Suddenly seems like not enough HHI despite great relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Expect more.

We started so many programs to empower young girls while ignoring boys that now women are 20-30% more likely to go to college.

Women got their seat at the table and now they are faced with partners making less or bring SAHDs.

Deal.

Boo hoo, men now have to compete with women instead of riding the escalator of privilege. Cry me a river.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP still has not listed her boyfriend’s income so I think she is just trolling for reactions.

I’m purposely not posting his income bc I want people to answer the actual question not bicker over whether it’s too much or too little.

His actual income is extremely relevant to whether your concerns are reasonable or whether you are trolling for reactions, which you are. Good job!

My concern is reasonable. Maybe people could say what they think the minimum / range should be or how much it matters in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

You seem very rigid in your ideas, OP, and like you want to keep up with the Joneses.

You can have a really fulfilling, vibrant life on very little $$ if you choose to do so. But you need to be willing to adjust where you find happiness. There is no magic income that will make you happy and secure. I know many unhappy wealthy people.

[Anonymous]

Feel bad for your partner.

Are your salaries both capped at whatever you make currently?

You definitely need to keep your job if this is your attitude towards relationships and love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP still has not listed her boyfriend’s income so I think she is just trolling for reactions.

I’m purposely not posting his income bc I want people to answer the actual question not bicker over whether it’s too much or too little.

His actual income is extremely relevant to whether your concerns are reasonable or whether you are trolling for reactions, which you are. Good job!

My concern is reasonable. Maybe people could say what they think the minimum / range should be or how much it matters in a marriage.

You make $250k, which is way beyond the minimum for a couple in almost every. You refuse to provide any other details such as your location, your age, your boyfriend’s HHI or level of ambition, so nobody has anything else useful to say. Nobody can give you some magic number, and you dated guys with a lot of ambition and saw the negative side of that for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP still has not listed her boyfriend’s income so I think she is just trolling for reactions.

I’m purposely not posting his income bc I want people to answer the actual question not bicker over whether it’s too much or too little.

His actual income is extremely relevant to whether your concerns are reasonable or whether you are trolling for reactions, which you are. Good job!

My concern is reasonable. Maybe people could say what they think the minimum / range should be or how much it matters in a marriage.

Your concern is trollish. Maybe you should say what the minimum would be for you not to think your boyfriend is too poor to marry you.

My personal priority was never to expect anyone else to support me. I can support myself. You clearly don't share that priority, as it's very clear you'd like to get married and have babies with someone rich who will support you. If you cannot figure out how to have a good life with a man you love on $250k, you are doing it wrong. If you must have a particular house and a particular car in order to be happy, you are doing it wrong.

You asked "how mercenary" people have to be. They don't. It's still possible to not be a gold digger, despite inflation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP still has not listed her boyfriend’s income so I think she is just trolling for reactions.

I’m purposely not posting his income bc I want people to answer the actual question not bicker over whether it’s too much or too little.

His actual income is extremely relevant to whether your concerns are reasonable or whether you are trolling for reactions, which you are. Good job!

My concern is reasonable. Maybe people could say what they think the minimum / range should be or how much it matters in a marriage.

You make $250k, which is way beyond the minimum for a couple in almost every *major metro area*. You refuse to provide any other details such as your location, your age, your boyfriend’s HHI or level of ambition, so nobody has anything else useful to say. Nobody can give you some magic number, and you dated guys with a lot of ambition and saw the negative side of that for yourself.

[Anonymous]

You have a spending problem, not an income problem as one person w no kids making 250k.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I’ll bite. Op, if your boyfriend is working a white-collar job making around $100k or something like that, I think you’re fine. If he’s in a man-child job like ski instructor, not so much. If he’s a teacher, that could work well for a family because he’ll be able to cover school breaks and such, even if he doesn’t bring in much money.

My $.02 anyway.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's really very simple. You do not actually have the "great relationship" you think you have, if you put income before the person. You'll deny this, say he's wonderful, and quite probably he is. But you don't understand that mature love will say, "This is the person with whom I would gladly weather whatever life hands us, as a couple, and if we hit rough patches, our priority is the relationship and working things out openly." You're clearly willing to bail on the "great relationship" due to HHI concerns, so, no, you don't love him that way and it's doubtful you'll love anyone that way unless you change your thinking.

I suspect instead you will be back here in a few years, no matter what man you marry, posting about the all too familiar DCUM tropes when people enter marriage with attitudes as blithely materialistic as yours. And you don't even recognize the materialism, or your privilege.

Take your pick and file it away. It'll make those future posts go faster for you:

"We don't have enough HHI and I'm resenting him for it, I wanted a different lifestyle"
"We've grown apart/he's having an affair/I'm having an affair because we never see each other because he's such a workaholic/he travels all the time for work"
"I stayed home with the kids and resent that he gets out of the house/he's not doing enough chores/we don't 'date' any more...."
"I had to go back to work because I want more HHI but I resent going back to work"
And later: "I'm so angry that DH does not make enough money for us to send Kid to Expensive Prestigious College X"

OP, you think that "maturity" is sitting down and having a sudden revelation that groceries are $60 a bag. Nope, maturity is loving someone and sharing the same values about how you spend money, and then working out what to do without, what to save, and what to spend on things that actually matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't make it on $250k, you are doing it wrong. Check your entitlement level

Speaking of entitlement level, not sure why OP thinks she doesn’t have to be the breadwinner or actually carry her financial weight.

A woman working FT making $250K is carrying her weight and then some. Be real.

OP says she doesn’t want to be the breadwinner or struggle. It’s in her OP.

Op, do you have the face and body to pull this off?

[Anonymous]

Seems weird to be old enough to think about buying a house and getting married but still know the price of a Twix. I cannot think of a single adult I know that buys candy bars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can't make it on $250k, you are doing it wrong. Check your entitlement level[/quote]

x10000

Holy crap listen to yourselves. This and the "how much do you make and what are your jewelry, clothes, home and car luxuries" - how on earth do these men manage with such demanding, materialistic and dullard wives? YIKES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't make it on $250k, you are doing it wrong. Check your entitlement level

Speaking of entitlement level, not sure why OP thinks she doesn’t have to be the breadwinner or actually carry her financial weight.

A woman working FT making $250K is carrying her weight and then some. Be real.

OP says she doesn’t want to be the breadwinner or struggle. It’s in her OP.

Op, do you have the face and body to pull this off?

That OP eats a Twix from a vending machine should tell you everything you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems weird to be old enough to think about buying a house and getting married but still know the price of a Twix. I cannot think of a single adult I know that buys candy bars.

+1. I didn’t even know they changed the size of Twix. Aren’t they two bars? OP eats them often enough to notice the shrinkflation I guess.