I think I’m being taken advantage of by DD friend’s mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have younger kids and am not to the hanging out with friends stage yet but is this really an issue for people? This sort of thing happened alllllllll the time growing up. I grew up in a middle lower class town so a lot of friends parents worked nights or weekends and my mom stayed at home and she was super willing to make our house the hang out place (she also yes has a heart of gold and pulled out 6 course meals every night). I had friends over all the time whose parents picked them up after work. I’m scared about what this says about parenting these days if someone asking this one time is this big of an issue.

This is so true - I grew up in a neighborhood where the moms routinely covered for each other like this, and it’s one of the things I miss most now - the sense of community.

[Anonymous]

I would not assume that they are trying to take advantage of you. It sounds like there is a plan if you want her picked up before 9. My DD has a good friend who has a grandma that does a lot of the child care and she has been the one to pick up DD’s friend multiple times. What’s the harm? This friend has never once hosted my kid and I don’t care. We have her over when we can and they have a good time. Play dates are for the kids so we have them with the my kids closest friends regardless of how much they reciprocate who does their child care.

[Anonymous]

I love to have kids over at my house because they end up “babysitting” my kid. I would tell her to stay the night and take her to school in the morning with my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone wants a village but no one wants to BE the village.

Everyone wants a village that consists of fellow UMC people who they'd enjoy socializing with. This mom who works until 9 PM (!!!) is obviously of a lower social status so no one wants her in their village.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get off texting. Talk by phone like real adults.

Lol. 1970 called looking for you.

Ha Ha Ha, omg you’re so witty!

Just pick up the phone and call. There are too many unknowns here. Take the ten year olds out of the equation and talk to this mother about what’s being asked, where the grandmother fits in to all of this and what mom’s intentions are. Texting leaves too much space for miscommunication and lack of tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have younger kids and am not to the hanging out with friends stage yet but is this really an issue for people? This sort of thing happened alllllllll the time growing up. I grew up in a middle lower class town so a lot of friends parents worked nights or weekends and my mom stayed at home and she was super willing to make our house the hang out place (she also yes has a heart of gold and pulled out 6 course meals every night). I had friends over all the time whose parents picked them up after work. I’m scared about what this says about parenting these days if someone asking this one time is this big of an issue.

In a few years you will laugh at yourself for writing this 😊

DP here. My mom was a SAHM mom and did the same. Snow days, an hour or two gap after school, etc, for the "working" parents. It probably helped me make friends, that she was so flexible and willing to have people over.

My mom was a typical parent of Gen X however in that she paid us very little attention so it wasn't much work on her part....

[Anonymous]

Use your words. “I’m happy to have Karla come over after school until X time, but until 9pm won’t work for me. Can grandma come pick Karla up at x time?”. “Oh she can’t? Then can we reschedule the play date to another day?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have younger kids and am not to the hanging out with friends stage yet but is this really an issue for people? This sort of thing happened alllllllll the time growing up. I grew up in a middle lower class town so a lot of friends parents worked nights or weekends and my mom stayed at home and she was super willing to make our house the hang out place (she also yes has a heart of gold and pulled out 6 course meals every night). I had friends over all the time whose parents picked them up after work. I’m scared about what this says about parenting these days if someone asking this one time is this big of an issue.

The difference is your mom knew your friends parents worked late and she agreed to have them stay. This stranger did not give OP any information and intentionally left her daughter at OP’s house till 9pm.

What she should have done was say thanks for the invite. Are you able to pick up my daughter from school since she can’t ride hime with your daughter? Are you able to take her to her grand moms since I have to work till 9pm or could she stay until 9pm?

NONE of that happened and she foster the kid on OP knowing all of the above issues ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone wants a village but no one wants to BE the village.

Everyone wants a village that consists of fellow UMC people who they'd enjoy socializing with. This mom who works until 9 PM (!!!) is obviously of a lower social status so no one wants her in their village.

NP. Disagree. I grew up on FARMS and no way would my mom pull something like this.

It’s not her SES. It’s how she took advantage of OP and purposely failed to communicate important information.

[Anonymous]

OP doesn’t even know where the grandma lives. Is it really that hard to drive the child there after an acceptable length playdate? She already knows the mom’s working hours recently changed. Be kind. Teach your child to be kind.

And if you can’t or will be resentful, reschedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP doesn’t even know where the grandma lives. Is it really that hard to drive the child there after an acceptable length playdate? She already knows the mom’s working hours recently changed. Be kind. Teach your child to be kind.

And if you can’t or will be resentful, reschedule.

Where did OP say the moms working hours changed? The mom knew when she has to work until.

How can OP reschedule when she did not know that she needed to drop off the child or keep the child till 9pm?

Who in this world assumes that when you have your kids friend over for a play date that you have to drive the kid home or that the play date is until 9pm??

[Anonymous]

I would say no. There is no way this won't get even weirder. Make up a white lie. Or say we prefer family time a couple hours before bedtime, 9pm is too late for us, I don't want to be responsible for driving someone else's child. Or you can quote her your babysitting rate!

[Anonymous]

I would say “Let’s do it another day.”

Then some version of “Between driving to pick up at school and to drop off, that’s going to be tough on a school night.”

[Anonymous]

Chiming in as a mom of older teens looking back… I also used to to feel stressed in these situations but looking back I wish I were a lot more mellow. Kids love to be together and that actually makes things things better for the day/evening. Just let the friend join in for dinner, put a movie on and let them hang out til the mom picks up. These are moments kids remember and that have lasting effects. BUT, make sure the mom knows this is not a regular thing. Say things like your DD enjoyed this special occasion, etc

[Anonymous]

OP do you think the other mom convinced her DD to have a play date with your DD so she would have childcare? Or do you think the other mom arranged to have dinner out and once the play date was arranged?

If I were you, I would think that the later work schedule came up AFTER she arranged the play date with you. But I always think the best of people so….

I would have no problem letting the girls stay at my house until 9. MY DD would love that. We do sleepovers and extended play dates all the time and I don’t get being so uptight about this…