Husband refusing to push his surgery

[Anonymous]

Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not understanding the issue. He freezes his sperm, you both get surgery, done.

Fresh sperm yields better results. It’s insane for him to schedule this at the same time as her IVF after three years of the issue. I’m flabbergasted anyone here is supporting him. Either consciously or unconsciously he does not want to participate in IVF with op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why he has to change his surgery. I don’t think he needs help and I don’t think you do either. Both of you should be fine.

My egg retrieval was done under anesthesia and I wasn't allowed to drive home. Also, my husband had to be there to provide his sperm.

The embryo implantation was 4 days later and there is no anesthesia for that part. However I would have been very disappointed if my husband couldn't come to that.

OP, are you sure your husband really wants a baby and isn't subconsciously trying to sabotage the IVF?

This. Something is up with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

This. This is a surgery that is medically necessary to solve a problem for him. You should be thankful that he found a doctor who can help him, and I can see what he would want to do it ASAP. Show some grace and be happy for him. I can understand that IVF is high stress, but IMO medical conditions, especially one that is causing chronic pain, take greater priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

This. This is a surgery that is medically necessary to solve a problem for him. You should be thankful that he found a doctor who can help him, and I can see what he would want to do it ASAP. Show some grace and be happy for him. I can understand that IVF is high stress, but IMO medical conditions, especially one that is causing chronic pain, take greater priority.

This. Some PPs here are acting as if the man scheduled plastic surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

This. This is a surgery that is medically necessary to solve a problem for him. You should be thankful that he found a doctor who can help him, and I can see what he would want to do it ASAP. Show some grace and be happy for him. I can understand that IVF is high stress, but IMO medical conditions, especially one that is causing chronic pain, take greater priority.

Why didn’t he pursue this six months ago then? Why is he making his appointments when op is scheduling her IVF? Why didn’t he tell her he wanted to resolve his issue before they started cycling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

This. This is a surgery that is medically necessary to solve a problem for him. You should be thankful that he found a doctor who can help him, and I can see what he would want to do it ASAP. Show some grace and be happy for him. I can understand that IVF is high stress, but IMO medical conditions, especially one that is causing chronic pain, take greater priority.

This. Some PPs here are acting as if the man scheduled plastic surgery.

It’s elective surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

This. This is a surgery that is medically necessary to solve a problem for him. You should be thankful that he found a doctor who can help him, and I can see what he would want to do it ASAP. Show some grace and be happy for him. I can understand that IVF is high stress, but IMO medical conditions, especially one that is causing chronic pain, take greater priority.

This. Some PPs here are acting as if the man scheduled plastic surgery.

Because this isn’t a new issue. IVF is scheduled months out. He knew when this was happening, and still scheduled his work right on top of hers. If it was that painful for him, he would have told her to wait so he could get his stuff fixed before she started her IVF cycle. Doing it at the same as her IVF cycle is absolutely insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

This. This is a surgery that is medically necessary to solve a problem for him. You should be thankful that he found a doctor who can help him, and I can see what he would want to do it ASAP. Show some grace and be happy for him. I can understand that IVF is high stress, but IMO medical conditions, especially one that is causing chronic pain, take greater priority.

This. Some PPs here are acting as if the man scheduled plastic surgery.

It’s elective surgery.

Guess what is also elective - IVF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

This. This is a surgery that is medically necessary to solve a problem for him. You should be thankful that he found a doctor who can help him, and I can see what he would want to do it ASAP. Show some grace and be happy for him. I can understand that IVF is high stress, but IMO medical conditions, especially one that is causing chronic pain, take greater priority.

This. Some PPs here are acting as if the man scheduled plastic surgery.

It’s elective surgery.

Guess what is also elective - IVF.

Right. And it’s been in the works for months. So op has her schedule, and now her dh decides he needs his surgery? He absolutely could have started this before her schedule was set. But he didn’t. That’s messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are

Uh, no. Thanks for letting us know you know nothing about IVF.

The idea you would expect your spouse to suffer needlessly through any extra chronic pain is gross and appalling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain affects more than just the body part afflicted. Lots of chronic pain suffers struggle with depression, substance abuse, full-scale addiction, and many suicides are directly tied to living in constant pain.

I’m Team DH on this one - you want him to be well if you’re going to try to have kids with him. Timing is unfortunate, but I don’t fault him at all in taking the available OR.

This. This is a surgery that is medically necessary to solve a problem for him. You should be thankful that he found a doctor who can help him, and I can see what he would want to do it ASAP. Show some grace and be happy for him. I can understand that IVF is high stress, but IMO medical conditions, especially one that is causing chronic pain, take greater priority.

This. Some PPs here are acting as if the man scheduled plastic surgery.

It’s elective surgery.

Guess what is also elective - IVF.

Once she starts stims it’s all locked down. Husband is being a giant baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are

Uh, no. Thanks for letting us know you know nothing about IVF.

The idea you would expect your spouse to suffer needlessly through any extra chronic pain is gross and appalling.

He’s just trying to one-up his wife. Not a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why he has to change his surgery. I don’t think he needs help and I don’t think you do either. Both of you should be fine.

My egg retrieval was done under anesthesia and I wasn't allowed to drive home. Also, my husband had to be there to provide his sperm.

The embryo implantation was 4 days later and there is no anesthesia for that part. However I would have been very disappointed if my husband couldn't come to that.

OP, are you sure your husband really wants a baby and isn't subconsciously trying to sabotage the IVF?

This. Something is up with him.

Yes, the something is that he has been dealing with chronic pain for 3 YEARS and finally found a specialist who had a solution that would relieve the pain.

Those of you making is seem like he is creating a problem scenario have probably not dealt with chronic pain. Have you ever had pain so strong it wouldn't let you sleep? Some of us have had it for a few days. And even after a few days of lack of sleep, it changes you and makes your life difficult. Now imagine that being 3 years instead of 3 days. It can be crippling. As another PP pointed out, it can induce depression, the lack of sleep can completely change your personality as you struggle to survive with the pain. If can keep you from doing the things noe normally does to relieve stress, anxiety, depression, and ease the pain. Some people exercise, walk, do mental activities. If the pain keeps you from exercising or disrupts your ability to concentrate, the additionaly debility can magnify your problems many times over.

I agree with the PP that you call both the surgeon and the RE and you explain the situation and you have them help you find a solution. One of them might be able to shift their procedure or offer options to allow you both to undergo your procedures at offset times. Trying to fix this problem without consulting with the two specialists who set their schedules is not wise.