Dating a guy I’m crazy about but have concerns

[Anonymous]

I am 27 and he is 26. In many ways he is my dream man! Handsome, sweet, well-read, worldly and smart. So kind and adores me!

I want to get married and have children. It is the only real goal I have for myself. And I worry as I realize that having that family lifestyle in Nova requires a certain income. I do not come from money and work at a non profit as a program assistant. My BF makes only a little more than me as a research analyst even though he has a masters from SAIS.

I guess it’s occurring to me that neither of us in on the path to make a lot of money and then…how will we get married, buy a house and have children?


It makes me worry. I love him SO much and I don’t want to act like a gold digger by breaking up with him because I don’t think he’ll ever be able to afford a family… what do I do?

[Anonymous]

how much is your combined HHI? $150k or over $200k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how much is your combined HHI? $150k or over $200k?

Op here. We make 140k combined.

[Anonymous]

When you move in together, your food and living expenses should go down. Investing heavily the next 6 years and you should be good to go. I mean $30k minimum a year into growth stocks, then let it grow.
You can have a family living in 1-bedroom. Not sure what your 'family lifestyle' is. If I met the man of my dreams, I'd willing to live in a closet. Do not do the lifestyle creep so fast or your will blow it all up.
You are both so young and should be working 1.5 jobs.

[Anonymous]

What you do is try to get a better job for yourself. Have you considered being a fed? There's plenty of similar job descriptions in the federal government. Invest some time on USAJobs and you'll see. Meanwhile, babysit on the weekends.

If you really love him and want to build your life with him, then you need to be able to discuss these matters. If wanting a modest home and children is gold-digging to him, then he can go find someone who doesn't want those things.

Tell him in a pleasant tone that you're looking to increase your earnings and your savings because you think it'll be needed to live the life you want. How he responds will tell you a lot about who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 and he is 26. In many ways he is my dream man! Handsome, sweet, well-read, worldly and smart. So kind and adores me!

I want to get married and have children. It is the only real goal I have for myself. And I worry as I realize that having that family lifestyle in Nova requires a certain income. I do not come from money and work at a non profit as a program assistant. My BF makes only a little more than me as a research analyst even though he has a masters from SAIS.

I guess it’s occurring to me that neither of us in on the path to make a lot of money and then…how will we get married, buy a house and have children?


It makes me worry. I love him SO much and I don’t want to act like a gold digger by breaking up with him because I don’t think he’ll ever be able to afford a family… what do I do?

This is so sad to read. You found a guy who you utterly love and you are actually thinking of breaking up with him just because he doesn't make enough money right now. Women like you are your own worst enemy and it shows that you would rather have a crap married with money than a loving marriage being middle income.

It's really sad to even read this. Do you know how many people would rather have true love than just have money? You are the reason women are so unhappy and why men hate women.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to him about it. Is he content with how much he is making? If so, then you'll always be the person to worry about this. If he agrees, then you both need to find better jobs. 2 Feds is a great option.

[Anonymous]

Dump his pauper ass.

No scrubs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 27 and he is 26. In many ways he is my dream man! Handsome, sweet, well-read, worldly and smart. So kind and adores me!

I want to get married and have children. It is the only real goal I have for myself. And I worry as I realize that having that family lifestyle in Nova requires a certain income. I do not come from money and work at a non profit as a program assistant. My BF makes only a little more than me as a research analyst even though he has a masters from SAIS.

I guess it’s occurring to me that neither of us in on the path to make a lot of money and then…how will we get married, buy a house and have children?


It makes me worry. I love him SO much and I don’t want to act like a gold digger by breaking up with him because I don’t think he’ll ever be able to afford a family… what do I do?

This is so sad to read. You found a guy who you utterly love and you are actually thinking of breaking up with him just because he doesn't make enough money right now. Women like you are your own worst enemy and it shows that you would rather have a crap married with money than a loving marriage being middle income.

It's really sad to even read this. Do you know how many people would rather have true love than just have money? You are the reason women are so unhappy and why men hate women.

She isn't saying she wants a sugar daddy. I'd say she's being realistic. You know how fast "real love" falls by the wayside when every single second is a struggle financially. They both need to proactively figure out a plan. Move to a LCOL area? Get better jobs?

[Anonymous]

A man is not a plan. Kids are expensive. You need to get a better paying job.

-signed a mom of DS and DD, and I grew up lower income.

[Anonymous]

Who just has a goal to get married and have kids and that's the beginning and end? What year is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how much is your combined HHI? $150k or over $200k?

Op here. We make 140k combined.

You’re young, and that’s a fair amount of money. Are you both cautious in spending and good with money? Will you move jobs to find more money over your career? Are you willing to live in Aldie VA or Olney MD, or in a townhouse?

[Anonymous]

Can you move to a lower cost of living area?

[Anonymous]

If the two of you talk marriage and decide you want to be married to each other, get married -- do it.

The other details of life (where to live, where in the country to live) will take second place, as they should.

[Anonymous]

I find it hard to imagine anyone graduating from sais who is happy settling with a spouse whose only goal is to get married and have kids. Have you told him that?