When your kid is melting down and people try to "help"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

This.

If you force everyone else to deal with your misbehaving kids then you need to listen to them trying to calm the kid down so they don’t need to deal with it anymore. If you want to show people that you’re in control then you should remove the child and go home. It’s simple.

And yes, I’ve had to remove my kids too. Only once or twice but it has happened. And I’ve never once had other people trying to parent my kids for me because I do it properly myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also feel your pain. I am not exactly proud of this, but one time on a pleasant autumn saturday in georgetown, an older woman approached my tantruming toddler who kept running toward the canal trying to jump in, and as i held my squirming child and trued to put them in their stroller, she said to my kid “oh your mommy is being ao mean to you, poor baby”. And i roared at her “go away, leave me alone!”

Sympathetic as I am, you only proved her point unfortunately

+1
Just like the behavior you SHOULD show your tantruming toddler, ignore her comment and continue doing what needs to be done. Or just say, "thanks" and move on. I don't engage the toddler and I don't engage unhelpful strangers. I definitely don't engage rude strangers. The situation corrects itself quicker with little or no intervention.

Rude strangers are the parents of the child disturbing the peace of the rest of us. Parents should be arrested for disturbing the peace!

Wow! You certainly have a lot of tolerance and patience! Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry OP. My 6 year old has autism and has had some really epic meltdowns in public. I cannot understand what’s going through the minds of people who decide to interject when they see an obviously distressed child and a mother trying to calm her. It takes a special kind of hubris to see that and think, “I bet I know better how to help this situation!”

This!
So it's best just to ignore the ignorance of others. They are not in your shoes.

[Anonymous]

I often wonder if I should offer to help parents — and their kids — who seem to be temporarily overwhelmed. I usually don’t, assuming that help from a stranger — even a stranger with potentially helpful skills — won’t be welcomed. If I did offer to help, “Thanks, I’ve got this” would be a great response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry OP. My 6 year old has autism and has had some really epic meltdowns in public. I cannot understand what’s going through the minds of people who decide to interject when they see an obviously distressed child and a mother trying to calm her. It takes a special kind of hubris to see that and think, “I bet I know better how to help this situation!”

This!
So it's best just to ignore the ignorance of others. They are not in your shoes.

I’m 10:32. You would be wrong - I also have a kid with autism, and am totally in those shoes. Children with autism are even more resistant to being calmed in a public place with extra stimuli. You need something to register, and remove the kid. Also, OP said nothing about autism, just toddler tantrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thing is, you clearly didn’t have it. They were trying to help diffuse an awkward situation.

who tf sees a stranger dealing with a tantruming toddler and thinks they need to “diffuse an awkward situation”???

Someone who’s been in similar situations— and appreciated the help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also feel your pain. I am not exactly proud of this, but one time on a pleasant autumn saturday in georgetown, an older woman approached my tantruming toddler who kept running toward the canal trying to jump in, and as i held my squirming child and trued to put them in their stroller, she said to my kid “oh your mommy is being ao mean to you, poor baby”. And i roared at her “go away, leave me alone!”

No wonder your kid throws tantrums with the behavior you are modeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also feel your pain. I am not exactly proud of this, but one time on a pleasant autumn saturday in georgetown, an older woman approached my tantruming toddler who kept running toward the canal trying to jump in, and as i held my squirming child and trued to put them in their stroller, she said to my kid “oh your mommy is being ao mean to you, poor baby”. And i roared at her “go away, leave me alone!”

Sympathetic as I am, you only proved her point unfortunately

+1
Just like the behavior you SHOULD show your tantruming toddler, ignore her comment and continue doing what needs to be done. Or just say, "thanks" and move on. I don't engage the toddler and I don't engage unhelpful strangers. I definitely don't engage rude strangers. The situation corrects itself quicker with little or no intervention.

So she should have just let her toddler jump into the canal. Ignore him?

OP, people are trying to help, but it’s not helpful. Just ignore & focus on dealing with your child.

Stop him hurting himself, obviously. Ignore the subsequent tantrum, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also feel your pain. I am not exactly proud of this, but one time on a pleasant autumn saturday in georgetown, an older woman approached my tantruming toddler who kept running toward the canal trying to jump in, and as i held my squirming child and trued to put them in their stroller, she said to my kid “oh your mommy is being ao mean to you, poor baby”. And i roared at her “go away, leave me alone!”

No wonder your kid throws tantrums with the behavior you are modeling.

Look at Little Ms. Perfect here!

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. Some people are just lonely and/or have bad social skills so they insert themselves into other people's lives in unhelpful ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

I think the reason we don’t “remove our child” right away is:
1. We are hoping to get things back on track without walking away
2. Maybe child or myself or someone else close to us really needs an item in the store. We recognize there an issue, we’re taking time to listen to our kid on the sidewalk by the store’s entrance…. we’re trying to resolve it.
3. Sorry I don’t want to surfboard carry right now. I think this semi-private location by the carts (not in the way of the carts) is enough to handle what we have.

And then it can turn out the kid still isn’t settling and we need to walk away. Or, we need to go back in. This isn’t 30 minutes, this is like a 2-7 minute tantrum AND WE REALLY WANT the thing in the store. That’s why we drove here. In 2023, there is delivery, but we drove here because we need it sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry OP. My 6 year old has autism and has had some really epic meltdowns in public. I cannot understand what’s going through the minds of people who decide to interject when they see an obviously distressed child and a mother trying to calm her. It takes a special kind of hubris to see that and think, “I bet I know better how to help this situation!”

This!
So it's best just to ignore the ignorance of others. They are not in your shoes.

I’m 10:32. You would be wrong - I also have a kid with autism, and am totally in those shoes. Children with autism are even more resistant to being calmed in a public place with extra stimuli. You need something to register, and remove the kid. Also, OP said nothing about autism, just toddler tantrums.

So.... you want strangers to intervene in your private struggles. Wierd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

Yep, she sounds too permissive "allowing" her child to meltdown in public. Geez, you're obviously not a parent. This is actually normal age appropriate behavior. I'm sure if you were normal you melted down in public at some point. OP, we've all been there. Keep calm and carry on.

I have three children, now grown. And not a single one ever had a tantrum, public or private. I didn't keep them out too long so they got tired or hungry. The main reason was because they were taught how to behave in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you let your child tantrum in public you put yourself in the position of getting unsolicited comments and advice. If you don’t like it remove your child when they melt down.

I think the reason we don’t “remove our child” right away is:
1. We are hoping to get things back on track without walking away
2. Maybe child or myself or someone else close to us really needs an item in the store. We recognize there an issue, we’re taking time to listen to our kid on the sidewalk by the store’s entrance…. we’re trying to resolve it.
3. Sorry I don’t want to surfboard carry right now. I think this semi-private location by the carts (not in the way of the carts) is enough to handle what we have.

And then it can turn out the kid still isn’t settling and we need to walk away. Or, we need to go back in. This isn’t 30 minutes, this is like a 2-7 minute tantrum AND WE REALLY WANT the thing in the store. That’s why we drove here. In 2023, there is delivery, but we drove here because we need it sooner.

Hire a babysitter and keep your tantrumming brats at home!