How to get over someone you had the most incredible chemistry with

[Anonymous]

Just remind yourself, if the relationship progressed to the point of marriage/living together/kids, the daily mundanity, lack of novelty and excitement inherent in living together would have inevitably killed most of that passion anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just had a break up due to logistics with someone I had the most explosive chemistry with. Not to be explicit because obviously the thread needs to be SFW, but I've never had the kind of connection or passion in the bedroom with anyone like this. Breaking up has been shockingly hard, and I didnt expect to be hit so hard with the loss. Has anyone else experienced this kind of break up and if so, how do you move on and forget about it?

Any brain chemistry attraction too? Those are more difficult and need more time to get over than just physical.

Person, Place and Timing.

Agree.

Not clear they had any connection except physical. No deep conversations or shared values.

Seems easier to get over then.

[Anonymous]

OP, it depends. How long did it last and how long has it been? If short in duration you’ll bounce back quicker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just had a break up due to logistics with someone I had the most explosive chemistry with. Not to be explicit because obviously the thread needs to be SFW, but I've never had the kind of connection or passion in the bedroom with anyone like this. Breaking up has been shockingly hard, and I didnt expect to be hit so hard with the loss. Has anyone else experienced this kind of break up and if so, how do you move on and forget about it?

Any brain chemistry attraction too? Those are more difficult and need more time to get over than just physical.

Person, Place and Timing.

Agree.

Not clear they had any connection except physical. No deep conversations or shared values.

Seems easier to get over then.

DP. The OP did focus on sex in the initial post, but leaping to assuming there was absolutely nothing else between them except sex is a bit much.

OP, was there more?

I'm also not going to say it's "easier to get over" if it was primarily physical, either. Depending on the two people involved and what sex means between them--ending things can be more difficult than some here imagine. Sometimes, when a relationship ends before it can move into more mundane, day to day territory, it means the relationship gets frozen at its peak of hot physical passion in the participants' minds. And that can be tough to shake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is it possible he has mistaken or confused you for someone else and he was actually trying to break up with that person, not you, and now he is saying where did that woman go, we had so much chemistry between us? Do you have a similar name or initials, or a similar look or even email address or phone number (text) that could have resulted in him thinking that other person is you, or that you are them? If so it is time for a honest sit down.

???

OP said he did not break up with her.

PP, are you in the right thread?

But that was exactly the point youre making. It could be that OP has been mistaken for someone else by the guy and the break-up that happened was intended to involve one (or two) other people, different people, or at least a different person. Just wondering if this is all a case of mistaken identities and something that out to be looked at in more detail. Almost like when you seal a door with another ddor, it takes opening the first to get the second. lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is it possible he has mistaken or confused you for someone else and he was actually trying to break up with that person, not you, and now he is saying where did that woman go, we had so much chemistry between us? Do you have a similar name or initials, or a similar look or even email address or phone number (text) that could have resulted in him thinking that other person is you, or that you are them? If so it is time for a honest sit down.

???

OP said he did not break up with her.

PP, are you in the right thread?

But that was exactly the point youre making. It could be that OP has been mistaken for someone else by the guy and the break-up that happened was intended to involve one (or two) other people, different people, or at least a different person. Just wondering if this is all a case of mistaken identities and something that out to be looked at in more detail. Almost like when you seal a door with another ddor, it takes opening the first to get the second. lol

Are you high?

[Anonymous]

Years later still trying to move on. I agree with PPs that you’ll eventually arrive to a place of gratefulness. I’m grateful they were in my life at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

What is the actual logistical problem? almost any logistical problem is surmountable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

I never got over it and it has been almost 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It takes a long time but it’s even longer if you sit at home alone and think about it. As they say to get over someone you need to get under someone.

Except sometimes it’s really doesn’t work. It never worked for me. I got married and stayed married for a decade in a completely sucked. I’ve had some great sex since my divorce but I still think of that person almost 2 decades ago, and I’ve never really truly been over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

OP you don’t love each other. People who love each other find a way.

Someone call up Shakespeare and Tolstoy and let them know that. Clearly they made massive errors in their works of fiction if that's the case

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

When people love one another, they will move mountains.

DH focused his entire career search to where I wanted to go. I got a new job to follow DH later. Then we moved again with kids. Now I’m a SAHM.

My BIL recently met someone great from California and he lives on the east coast. They both seemed to think it couldn’t work because both started recent jobs. I thought this was such an easy fix as both of them are extremely bright and could get jobs easily. Instead they gave up due to logistics.

I’m one of the PPs. It’s different later in life if you have kids who are in school and near their other parent. It’s not exactly easy to uproot kids lives, even for true love of one of their parents. Hence my earlier advice to be patient and open and focus on gratitude.

I don’t know what OP’s situation is but everyone jumping on her is really immature and annoying…

+1

Also not everyone *can* move across the country or even have a problem like that. Not everyone can move cities, countries, etc. Sometimes there's too much red tape or the problem would take years to fix. It's amazing how people can get so rooted in their own lived experience "Well, for me it wasn't a problem, I just asked for a transfer at my job and it took a couple months and it all worked out, so it should be easy for you too!" It's such a crazy boomer mentality.

[Anonymous]

No one forgets their first love.

[Anonymous]

I remember fondly the relationship I had years ago with someone with whom I had great chemistry. It didn't end well, but with the passing of time, I am grateful I had the experience of such joy, and I have only affectionate feelings for the person in question.

You'll get through this, OP, because you have to and there's no other way. It will be hard for a while, and then you can feel like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

I never got over it and it has been almost 20 years.

I've moved on and I'm fine but I doubt I'll ever forget it.