Was having kids worth the risk it took on your looks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, personally, I was skinnier after having my kids - nursing got me to the skinniest I have ever been (probably too skinny.) I only gained 15-20 pounds with each pregnancy (I had three kids). But maybe most importantly was that my workouts got shorter - but way better - when I had kids. Pre-kids, I would lollygag around the gym, maybe do a class or elliptical? But post-kids, when I had 30 minutes max, I started leaning into weights and HIIT, and definitely can see results.
I'm 43, much fitter than I was in my 20s.
Really flat boobs though!

Also much fitter after kids. Really relished that workout time when my kids were little, and when you suddenly have almost zero downtime, you learn to make efficient use of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of it is related to having kids, not just the pregnancy. And YES kids are worth it. If this is even a question, maybe don’t have kids, surrogate or not. No Botox or retinol during pregnancy and maybe breastfeeding can explain the wrinkles, but having the baby and being busy and sleep deprived doesn’t help. Same re hair, I think not all types of hair dye are safe in pregnancy, but it’s also not always as much of a priority to stay on top of your hair when you’re caring for a newborn.

I'm already sleep deprived and I don't even have kids! I don't feel I aged but I have certain traits that make me appear younger. It runs in the family. I also don't use botox and have no wrinkles. I did lose 35lbs though and I am thin and fit and an almost daily gym goer. I don't dye my hair either but I have seen pregnant women that look to be in their late 40's or 50's to me. I just wonder if it's rapid aging during pregnancy.

Where do you live that you see pregnant women in their late 40s or 50s? That would be vanishingly rare.

[Anonymous]

I was in the best shape of my life when I got pregnant. Gained ~ 25 lbs while pregnant. Worked out my entire pregnancy (vinyasa yoga, weights, walking) and started back up at 4 weeks with yoga and longer walks and at 6 weeks started back up with light weights. Was back at my pre-pregnancy weight by about 8 weeks and had resumed my normal workout routine, though I look thinner in photos because my boobs were so massive from nursing

Not everyone keeps the weight. Nursing, healthy eating without restriction, and getting back to my normal pre-baby workout routine was all I needed.

I’m 50 now and expect I’d look about the same even if I hadn’t had a kid 12 years ago.

[Anonymous]

I was always going to be old and wrinkly at 70. Now ill be old and wrinkly with kids and grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Age gave me all of those things, not my pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was always going to be old and wrinkly at 70. Now ill be old and wrinkly with kids and grandkids.

Yep, this. I hate this nonsense so much. When I look around at women in my age group I don’t see much difference between the moms and non moms. In fact often the moms look much better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was always going to be old and wrinkly at 70. Now ill be old and wrinkly with kids and grandkids.

Yep, this. I hate this nonsense so much. When I look around at women in my age group I don’t see much difference between the moms and non moms. In fact often the moms look much better!

+1 Kids keep you young.

I can't imagine a husband agreeing to use a surrogate instead of his spouse. Couples tend to want to pass on their own and their partner's genetics. The celebs who use surrogates are likely using them because they can't have kids (safely) themselves anymore.

[Anonymous]

They are grey because they aren't using hair dye during pregnancy due to the chemicals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering. Lot of women gain a lot of weight they can't lose after a baby. Some I see with gray or white hair immediately after or while pregnant. Melasma and new wrinkles. I'd like kids but wondering if the reason most celebrities use surrogates is because they don't want a baby to wreck their body. A lot of celebs over 30 are using surrogates.

Are you a teen?

The average age of first birth is over 30 in many US states. Celebrities often use surrogates because of infertility problems, sometimes using donor eggs. Many of them are forty or older.

The cosmetic effects of pregnancy aren't the biggest issue. There's the ones people don't like to talk about like infertility, miscarriage, pelvic floor damage, stitches, incontinence, hemorrhoids, hair loss, mastitis, sleep deprivation, hormone changes, depression, varicose veins, ongoing worry about kids, and the economic impact. Grey hair is the least of new mothers' problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering. Lot of women gain a lot of weight they can't lose after a baby. Some I see with gray or white hair immediately after or while pregnant. Melasma and new wrinkles. I'd like kids but wondering if the reason most celebrities use surrogates is because they don't want a baby to wreck their body. A lot of celebs over 30 are using surrogates.

I mean the reason women want to look good is to attract a man who will put a baby in them. After they get those babies I don’t think most care about their appearance anymore since the primary goal has been achieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering. Lot of women gain a lot of weight they can't lose after a baby. Some I see with gray or white hair immediately after or while pregnant. Melasma and new wrinkles. I'd like kids but wondering if the reason most celebrities use surrogates is because they don't want a baby to wreck their body. A lot of celebs over 30 are using surrogates.

I mean the reason women want to look good is to attract a man who will put a baby in them. After they get those babies I don’t think most care about their appearance anymore since the primary goal has been achieved.

You sound like my unmarried great aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering. Lot of women gain a lot of weight they can't lose after a baby. Some I see with gray or white hair immediately after or while pregnant. Melasma and new wrinkles. I'd like kids but wondering if the reason most celebrities use surrogates is because they don't want a baby to wreck their body. A lot of celebs over 30 are using surrogates.

Ok, none of this is inevitable. I'm a vain person and I managed to get everything back on track, and I look basically the same(minus the early years/the lack of sleep was the worst and I looked pretty rough then.) Don't blame the kids!

But I never had a problem with weight -- was back to my weight in about 9 months after each kid and am still the same weight I've basically been for 25 years (125 pounds). That part is completely up to you. Exercise and diet. Make it a priority. Go to PT after your kids and get your core and pelvic floor muscles back in good health.

grey hair -- um, I color it?

Skin care -- rarely drink alcohol (once a month), use retinal and SPF and good french mouisturizer. Skin looks good!

Plenty of beautiful celebs have their own kids, and I'm sure they are doing all of this and more. It can be done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wondering. Lot of women gain a lot of weight they can't lose after a baby. Some I see with gray or white hair immediately after or while pregnant. Melasma and new wrinkles. I'd like kids but wondering if the reason most celebrities use surrogates is because they don't want a baby to wreck their body. A lot of celebs over 30 are using surrogates.

Are you a teen?

The average age of first birth is over 30 in many US states. Celebrities often use surrogates because of infertility problems, sometimes using donor eggs. Many of them are forty or older.

The cosmetic effects of pregnancy aren't the biggest issue. There's the ones people don't like to talk about like infertility, miscarriage, pelvic floor damage, stitches, incontinence, hemorrhoids, hair loss, mastitis, sleep deprivation, hormone changes, depression, varicose veins, ongoing worry about kids, and the economic impact. Grey hair is the least of new mothers' problems.

That's incorrect. Celebs in their 30s use surrogates.

Amber heard used on and she's in her 30s.

Hollywood actresses have been using surrogates for DECADES. It's much, much more commonplace than people realize. For them, it makes sense from a financial perspective since so much of their marketability relies on how they look. And most of them are so discreet that you would never suspect that they had used one. Also (and this is somewhat less common these days) but there are a few long-term Hollywood couples who are bearding for one another. In the olden days these couples would adopt, but nowadays they use surrogates and fake being pregnant because it's cheaper and easier.

The issue for me is when so-called "celebrities" like hilaria baldwin use surrogates then perpetuate an unrealistic "bounce back" a mere days after giving birth. Hilaria is one of the worst, but she's far from being the only one. Any time you see some thirsty model/actress/whatever showing off her bikini body when she's supposedly given birth within the last couple of months, you can rest assured that a surrogate was involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was always going to be old and wrinkly at 70. Now ill be old and wrinkly with kids and grandkids.

Yep, this. I hate this nonsense so much. When I look around at women in my age group I don’t see much difference between the moms and non moms. In fact often the moms look much better!

+1 Kids keep you young.

I can't imagine a husband agreeing to use a surrogate instead of his spouse. Couples tend to want to pass on their own and their partner's genetics. The celebs who use surrogates are likely using them because they can't have kids (safely) themselves anymore.

Surrogates use IVF -it is generally still the couple’s genetic baby unless they need a donor egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me, there was no question. I always wanted kids and am happy to have them. I also got lucky and got two awesome kids.

But, seriously, if you are even asking this question, just don't have kids. Your priorities are screwed up. If you were asking about risks to your -health- and the changes that can happen with pregnancy to your health, that would be one thing. But your looks? Nope. Don't have kids. Just do what you do best and focus on yourself.

Disagree, it's a fine question to ask. Your looks are part of who you are, and feeling upset about your changing body is a really common effect of pregnancy and parenting (also associated with PPD). And that's without the unrealistic pressure we put on women to "bounce back." We are allowed to care how we look.

Worrying about this does not make OP unfit to parent, it makes her honest with herself about whether she's ready to be a parent.

Can't possibly disagree more. If this is a big point of concern for OP, s/he is in no way ready to be a parent. S/he will not have total control over this outcome, or any other part of the outcome, for that matter. There are already too many selfish, immature people out there sucking at parenting. There is no shortage of children in the world. Anyone who isn't all-in on being a parent should just abstain.

Dp. Yes starting with you. Someone who is so quick to judge a first time would be parent has no business judging other would be moms who haven't even started to parent. This sub is filled with women complaining about being frumpy and you definitely seem like you fit the mold. If you're not concerned about your looks why are you here?

Nope. If you are so self-involved that worries about 10 lbs or gray hair would actually be a consideration as you think about whether or not to be a parent, you aren't ready to be a parent. Being a parent comes with a lot of uncertainty and self-sacrifice. Do you have to just give up on your looks entirely...of course not! But time alone will change your looks and the stress of pregnancy and being a parent can have effects you can't control. To be a parent, you should be mature enough to keep your looks in perspective. There are so many other things worth worrying about when it comes to parenting.

You are sad that you can't understand that someone can have a healthy perspective on looks that isn't all or nothing. Or maybe the post just hit a little close to home??