I think I’m being taken advantage of by DD friend’s mom

[Anonymous]

Doing someone a favor isn’t being taken advantage of. Being taken advantage of is doing lots of favors that are never reciprocated.

I think you could be nice, at least once…

[Anonymous]

Get the info first.
Where is Grandma's house, does grandma drive?
If it doesn't work, cancel.

If it works for you, let it go. Either she'll do you a solid to pay you back, or she'll impose again and you can cut her off.

If your kid wants the friendship, support that for your daughter's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How well do you know the family? Is it possible that the girl goes to grandma's every day after school, or many days, and mom is letting you know the sitch?

I never assume bad intentions first off.

Yea could be grandma watches her most days or regularly on this day or whatever and the mom was not thinking of you as "childcare". Maybe the girls were insisting on a particular day and Larla's mom thought this was the only option that worked well for you and is trying to make it work despite her schedule and wouldn't prefer this arrangement but is going along with it.

Just be straightforward - I'm happy to pick up the girls and keep Larla until 5:30 but after that (optional: we have a busy evening/homework and family time/etc. if you want to explain further but this isn't required) and I'll need to drop her off. If grandma is too far away and you don't want to just tell her it won't work for you this time and can you find another day where someone can pick her up earlier.

[Anonymous]

What I would do...

I would assume a positive viewpoint and assume that this mom is trying the best for her child and feel bad that she has to work until 9. That must be so hard to try to balance everything. But I am a teacher and see so many parents just trying to make it day to day. Most parents would LOVE to not work those hours but are forced to in order to just skate by.

Should she have mentioned it originally? Of course. But it's very possible that in her list of priorities, that it slipped through.

Let the girls play and have dinner.

Then try to get to know the mom. See what her vibe is. If the girls get along, help out other times and make sure she knows that she is part of a community that helps and cares for each other.

Or you can just do what you are doing and judge her for needing help that day. That seems pretty consistent for the blessed DCUM community.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Mom usually picks her up from school. DD just told me her mom’s hours just changed at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I would do...

I would assume a positive viewpoint and assume that this mom is trying the best for her child and feel bad that she has to work until 9. That must be so hard to try to balance everything. But I am a teacher and see so many parents just trying to make it day to day. Most parents would LOVE to not work those hours but are forced to in order to just skate by.

Should she have mentioned it originally? Of course. But it's very possible that in her list of priorities, that it slipped through.

Let the girls play and have dinner.

Then try to get to know the mom. See what her vibe is. If the girls get along, help out other times and make sure she knows that she is part of a community that helps and cares for each other.

Or you can just do what you are doing and judge her for needing help that day. That seems pretty consistent for the blessed DCUM community.

The part for me that shows OP was manipulated is this. You ABSOLUTELY mention to the parent of a play date that you can’t pick up your child until 9pm! How does this slip one’s mind? It doesn’t.

“Hello Jane! The girls have been talking about getting together. Is this OK with you? Just a heads up, I work until 9pm. Will it still work on your end?”

[Anonymous]

OP, you're in the right - no one should expect an afterschool playdate with 10yos to last until 9pm, especially on a school night. Do you have other kids? Make up an excuse (gotta drive older sibling to soccer, gotta put the toddler to bed at 730pm, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Get off texting. Talk by phone like real adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get off texting. Talk by phone like real adults.

Oh honey

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 10 also and I would have no problem “doing a favor” to this mom. If she starts asking for it every week, then that’s different, but why can’t this friend stay at your house until 9? My daughter goes to bed at 8:30 usually, but I would put a movie on and make an exception.

You are strange OP

OP is not strange. The issue here is that OP was set up by the other mom through her daughter. Had she mentioned it would be until 9 pm OP still would have helped. Issue us other mother was deceptive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get off texting. Talk by phone like real adults.

Lol. 1970 called looking for you.

[Anonymous]

I’d do it this one time but I’d make sure to get the details if there is another playdate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Mom usually picks her up from school. DD just told me her mom’s hours just changed at work.

Your ten year old knows her friend's mom's work schedule?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get off texting. Talk by phone like real adults.

Lol. 1970 called looking for you.

I think it’s a good idea for a call instead of ping ponging in this case.

A weekday “play date” until 9 pm is too long. Maybe switch it to a day when mom can pick up early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I would do...

I would assume a positive viewpoint and assume that this mom is trying the best for her child and feel bad that she has to work until 9. That must be so hard to try to balance everything. But I am a teacher and see so many parents just trying to make it day to day. Most parents would LOVE to not work those hours but are forced to in order to just skate by.

Should she have mentioned it originally? Of course. But it's very possible that in her list of priorities, that it slipped through.

Let the girls play and have dinner.

Then try to get to know the mom. See what her vibe is. If the girls get along, help out other times and make sure she knows that she is part of a community that helps and cares for each other.

Or you can just do what you are doing and judge her for needing help that day. That seems pretty consistent for the blessed DCUM community.

The part for me that shows OP was manipulated is this. You ABSOLUTELY mention to the parent of a play date that you can’t pick up your child until 9pm! How does this slip one’s mind? It doesn’t.

“Hello Jane! The girls have been talking about getting together. Is this OK with you? Just a heads up, I work until 9pm. Will it still work on your end?”

+1. This is how the mom should’ve worded it. Maybe she doesn’t know proper play date decorum is to end the date before dinner.