Was having kids worth the risk it took on your looks?

[Anonymous]

Aging is a risk to your looks. Living is a risk to your looks. If you want kids, have them. You have no idea what will happen to your body. I'm happier now at 45 with how I look than I was in my 20s/30s. Part of it is the confidence that comes with seeing what your body can do--gestate, birth, and nurse children--and part of it is taking better care now, with drinking more water, using better skin care, exercising daily, and being comfortable with my style and owning it.

When my kids were tiny and I was sleep deprived, I still prioritized getting out for a walk every single day, because it helped both of us. My weight is actually a few pounds less now than before I had kids (which I did between ages 33 and 37), again--because I'm taking better care of it.

[Anonymous]

Face appearance is age related, not baby-related.

I had kids at 25 and 30, so I didn't look different apart from having a larger belly after the second kid. Loose belly skin IS pregnancy-related. You can have it tightened if you wish, but most mothers don't care that much. If you have a C-section, you will have a scar. There are pelvic and possibly incontinence issues that some mothers can develop, but it's less frequent.

If you're an older mother, then it makes sense that you might start seeing white hair or wrinkles after birth, because you were going to have that anyway at that age... that is not pregnancy-related.

If you're asking these questions, it doesn't seem you are prepared for the lifelong duties of being a parent. I wanted kids since I was 16, and had my first in grad school. I don't see the point of life without children, speaking for myself ONLY. It's fine if you are happy without children!

[Anonymous]

I'd spend some time unpacking these thoughts.

Is a woman's main value based on her looks?
Can you be a good mother if you are fat, with melasma and eye bags? Does that have value?

Motherhood causes big shifts for many. For some, it's too far into selfless martyrdom, for others it's not far enough into selflessness.

I think modern mothers are concerned about keeping the pieces of themselves together after becoming mothers. Often this takes the investment of an excellent partner in child rearing.

There is no once size fits all answer to what is right. But I would never choose my pre-pregnancy body/face over my children. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with the PPs who say this makes you unfit to be a parent. It is normal and understandable to want to look good and to worry about uncontrollable impacts on your looks. I worried about this and it's one reason among many that I am done at one child. I came out completely unscathed by sheer luck, genetics, and because I gave birth on the young side. But I won't risk it again - even some of my fittest, thinnest friends have stretch marks and loose abs.

The bolded is true - but that's not what the OP is asking. She genuinely wonders whether it's worth it to have children, if that means a negative impact on her appearance. I've enjoyed a lot of the perks that come with being attractive and it literally never occurred to me that those are more important than the experience of having children. Comparing the value of my looks to that my children isn't even worth mentioning.

[Anonymous]

I care about how I look and I've always taken care of myself, but I don't define myself by my appearance or what size I am. Did I wonder what would happen to my looks and my body after I had kids? Sure. But it wasn't a factor in my decision whether to have kids. It wasn't even in the top 10. And it's not as though I always knew I wanted kids. I was actually unsure about having kids for many years, but the impact to my looks was not a factor at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering. Lot of women gain a lot of weight they can't lose after a baby. Some I see with gray or white hair immediately after or while pregnant. Melasma and new wrinkles. I'd like kids but wondering if the reason most celebrities use surrogates is because they don't want a baby to wreck their body. A lot of celebs over 30 are using surrogates.

Many of these celebrities have been open that surrogacy was due to fertility issues. Others might have done it for looks, but their jobs and their livelihood depend on their looks (and they have the money) so they're looking at it through a different lens. For the rest of us normals I don't see how it could even be a consideration. I'm very into my looks and staying fit, so of course I worried about the impact on my body, but it never crossed my mind as a reason not to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Well, personally, I was skinnier after having my kids - nursing got me to the skinniest I have ever been (probably too skinny.) I only gained 15-20 pounds with each pregnancy (I had three kids). But maybe most importantly was that my workouts got shorter - but way better - when I had kids. Pre-kids, I would lollygag around the gym, maybe do a class or elliptical? But post-kids, when I had 30 minutes max, I started leaning into weights and HIIT, and definitely can see results.
I'm 43, much fitter than I was in my 20s.
Really flat boobs though!

[Anonymous]

Let's see, does the very essence of the human experience matter more than details of how you look? Omg. The title of this thread is sick.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like you're really cut out for the whole mom thing, op.

Keep on doing you.

[Anonymous]

Totally worth it. I care about my weight and looks and prioritized them before and after pregnancy. I lost all baby weight within 3 months of both pregnancies. I ran a marathon when my youngest child was 1 and qualified for Boston. I train for endurance bike events. I work full time. Is it hard? Yes! Can everyone do this with kids? Definitely not!

But I have the resources, a supportive husband, and the drive to make it happen. I’m also very good at managing stress. I look younger and am much more fit than my sibling who has no children. I love being a parent. No regrets!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with the PPs who say this makes you unfit to be a parent. It is normal and understandable to want to look good and to worry about uncontrollable impacts on your looks. I worried about this and it's one reason among many that I am done at one child. I came out completely unscathed by sheer luck, genetics, and because I gave birth on the young side. But I won't risk it again - even some of my fittest, thinnest friends have stretch marks and loose abs.

The bolded is true - but that's not what the OP is asking. She genuinely wonders whether it's worth it to have children, if that means a negative impact on her appearance. I've enjoyed a lot of the perks that come with being attractive and it literally never occurred to me that those are more important than the experience of having children. Comparing the value of my looks to that my children isn't even worth mentioning.

Yes, but the PP is saying she won't even risk stretch marks to have another baby. So, she answered the question: No, having kids is not worth the risk (in PP's opinion).

The better question is:
In 10 years when the wrinkles and grey have set in (because they will regardless of what route you go), would you rather be sitting at the thanksgiving table alone or with your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost the weight very quickly after each pregnancy. I have a few childless by choice friends and we are all 50 and I have, by far, aged the best out if the group.

+1

And truthfully, past 50 its a great equalizer. Look at the celebrities that give birth to those that didn't. They don't look that different. Look at the USWNT soccer players that are moms. They look the same.

So if you want to not have kids and miss out on that experience because you think you will look prettier in middle and old age, GOOD LORD.

[Anonymous]

It's a fair question. If your self worth is in your looks, then having kids isn't worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with the PPs who say this makes you unfit to be a parent. It is normal and understandable to want to look good and to worry about uncontrollable impacts on your looks. I worried about this and it's one reason among many that I am done at one child. I came out completely unscathed by sheer luck, genetics, and because I gave birth on the young side. But I won't risk it again - even some of my fittest, thinnest friends have stretch marks and loose abs.

The bolded is true - but that's not what the OP is asking. She genuinely wonders whether it's worth it to have children, if that means a negative impact on her appearance. I've enjoyed a lot of the perks that come with being attractive and it literally never occurred to me that those are more important than the experience of having children. Comparing the value of my looks to that my children isn't even worth mentioning.

Yes, but the PP is saying she won't even risk stretch marks to have another baby. So, she answered the question: No, having kids is not worth the risk (in PP's opinion).

The better question is:
In 10 years when the wrinkles and grey have set in (because they will regardless of what route you go), would you rather be sitting at the thanksgiving table alone or with your kids?

I don't go in for the long-term predictions when it comes to kids, because who knows. Have kids if you think you'll do a good job raising them to independent adulthood, with all the uncertainty that brings. IMO, anyone who considers experience as life-altering and all-encompassing as raising children on par with having good looks lacks the judgment to be a good-enough parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering. Lot of women gain a lot of weight they can't lose after a baby. Some I see with gray or white hair immediately after or while pregnant. Melasma and new wrinkles. I'd like kids but wondering if the reason most celebrities use surrogates is because they don't want a baby to wreck their body. A lot of celebs over 30 are using surrogates.

Wondering... are you as shallow and vain as you sound?