Great aunt died during Thanksgiving
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Anonymous
| My great-aunt had been sick for several months. I and my mother and sister had visited her several times in recent months given her illness. I was talking to my mom today for about 30 minutes on other topics when suddenly and casually she drops it that my great-aunt died during Thanksgiving. It has been almost a week by now. My mom said she left me a voicemail on the day she dies. She had indeed left me a voicemail, which I assume was a general Thanksgiving greeting (by the way, she does not come to our Thanksgiving because she hates my dad, whom she divorced decades ago, and dislikes my husband's family, whom she finds chaotic). She then proceeded to savage me that I don't pick up the phone and that she is not responsible for people listening to their voicemails and generally got really nasty and mean with me. I don't know how to react. She knew I had over 20 guest for Thanksgiving and that it was a very busy time (I also have three small children and a demanding job). There was no text, no additional call, no sympathy, nothing, just a savage attack on me for my failings in getting her voicemail. Am I the jerk here? I don't know how to process this and feel like my mom just carved a hole in my chest (not an uncommon feeling I get when dealing with her). |
Anonymous
| Your mother left you a message seven days ago and you haven’t checked it? Weird. |
Anonymous
| I don’t think you’re a jerk, but I also don’t think she’s a jerk. She tried to call you, you refused to answer, so she left a vm. It’s not her responsibility to make you adult and check your vm… |
Anonymous
Agreed. Surely OP had a free moment the day after thanksgiving to check voicemails. |
Anonymous
| Honestly I'd be pissed at you for not listening to my VM for 7 days too. You make excuses but it does not look good from where your mom is sitting. |
Anonymous
| And this is why you still check voicemail, folks! |
Anonymous
| Her reaction to you today was bad, but not listening to your mom's voicemail and then getting mad because you didn't know the information she called to tell you is a bad look for you as well. |
Anonymous
| Did she leave the news in the voicemail? My parents are the only people who leave me voicemails and yes I listen/read them. |
Anonymous
This is OP, yes, the news was in the VM. |
Anonymous
You wanted sympathy, but did you extend any? You wasted 30 mins blathering about nothing while your mom was probably waiting for you to tell her you were sorry her aunt died. And you didn't mention it. How was she to know you didn't bother to listen to her VM? Did you expect her to keep calling and calling? |
Anonymous
It’s weird to call, leave a VM that Great Aunt Larla died, not follow up, and then berate someone over it a week later. |
Anonymous
Exactly! You have time to post on DCUM so you have time to check VMs. |
Anonymous
|
Miscommunication. Tragedy of errors.
Be an adult, step up and mend fences. |
Anonymous
The onus is on the VM recipient to follow up. |
Anonymous
That's not what OP wrote. Mom mentioned it because she assumed OP knew and OP proceeded to berate her mom about it. |