Men bringing up sex/sex adjacent things right away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW...

I'm a 59yo male and 3 years ago I met the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. On our third date, we started talking about sex a bit and I asked some pretty intimate questions, which she answered but later said were a little forward. I apologized for it but what came of it was a chance to really communicate about the conversation and how we both felt, and also a chance for me to let her know that after a dead bedroom marriage, it was important to me that sex be a completely open and frequent subject of conversation. Now it is, and this is the best and healthiest relationship either of us have ever had and the sex is amazing.

Just my 2 cents.

I think it’s telling that even on the third date she thought you were being too forward. Most women don’t want to have these things spelled out- it ruins the fantasy, the magic, the discovery of it, etc. it’s why some of the hottest sex scenes cut out or are filmed in dim lighting where you can’t see much- mystery is incredibly seductive. Great seducers know that, but Lord knows most men aren’t great seducers. And that’s by the third date, let alone within ten minutes of meeting someone! Many modern men are struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your filters? Do you have any?

I talked with five or six men, went on three first dates, two second dates, and am with the one I went on a third date with.

None of them brought up sex during texting or during the dates. I brought up sexual compatibility with the man I’m still seeing, at the end of the second date, suggesting we might want to check that out, given we really like each other. And we started checking that out on the third date.

I was selective in filters, though, only seeing men who selected Liberal, and religion as agnostic, atheist, or spiritual. And after that only swiped on men who had already least one interest like empathy, feminism, kindness, lgbtq ally, philosophy, environmentalism, voter rights, science…

You are kind of my target market for OLD. I'm a conservative, divorced, no kids, lower 40s successful and non-political. You are a dime a dozen in the NoVA area (looks being the exception). Of course I put out liberal platitudes in my profile, since I'm in NoVA and only looking for sex, but do not mind dating for a month since I like the build up. When I spot your flaws, mental or physical, I start turning up my conservatism until you ghost me or tell you it is not so black and white. Had my fun, guilt is on you for dumping/ghosting me, and I move on and mostly date seriously people I meet through friends. Glad you appreciated the dinners, and I appreciated the variety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your filters? Do you have any?

I talked with five or six men, went on three first dates, two second dates, and am with the one I went on a third date with.

None of them brought up sex during texting or during the dates. I brought up sexual compatibility with the man I’m still seeing, at the end of the second date, suggesting we might want to check that out, given we really like each other. And we started checking that out on the third date.

I was selective in filters, though, only seeing men who selected Liberal, and religion as agnostic, atheist, or spiritual. And after that only swiped on men who had already least one interest like empathy, feminism, kindness, lgbtq ally, philosophy, environmentalism, voter rights, science…

You are kind of my target market for OLD. I'm a conservative, divorced, no kids, lower 40s successful and non-political. You are a dime a dozen in the NoVA area (looks being the exception). Of course I put out liberal platitudes in my profile, since I'm in NoVA and only looking for sex, but do not mind dating for a month since I like the build up. When I spot your flaws, mental or physical, I start turning up my conservatism until you ghost me or tell you it is not so black and white. Had my fun, guilt is on you for dumping/ghosting me, and I move on and mostly date seriously people I meet through friends. Glad you appreciated the dinners, and I appreciated the variety.

Not PP but why do men literally brag about sociopathic behavior? It’s so strange, especially as a dating strategy. But then act shocked and flummoxed and like a sad puppy when their wife files for divorce, kids don’t want anything to do with them, etc. seems so emotionally stunted and sad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your filters? Do you have any?

I talked with five or six men, went on three first dates, two second dates, and am with the one I went on a third date with.

None of them brought up sex during texting or during the dates. I brought up sexual compatibility with the man I’m still seeing, at the end of the second date, suggesting we might want to check that out, given we really like each other. And we started checking that out on the third date.

I was selective in filters, though, only seeing men who selected Liberal, and religion as agnostic, atheist, or spiritual. And after that only swiped on men who had already least one interest like empathy, feminism, kindness, lgbtq ally, philosophy, environmentalism, voter rights, science…

You are kind of my target market for OLD. I'm a conservative, divorced, no kids, lower 40s successful and non-political. You are a dime a dozen in the NoVA area (looks being the exception). Of course I put out liberal platitudes in my profile, since I'm in NoVA and only looking for sex, but do not mind dating for a month since I like the build up. When I spot your flaws, mental or physical, I start turning up my conservatism until you ghost me or tell you it is not so black and white. Had my fun, guilt is on you for dumping/ghosting me, and I move on and mostly date seriously people I meet through friends. Glad you appreciated the dinners, and I appreciated the variety.

Not PP but why do men literally brag about sociopathic behavior? It’s so strange, especially as a dating strategy. But then act shocked and flummoxed and like a sad puppy when their wife files for divorce, kids don’t want anything to do with them, etc. seems so emotionally stunted and sad

Just a bored troll.

[Anonymous]

Probably a sex trafficker. Lucky for you he was upfront about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably a sex trafficker. Lucky for you he was upfront about it.

+1

Especially since it sounds like he was bringing up sex WORK in particular.

[Anonymous]

What is the first letter of his first name?

[Anonymous]

That's a predator

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


You know when you come home from college and you forget your audience? You might curse or want to drink alcoholic beverages at odd hours? You spurt newly minted political views that your know are anathema to your parents. These kind of guys are so used to living the club life: dabbling in drugs, hooking up with instagram models with fake everything, dreaming of Miami and opening a strip club- that they forget their audience. It isn’t most guys, it’s lounge lizards.

Totally, I think that's what it was. He's very attractive and I dont even think he was trying to be offensive, which is what was strange. I think he really thought it was normal to bring up sex parties and all of that from the very beginning. After a while it became annoying and awkward though- maybe he doesn't know how else to connect with people at this point?

The way that I read your OP was that he was bringing it up because it’s a dealbreaker for him if you aren’t into that. Kind of like some younger women bring up having kids early on. It isn’t that they want to have kids right then, but if a man isn’t interested in that, then there is no point in pursuing the relationship.

that female equivalent would be a woman who brought up having babies in the first conversation then kept on texting “I want to have a baby soooo much! OMG I love babiessss” repeatedly even after the dude made clear he wasn’t interested. Which, I think we would all agree is demented.

[Anonymous]

What?! Can i have his number??!! He sounds fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


You know when you come home from college and you forget your audience? You might curse or want to drink alcoholic beverages at odd hours? You spurt newly minted political views that your know are anathema to your parents. These kind of guys are so used to living the club life: dabbling in drugs, hooking up with instagram models with fake everything, dreaming of Miami and opening a strip club- that they forget their audience. It isn’t most guys, it’s lounge lizards.

Totally, I think that's what it was. He's very attractive and I dont even think he was trying to be offensive, which is what was strange. I think he really thought it was normal to bring up sex parties and all of that from the very beginning. After a while it became annoying and awkward though- maybe he doesn't know how else to connect with people at this point?

The way that I read your OP was that he was bringing it up because it’s a dealbreaker for him if you aren’t into that. Kind of like some younger women bring up having kids early on. It isn’t that they want to have kids right then, but if a man isn’t interested in that, then there is no point in pursuing the relationship.

that female equivalent would be a woman who brought up having babies in the first conversation then kept on texting “I want to have a baby soooo much! OMG I love babiessss” repeatedly even after the dude made clear he wasn’t interested. Which, I think we would all agree is demented.

Yes. That is demented. But that’s not what happened. Probably OP was polite and steered the conversation away from sex, and the guy kept bringing it back. I agree that it isn’t socially adept, but it’s not demented.

More like if a woman asked if a guy wanted a family, and he laughed and said he hadn’t thought about it, then she asked him what he thought about it and refused to steer the conversation away until she got a clear answer.