Men bringing up sex/sex adjacent things right away?

[Anonymous]

The reason men do it is that it works. Lots of women on OLD are up for sex. I've met a few who are kinkier than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason men do it is that it works. Lots of women on OLD are up for sex. I've met a few who are kinkier than I am.

Same.

[Anonymous]

What are your filters? Do you have any?

I talked with five or six men, went on three first dates, two second dates, and am with the one I went on a third date with.

None of them brought up sex during texting or during the dates. I brought up sexual compatibility with the man I’m still seeing, at the end of the second date, suggesting we might want to check that out, given we really like each other. And we started checking that out on the third date.

I was selective in filters, though, only seeing men who selected Liberal, and religion as agnostic, atheist, or spiritual. And after that only swiped on men who had already least one interest like empathy, feminism, kindness, lgbtq ally, philosophy, environmentalism, voter rights, science…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The guy was fishing, threw out some bait but OP didn’t bite. There are plenty of weirdos out there both male and female. Someone might take his bait if he casts often enough.

OP did indeed bite and is still biting. If she was offended she would have blocked him immediately. Of course she wanted sex with him. Look how she describes him, as a sex object for women.

But OP is mad that he didn't play her let's pretend game so she could deny being interested in him for sex.

Your knowledge of women can’t be underestimated…

[Anonymous]

You know when you come home from college and you forget your audience? You might curse or want to drink alcoholic beverages at odd hours? You spurt newly minted political views that your know are anathema to your parents. These kind of guys are so used to living the club life: dabbling in drugs, hooking up with instagram models with fake everything, dreaming of Miami and opening a strip club- that they forget their audience. It isn’t most guys, it’s lounge lizards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your filters? Do you have any?

I talked with five or six men, went on three first dates, two second dates, and am with the one I went on a third date with.

None of them brought up sex during texting or during the dates. I brought up sexual compatibility with the man I’m still seeing, at the end of the second date, suggesting we might want to check that out, given we really like each other. And we started checking that out on the third date.

I was selective in filters, though, only seeing men who selected Liberal, and religion as agnostic, atheist, or spiritual. And after that only swiped on men who had already least one interest like empathy, feminism, kindness, lgbtq ally, philosophy, environmentalism, voter rights, science…

I have no interest in paying for premium so I cant set filters. But this is the first time i've had it happen, too. Most men seem to be at least socially functional enough to realize that that's not the best way to go about it, even if theyre are hoping conversations will lead to sex It's actually kind of funny to think about, you have to wonder how many times he's struck out and how he's so single minded and yet using a technique that will scare off the vast majority of women! Oh well... lesson learned for him, maybe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


You know when you come home from college and you forget your audience? You might curse or want to drink alcoholic beverages at odd hours? You spurt newly minted political views that your know are anathema to your parents. These kind of guys are so used to living the club life: dabbling in drugs, hooking up with instagram models with fake everything, dreaming of Miami and opening a strip club- that they forget their audience. It isn’t most guys, it’s lounge lizards.

Totally, I think that's what it was. He's very attractive and I dont even think he was trying to be offensive, which is what was strange. I think he really thought it was normal to bring up sex parties and all of that from the very beginning. After a while it became annoying and awkward though- maybe he doesn't know how else to connect with people at this point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


You know when you come home from college and you forget your audience? You might curse or want to drink alcoholic beverages at odd hours? You spurt newly minted political views that your know are anathema to your parents. These kind of guys are so used to living the club life: dabbling in drugs, hooking up with instagram models with fake everything, dreaming of Miami and opening a strip club- that they forget their audience. It isn’t most guys, it’s lounge lizards.

Totally, I think that's what it was. He's very attractive and I dont even think he was trying to be offensive, which is what was strange. I think he really thought it was normal to bring up sex parties and all of that from the very beginning. After a while it became annoying and awkward though- maybe he doesn't know how else to connect with people at this point?

The way that I read your OP was that he was bringing it up because it’s a dealbreaker for him if you aren’t into that. Kind of like some younger women bring up having kids early on. It isn’t that they want to have kids right then, but if a man isn’t interested in that, then there is no point in pursuing the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


You know when you come home from college and you forget your audience? You might curse or want to drink alcoholic beverages at odd hours? You spurt newly minted political views that your know are anathema to your parents. These kind of guys are so used to living the club life: dabbling in drugs, hooking up with instagram models with fake everything, dreaming of Miami and opening a strip club- that they forget their audience. It isn’t most guys, it’s lounge lizards.

Totally, I think that's what it was. He's very attractive and I dont even think he was trying to be offensive, which is what was strange. I think he really thought it was normal to bring up sex parties and all of that from the very beginning. After a while it became annoying and awkward though- maybe he doesn't know how else to connect with people at this point?

The way that I read your OP was that he was bringing it up because it’s a dealbreaker for him if you aren’t into that. Kind of like some younger women bring up having kids early on. It isn’t that they want to have kids right then, but if a man isn’t interested in that, then there is no point in pursuing the relationship.

Probably, although I don’t know how effective that dating strategy is from either side. A lot of men who would probably be open to having kids are going to be turnt off when a woman is bringing up babies with ten minutes, most women are going to be turned off when a man seems sex fixated even though they may be wild in the bedroom. True lotharios know this and never bring up sex immediately- also because the know they have the power to seduce even a prudish woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you went there first. Sex parties?

Definitely was not me. He brought it up fairly seamlessly in a joking way at first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the few threads on DCUM where I don’t think anyone is trolling. I can see why this guy wanted to be out in the open about his kinky stuff. I can also see how OP got weirded out by it. If you have never gone to sex parties and aren’t generally kinky, then it seems like this stuff is unreal or only happens in porn or whatever.

Both sides are entitled to their feelings on these things.

But, to me, it is SUPER CREEPY that he jumped right at it with OP. Dude is probs the type to send unsolicited dick pics.
I'd be up for hearing the wants but not right out of the gate.

Agreed. Imo a lot of guys are low key autistic and don’t have the social skills to realize that the wild, uninhibited sex they’re craving isn’t best spelled out verbally via text on a dating app. Men who actually manage to sleep with lots of women and are amazing in bed arouse that in women by NOT mentioning it directly. But many men lack the social processing to realize that the more explicit they are, the more women are turned off and LESS likely to sleep with them. Most men don’t know the first thing about seduction and it comes off as desperate and awkward. They know deep down that women don’t want to sleep with them which is why they attempt to get a verbal assurance of sex, because they’re so used to being rejected and deep down convinced it’s gonna happen again. And in that way they turn off women who would have been open to it. That’s why the few men that do know what they’re doing clean up with women and can literally land whatever woman they want- they’re relaxed and chill about it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today I matched with a pretty cute guy on Hinge and the conversation turned fairly quickly to sexual subjects that I'm not really comfortable with. First it was what I thought was a light hearted joke about him meeting women who wanted to go to sex parties, then next thing he's asking me if I've ever been to one, if I would go to one, and the conversation pivoted and kept coming back to it before he finally told me he dreamed of opening a strip club and I blocked him.

Are some men really so unselfaware that they think this is gonna lead to sex? Is it just a fishing tactic to see who's gonna bite? Was he trying to con me into some kind of Andrew Tate camming business? I dont understand what could make seemingly otherwise intelligent men act like complete doofuses.

So IMVE the vast majority of women on the apps put out on the first date, especially the ones who say “no hookups.”

Most are totally DTF immediately. He’s just making the safe assumption.

If you’re a prude and this isn’t for you, that’s fine. Just don’t string him along.

String him along? LOL. FIrst of all, the LAST consideration for me. Second, she F'ing blocked him, and good for her, so that's not happening in any event.

It's totally fine for him to be into kinky/dirty stuff. That doesn't make OP a "prude." (You're kind of a dick for even saying that). What is NOT ok for him to jump right to it as soon as they start talking. Sorry, that's some straight up creeper sh---. And is a huge red flag, having zero to do with the sex part of it.

No it's not a red flag. Hinge is a sexual hookup app. In fact OP isn't even saying she did not want to have sex with him. She obviously did, that's the criteria she selected him on. OP is just offended that the guy has her figured out so quickly.

Hinge is not a hook up app! Why do people talk about these apps when they clearly have no clue? It’s literally designed for long term relationships. I know boomers have this fantasy that all dating apps are the equivalent of Grindr but it’s simply not the case and apps would be 99% male if it was

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally all those apps are are hook up apps you know this. Meet someone in real life OP.

OP did want to have sex with the guy. She screened for sexual desirability. But she was hoping the guy would jump through a few.of her hoops first so she could feel better about herself.

That's why she is so angry. He got right to the point and called her out for wanting to have sex with him, so she feels humiliated.

lol What? When did "called her out for wanting to have sex with him, so she feels humiliated." that happen?

+1

It’s funny hearing the incel’s fantasy version of social interactions on here. So apparently women blocking a man is humiliating for HER and proof the man has won? Sounds like wishful thinking from someone who gets blocked a lot 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a guy when he traveled for work would just go up to woman and say “I am not interested in wasting your time or my time do you want to go back to my hotel and F?”

A few thought it was funny and would laugh and go about their evening, some would be disgusted walk away and call him a jerk. Every once in a while he would get slapped. But 1 in 15-20 would say yes.

You could only imagine what those women must have looked like. But hey- when you’re desperate, any port in a storm, right?

[Anonymous]

FWIW...

I'm a 59yo male and 3 years ago I met the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. On our third date, we started talking about sex a bit and I asked some pretty intimate questions, which she answered but later said were a little forward. I apologized for it but what came of it was a chance to really communicate about the conversation and how we both felt, and also a chance for me to let her know that after a dead bedroom marriage, it was important to me that sex be a completely open and frequent subject of conversation. Now it is, and this is the best and healthiest relationship either of us have ever had and the sex is amazing.

Just my 2 cents.