Great aunt died during Thanksgiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, I'm really sorry I didn't listen to your voice mail. I'm sorry for your loss. When you are ready, I'd love to talk with you about Great Aunt Milly. I will try to do a better job of listening to voice mails in the future, but I hope you can understand it was a busy time."

Text that and let her have some time to sit with it.

No I wouldn't send that. It encourages more voicemails.

"Mom, I'm really sorry I didn't listen to your voice mail. I'm sorry for your loss. When you are ready, I'd love to talk with you about Great Aunt Milly. I will try to do a better job of responding quicker in the future, but I hope you can understand it was a busy time. Please text if something is urgent."

oh so it's on the mom to accommodate the daughter? You realize this texting culture is very hard for some elderly people since it's fairly new to them and they've been communicating verbally for 70 years?

Well if it was important to Mom, she should’ve called again. Not stewed and stewed for a week with all her free time and then blow a gasket.

Except you don't know that she stewed and stewed. From what I could read, mom assumed that her daughter listened to the VM and only got annoyed when she found out that her daughter couldn't even take 2 min out of her day to listen to the VM. Stop making stuff up.

So you can assume but other people can't? OK then, carry on.

No, I can read what OP wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, I'm really sorry I didn't listen to your voice mail. I'm sorry for your loss. When you are ready, I'd love to talk with you about Great Aunt Milly. I will try to do a better job of listening to voice mails in the future, but I hope you can understand it was a busy time."

Text that and let her have some time to sit with it.

No I wouldn't send that. It encourages more voicemails.

"Mom, I'm really sorry I didn't listen to your voice mail. I'm sorry for your loss. When you are ready, I'd love to talk with you about Great Aunt Milly. I will try to do a better job of responding quicker in the future, but I hope you can understand it was a busy time. Please text if something is urgent."

oh so it's on the mom to accommodate the daughter? You realize this texting culture is very hard for some elderly people since it's fairly new to them and they've been communicating verbally for 70 years?

Well if it was important to Mom, she should’ve called again. Not stewed and stewed for a week with all her free time and then blow a gasket.

Except you don't know that she stewed and stewed. From what I could read, mom assumed that her daughter listened to the VM and only got annoyed when she found out that her daughter couldn't even take 2 min out of her day to listen to the VM. Stop making stuff up.

So you can assume but other people can't? OK then, carry on.

No, I can read what OP wrote.

The mother absolutely had an outsized ("savage") response to OP's failure to listen to a voicemail, so yeah, this was building.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I'd be pissed at you for not listening to my VM for 7 days too. You make excuses but it does not look good from where your mom is sitting.

+1

You were busy on Thanksgiving Day. What about the other six days? You couldn't have listened to a one-minute voicemail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her reaction to you today was bad, but not listening to your mom's voicemail and then getting mad because you didn't know the information she called to tell you is a bad look for you as well.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her reaction to you today was bad, but not listening to your mom's voicemail and then getting mad because you didn't know the information she called to tell you is a bad look for you as well.

+1.

OP was so put out at the idea of listening to a short voice mail that she thinks her mom should have sucked it up and come to Thanksgiving to be with people she can't stand. Because, but for that, OP would have heard the news in person. Otherwise, why do we have all the details about why she wasn't there in person? Who knew listening to a 30 second message was so hard. For 7 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, I'm really sorry I didn't listen to your voice mail. I'm sorry for your loss. When you are ready, I'd love to talk with you about Great Aunt Milly. I will try to do a better job of listening to voice mails in the future, but I hope you can understand it was a busy time."

Text that and let her have some time to sit with it.

No I wouldn't send that. It encourages more voicemails.

"Mom, I'm really sorry I didn't listen to your voice mail. I'm sorry for your loss. When you are ready, I'd love to talk with you about Great Aunt Milly. I will try to do a better job of responding quicker in the future, but I hope you can understand it was a busy time. Please text if something is urgent."

There is no excuse for OP not listening to her mother’s voicemail for a week. OP does not solely get to dictate communication. If she doesn’t want to receive voicemail, she can disable that on her phone. PERIOD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My great-aunt had been sick for several months. I and my mother and sister had visited her several times in recent months given her illness. I was talking to my mom today for about 30 minutes on other topics when suddenly and casually she drops it that my great-aunt died during Thanksgiving. It has been almost a week by now. My mom said she left me a voicemail on the day she dies. She had indeed left me a voicemail, which I assume was a general Thanksgiving greeting (by the way, she does not come to our Thanksgiving because she hates my dad, whom she divorced decades ago, and dislikes my husband's family, whom she finds chaotic). She then proceeded to savage me that I don't pick up the phone and that she is not responsible for people listening to their voicemails and generally got really nasty and mean with me. I don't know how to react. She knew I had over 20 guest for Thanksgiving and that it was a very busy time (I also have three small children and a demanding job). There was no text, no additional call, no sympathy, nothing, just a savage attack on me for my failings in getting her voicemail. Am I the jerk here? I don't know how to process this and feel like my mom just carved a hole in my chest (not an uncommon feeling I get when dealing with her).

You just proved what is said about assume, haven't you? She left you a message and you ignored it. What more was she supposed to do? Your problem.

[Anonymous]

All of you acting like ancient people leave VM and with-it, modern people only text have failed to recognize that it is entirely possible to deactivate voicemail from one’s phone.

If you are so modern and insistent that VM is ancient and texting is the way to go, DEACTIVATE VM.

Stop whining about a communication method over which you have full control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, I'm really sorry I didn't listen to your voice mail. I'm sorry for your loss. When you are ready, I'd love to talk with you about Great Aunt Milly. I will try to do a better job of listening to voice mails in the future, but I hope you can understand it was a busy time."

Text that and let her have some time to sit with it.

This is not a. Apology. OP wasn't busy for a while week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Mom, I'm really sorry I didn't listen to your voice mail. I'm sorry for your loss. When you are ready, I'd love to talk with you about Great Aunt Milly. I will try to do a better job of listening to voice mails in the future, but I hope you can understand it was a busy time."

Text that and let her have some time to sit with it.

This is not a. Apology. OP wasn't busy for a while week.

Are you OK? Do you have a case of the hiccups? Drunk, perhaps?

[Anonymous]

I haven’t checked my voicemail in years. Sometimes I check the voicemail to text but it’s always medical offices, school stuff. Anyone I know would text or call a second time. I don’t think you’re a jerk OP, but just apologize and move on. I think it’s a generational thing.

[Anonymous]

If things were already smooth with your mother, I think she would have called twice. People miss voicemails. Was there an argument that preceded this? Just hard to believe that she would think you listened to a voicemail like that and ignored it. The obvious thought after a week would be that there was either a tech problem and the voicemail didn’t send, or you missed it for some reason.

[Anonymous]

How my great-aunt's death is all about ME, ME, ME!!

[Anonymous]

I’m wondering how close OP is to her mom in general. If I see that my parents have left a message I check it at my first opportunity or call them back. I also would have been in contact with my parents on Thanksgiving Day if we weren’t able to be together. But I have a close relationship with them so even in the busiest times, I don’t go over a week with at least touching base with them. If I know a family member is very sick I reach out even more often.

[Anonymous]

Is she aware you seldom check your voice mail? Maybe suggest an alternative communication method for more time sensitive concerns.