymous]

I would ask him if he sees himself taking on more responsibility in his job soon. He's almost 30...time to start making real money.

If he doesn't have an answer, you'll at least have yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 and he is 26. In many ways he is my dream man! Handsome, sweet, well-read, worldly and smart. So kind and adores me!

I want to get married and have children. It is the only real goal I have for myself. And I worry as I realize that having that family lifestyle in Nova requires a certain income. I do not come from money and work at a non profit as a program assistant. My BF makes only a little more than me as a research analyst even though he has a masters from SAIS.

I guess it’s occurring to me that neither of us in on the path to make a lot of money and then…how will we get married, buy a house and have children?


It makes me worry. I love him SO much and I don’t want to act like a gold digger by breaking up with him because I don’t think he’ll ever be able to afford a family… what do I do?

You should get a job that pays more now while you are young and can invest it and have time to learn new skills. It’s easy to transfer skills from business to nonprofit, not so easy the other way around if you ever need to later in life.

Also, I don’t recommend fully leaving the workplace for a long period of time - even though childcare costs similar to a low professional salary, think of it as costing you experience and learning which would translate to much higher pay decades later. This is what my XH convinced me of at the time and now I see that it wasn’t a nanny’s pay vs mine, it was the fact that my salary would likely grow in that decade to eventually be much higher but instead I stopped, and when I got back into work I was starting at bottom again.

I wish I could tell younger me these things. I’m doing ok now and love my kids. I also got divorced.

Signed, 41 yo divorced mom of 4 who was working at a nonprofit in her 20s

Why did you agree to have 4 kids?! At least your alimony should be decent for a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you dont sound like much of a catch. Thats not going to bode well for you if you dump your bf - who already makes more than you.

Not OP, but lol -- you don't know that.

How so?
OP doesnt mention a degree for her, but does her bf. So likely no degree. Making less than $70k. Not very loyal as she's willing to drop this guy based on his wallet. Hasn't already landed a whale, and is approaching 30.
Yeah, total catch

Let’s not forget, op is from a poor family and she’s still a program assistant at 27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the two of you talk marriage and decide you want to be married to each other, get married -- do it.

The other details of life (where to live, where in the country to live) will take second place, as they should.

This is the right advice.

There's other places to live. Finding the right life partner is so much more important than where you end up living.

[Anonymous]

If OP is real, just imagine being her for a moment. Holy sh!t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 and he is 26. In many ways he is my dream man! Handsome, sweet, well-read, worldly and smart. So kind and adores me!

I want to get married and have children. It is the only real goal I have for myself. And I worry as I realize that having that family lifestyle in Nova requires a certain income. I do not come from money and work at a non profit as a program assistant. My BF makes only a little more than me as a research analyst even though he has a masters from SAIS.

I guess it’s occurring to me that neither of us in on the path to make a lot of money and then…how will we get married, buy a house and have children?


It makes me worry. I love him SO much and I don’t want to act like a gold digger by breaking up with him because I don’t think he’ll ever be able to afford a family… what do I do?

Money is clearly important to you so instead of expecting disproportionately higher income from a partner, why not start earning more yourself. What's stopping you?

[Anonymous]

His income isn't the problem for him, yours is for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 and he is 26. In many ways he is my dream man! Handsome, sweet, well-read, worldly and smart. So kind and adores me!

I want to get married and have children. It is the only real goal I have for myself. And I worry as I realize that having that family lifestyle in Nova requires a certain income. I do not come from money and work at a non profit as a program assistant. My BF makes only a little more than me as a research analyst even though he has a masters from SAIS.

I guess it’s occurring to me that neither of us in on the path to make a lot of money and then…how will we get married, buy a house and have children?


It makes me worry. I love him SO much and I don’t want to act like a gold digger by breaking up with him because I don’t think he’ll ever be able to afford a family… what do I do?

You are not ready to be in a relationship.

Yes you are a gold digger.

Please do not have kids anytimes soon.