Suddenly seems like not enough HHI despite great relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Expect more.

We started so many programs to empower young girls while ignoring boys that now women are 20-30% more likely to go to college.

Women got their seat at the table and now they are faced with partners making less or bring SAHDs.

Deal.

Boo hoo, men now have to compete with women instead of riding the escalator of privilege. Cry me a river.

Au contraire, many are enjoying the benefits that SAHMs had for a century. I know more female primary bread winners in the 30-40 age brackets.

I have a nephew married to a doctor. I see friend’s sons married to partners in law firms. Sometimes they choose to have the dad be the one that stays home with the kids. Not a bad life for those dudes.

Ridiculous gravy train considering they don’t pay the physical, emotional or career cost of bearing children. Those women are making poor decisions.

What a frickin' double standard. I know many men that are a better parent to the kids and more involved than the mothers.

Physical? I popped out two kids and was back at the gym in a few weeks...back at work after the 3-4 maternity leave.

Career cost? They just said the wife was the primary breadwinner----the spouse is supporting the wife's career.

Look up Clarissa Ward who has had 3 children very recently.

I know this may be hard to believe, but not every woman’s experience is an exact replica of your own. Amazing isn’t it?

Do you feel unheard? Like people aren't centering your lived experience? That your feelings are being marginalized? That PP is treating your extremely special experience as though it is not special?

Just kidding. I just love how daft your response is to PP.

[Anonymous]

Op it’s clear you don’t think your combined salaries give you the lifestyle you want, so what’s your next step?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op it’s clear you don’t think your combined salaries give you the lifestyle you want, so what’s your next step?

Deciding I guess whether I can get over this bc of the person he is. I’m unlikely to find anyone as great who makes more and I won’t compromise on the great person/relationship part just to marry a wallet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op it’s clear you don’t think your combined salaries give you the lifestyle you want, so what’s your next step?

Deciding I guess whether I can get over this bc of the person he is. I’m unlikely to find anyone as great who makes more and I won’t compromise on the great person/relationship part just to marry a wallet.

How much does he make and what is the trajectory of his earnings/career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op it’s clear you don’t think your combined salaries give you the lifestyle you want, so what’s your next step?

Deciding I guess whether I can get over this bc of the person he is. I’m unlikely to find anyone as great who makes more and I won’t compromise on the great person/relationship part just to marry a wallet.

Have you thought about talking this through with him? You are such a catch that he might be willing to work harder if he knew you were thinking about walking. I mean, he's great, so yeah, definitely, he will break his back to earn more so that he can finally be fully loved and accepted by you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you own a home if you're not married?

I’m thinking about getting married. Come on. This is not hard to understand.

Get your story straight, troll.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound insane.

Our HHI is $250k (dual income) in close-in DMV with 2 kids and a house and shockingly, we’re doing pretty well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound insane.

Our HHI is $250k (dual income) in close-in DMV with 2 kids and a house and shockingly, we’re doing pretty well.

When did you buy your house?

[Anonymous]

Well if you want to be supported (vs an independent adult), then I guess this criteria gets elevated.

Instead, Why don’t you set a good example for your children and be an equal partner in your marriage.

Plus, then you would actually be able to have sex with someone you are attracted to.
Win win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree, OP.
I don’t know that everything is 30% more expensive than it was a few years ago, but I do think that either the amount of money you need to be wealthy OR the idea of what it looks like to be wealthy needs to shift from where it was 30 years ago.

Only relatively wealthy people have all of the following:
- regular vacations where you fly to a destination and stay in a hotel
- homes that they own near where they work
- adequate retirement savings
- savings for kids’ college
- nice food and groceries whenever
- high quality childcare
- nicely decorated homes
- regular new clothes
- nice/newish cars
- good medical/dental care

I think there is a narrative that everyone has these things, and UMC folks have this and more. The reality is that lots of people have SOME of these things, but you have to have quite a bit of money to have ALL of them.

A generation ago, UMC/MC people did not have the same expectations of frequent flying vacations, new cars, expensive home renovations etc.

Some people are struggling but others are just unrealistic.

Im going to disagree. I think a generation ago people expected that they could afford a SAHP, 1-2 vacations a year, and nice furniture for their homes on a doctor’s salary.

OP didn’t mention any of those things (frequent flying vacations 1-2x/year, a SAHP, new cars, expensive home renovations, nice furniture, or a doctor’s salary).

She said that she makes $250k/yr, which is a doctor’s salary.
And she doesn’t feel that she can have the things she wants to raise children without her spouse’s income.

OP, what does your current boyfriend make? Is he at $175 and you're annoyed that you out earn him or he is at $75 and you're concerned that you way out earn him?

Who cares? What does that have to do with the fact that you have to be pretty wealthy to afford things that people took for granted 30-40 years ago?

Shouldn’t we acknowledge the fact that income disparity is so much bigger than the media tells us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree, OP.
I don’t know that everything is 30% more expensive than it was a few years ago, but I do think that either the amount of money you need to be wealthy OR the idea of what it looks like to be wealthy needs to shift from where it was 30 years ago.

Only relatively wealthy people have all of the following:
- regular vacations where you fly to a destination and stay in a hotel
- homes that they own near where they work
- adequate retirement savings
- savings for kids’ college
- nice food and groceries whenever
- high quality childcare
- nicely decorated homes
- regular new clothes
- nice/newish cars
- good medical/dental care

I think there is a narrative that everyone has these things, and UMC folks have this and more. The reality is that lots of people have SOME of these things, but you have to have quite a bit of money to have ALL of them.

A generation ago, UMC/MC people did not have the same expectations of frequent flying vacations, new cars, expensive home renovations etc.

Some people are struggling but others are just unrealistic.

Im going to disagree. I think a generation ago people expected that they could afford a SAHP, 1-2 vacations a year, and nice furniture for their homes on a doctor’s salary.

OP didn’t mention any of those things (frequent flying vacations 1-2x/year, a SAHP, new cars, expensive home renovations, nice furniture, or a doctor’s salary).

She said that she makes $250k/yr, which is a doctor’s salary.
And she doesn’t feel that she can have the things she wants to raise children without her spouse’s income.

OP, what does your current boyfriend make? Is he at $175 and you're annoyed that you out earn him or he is at $75 and you're concerned that you way out earn him?

OP refused to answer this question.

Would you like to know why?

Because she is TROLLING, dear friends.

I didn’t consider it before but I think op didn’t respond not because she’s a troll but because a pp said that she could be black

Which is true and no one else considered

Professional Black women have different dynamics and her story sounds very common for black women in this town

[Anonymous]

Op are you black?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree, OP.
I don’t know that everything is 30% more expensive than it was a few years ago, but I do think that either the amount of money you need to be wealthy OR the idea of what it looks like to be wealthy needs to shift from where it was 30 years ago.

Only relatively wealthy people have all of the following:
- regular vacations where you fly to a destination and stay in a hotel
- homes that they own near where they work
- adequate retirement savings
- savings for kids’ college
- nice food and groceries whenever
- high quality childcare
- nicely decorated homes
- regular new clothes
- nice/newish cars
- good medical/dental care

I think there is a narrative that everyone has these things, and UMC folks have this and more. The reality is that lots of people have SOME of these things, but you have to have quite a bit of money to have ALL of them.

A generation ago, UMC/MC people did not have the same expectations of frequent flying vacations, new cars, expensive home renovations etc.

Some people are struggling but others are just unrealistic.

Im going to disagree. I think a generation ago people expected that they could afford a SAHP, 1-2 vacations a year, and nice furniture for their homes on a doctor’s salary.

OP didn’t mention any of those things (frequent flying vacations 1-2x/year, a SAHP, new cars, expensive home renovations, nice furniture, or a doctor’s salary).

She said that she makes $250k/yr, which is a doctor’s salary.
And she doesn’t feel that she can have the things she wants to raise children without her spouse’s income.

OP, what does your current boyfriend make? Is he at $175 and you're annoyed that you out earn him or he is at $75 and you're concerned that you way out earn him?

Who cares? What does that have to do with the fact that you have to be pretty wealthy to afford things that people took for granted 30-40 years ago?

Shouldn’t we acknowledge the fact that income disparity is so much bigger than the media tells us?

Because that is not actually a fact. It’s just something you made up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound insane.

Our HHI is $250k (dual income) in close-in DMV with 2 kids and a house and shockingly, we’re doing pretty well.

When did you buy your house?

OP. Exactly. Got a Time Machine I can borrow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree, OP.
I don’t know that everything is 30% more expensive than it was a few years ago, but I do think that either the amount of money you need to be wealthy OR the idea of what it looks like to be wealthy needs to shift from where it was 30 years ago.

Only relatively wealthy people have all of the following:
- regular vacations where you fly to a destination and stay in a hotel
- homes that they own near where they work
- adequate retirement savings
- savings for kids’ college
- nice food and groceries whenever
- high quality childcare
- nicely decorated homes
- regular new clothes
- nice/newish cars
- good medical/dental care

I think there is a narrative that everyone has these things, and UMC folks have this and more. The reality is that lots of people have SOME of these things, but you have to have quite a bit of money to have ALL of them.

A generation ago, UMC/MC people did not have the same expectations of frequent flying vacations, new cars, expensive home renovations etc.

Some people are struggling but others are just unrealistic.

Im going to disagree. I think a generation ago people expected that they could afford a SAHP, 1-2 vacations a year, and nice furniture for their homes on a doctor’s salary.

OP didn’t mention any of those things (frequent flying vacations 1-2x/year, a SAHP, new cars, expensive home renovations, nice furniture, or a doctor’s salary).

She said that she makes $250k/yr, which is a doctor’s salary.
And she doesn’t feel that she can have the things she wants to raise children without her spouse’s income.

OP, what does your current boyfriend make? Is he at $175 and you're annoyed that you out earn him or he is at $75 and you're concerned that you way out earn him?

Who cares? What does that have to do with the fact that you have to be pretty wealthy to afford things that people took for granted 30-40 years ago?

Shouldn’t we acknowledge the fact that income disparity is so much bigger than the media tells us?

Because that is not actually a fact. It’s just something you made up.

It IS a fact. That fact is the entire basis of OP’s post.