Dating a guy I’m crazy about but have concerns

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, as a 27 year old program assistant from a not-rich family, do you really think if you dump your boyfriend you'll actually be able to find and lock down someone who is rich and just wants a SAHM and is head over heels in love with you?

Most guys with good income and SAHMs fit into a few categories:
1. Their wife is well-educated and professionally accomplished and she worked several years before SAHM and might return to work or at least could return to work if something happened to the husband. OP, as a lowly program assistant at a nonprofit at 27, doesn't really fit in this category. 2. They knew from an early age they wanted a SAHM and so got locked down/paired up very young, like in high school or college. At 27, OP is too late for this one.

I'd add 3. the wife is from a wealthy family and brings her own family money. But OP doesn't fall into this category.

[Anonymous]

Why are you still a program assistant at 27?

[Anonymous]

Much better to marry and have a family with the great guy and deal with not having a lot of money, than to pass the good guy up and marry someone with high earning power who turns out to be a checked out dad and not very nice and does nothing but work and play video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you dont sound like much of a catch. Thats not going to bode well for you if you dump your bf - who already makes more than you.

Not OP, but lol -- you don't know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Much better to marry and have a family with the great guy and deal with not having a lot of money, than to pass the good guy up and marry someone with high earning power who turns out to be a checked out dad and not very nice and does nothing but work and play video games.

x1000000 This, OP. Listen hard.

[Anonymous]

Ummmmmmmmmm there are many single parents and one income families that I know of that make $140 or less and live in the DMV area. I think you are just fine.

[Anonymous]

I think you both need to leave the non profit sector to boost your incomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 and he is 26. In many ways he is my dream man! Handsome, sweet, well-read, worldly and smart. So kind and adores me!

I want to get married and have children. It is the only real goal I have for myself. And I worry as I realize that having that family lifestyle in Nova requires a certain income. I do not come from money and work at a non profit as a program assistant. My BF makes only a little more than me as a research analyst even though he has a masters from SAIS.

I guess it’s occurring to me that neither of us in on the path to make a lot of money and then…how will we get married, buy a house and have children?


It makes me worry. I love him SO much and I don’t want to act like a gold digger by breaking up with him because I don’t think he’ll ever be able to afford a family… what do I do?

I have some bad news for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he's young/immature/naive and doesn't really have a good sense of how much it costs to raise a family. Which is very common among people that age. Say, in a nice way, that you're looking for jobs because you want to increase your income, costs being what they are. Don't pressure him or anything, just give him a little time to think about what you've said.

If talking about these realities of life causes him to break up with you, so be it. You're better off with someone who isn't a man-baby and can cope with terribly stressful experiences like thinking about the cost of childcare and a modest house in Fairfax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Much better to marry and have a family with the great guy and deal with not having a lot of money, than to pass the good guy up and marry someone with high earning power who turns out to be a checked out dad and not very nice and does nothing but work and play video games.

How many women prioritize being able to be over a SAHM over marrying the love of their life? Seems pretty mercenary. For instance, you could make a ton as a real estate broker and still have plenty of quality time with your kids.

[Anonymous]

"Program assistant" = secretary.

Your BF's future seems fine with his education. You're the one who needs to pull up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Program assistant" = secretary.

Your BF's future seems fine with his education. You're the one who needs to pull up.

Is he fine, or does he not understand that it won't be enough?

If he really is fine with it, she needs to reconsider their compatibility. She's not a bad person for a wanting to raise children with enough income for stability and a middle class lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Get married. When you have your first kid and start staying home, he naturally will kick his career into second gear. It is a primal, biological instinct in the male human*.

*(as long as you don’t thwart nature by trying to ramp up your career in tandem with his)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you dont sound like much of a catch. Thats not going to bode well for you if you dump your bf - who already makes more than you.

Not OP, but lol -- you don't know that.

How so?
OP doesnt mention a degree for her, but does her bf. So likely no degree. Making less than $70k. Not very loyal as she's willing to drop this guy based on his wallet. Hasn't already landed a whale, and is approaching 30.
Yeah, total catch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get married. When you have your first kid and start staying home, he naturally will kick his career into second gear. It is a primal, biological instinct in the male human*.

*(as long as you don’t thwart nature by trying to ramp up your career in tandem with his)

haha