I think I’m being taken advantage of by DD friend’s mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

You sound unstable.

No one owes you babysitting.

[Anonymous]

She intentionally set you up OP to not only babysit her kid, but feed the kid, and the chauffeur her to her grandmom.

This would be a hard no to future playdates for me.

[Anonymous]

These are 10 year olds, not toddlers. 9 is late for a school night, but it’s not THAT late. This sort of seems like a regular play date, and not a huge imposition to me. My kid had sports until 9:30 once or twice a week at that age. I wouldn’t assume the mom picked this specific day just to try to get some free child care - maybe she doesn’t realize 9 is super late for you? And you said it was fine, so how is she to know you’re all upset about it?! Is your 10yo your oldest and you have little ones to put to bed earlier? My kids are around 10 now (some older, some younger) and they sometimes hang out at friends houses, or we have friends here, till 9. I’d say 3/5 week nights I am feeding other kids dinner and/or my kids are getting fed elsewhere. But this is all within the neighborhood and usually spur of the moment.

I think you need to get to know the mom better to have a better understanding of if you’re being taken advantage of. And if you actually have something else to do that day, by all means suggest a different date! Sibling has sports at 7 and your DH isn’t around? Sorry, try for another day!

[Anonymous]

A LOT Of this depends on your relationship with the mom, the closeness of the daughters and what your interactions have been like up to this.

Of it is a mom i have a casual or close relationship with, no biggie unless I know she pulls this with other people.
If the kids were really close I wouldn't care but if this is just a casual friendship and I didn't really know the mom well, i think I would reschedule. Just becuase I have a lot of driving to do already with my other kids and i wouldn't want to add to it on a random school night but would be happy to reschedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are 10 year olds, not toddlers. 9 is late for a school night, but it’s not THAT late. This sort of seems like a regular play date, and not a huge imposition to me. My kid had sports until 9:30 once or twice a week at that age. I wouldn’t assume the mom picked this specific day just to try to get some free child care - maybe she doesn’t realize 9 is super late for you? And you said it was fine, so how is she to know you’re all upset about it?! Is your 10yo your oldest and you have little ones to put to bed earlier? My kids are around 10 now (some older, some younger) and they sometimes hang out at friends houses, or we have friends here, till 9. I’d say 3/5 week nights I am feeding other kids dinner and/or my kids are getting fed elsewhere. But this is all within the neighborhood and usually spur of the moment.

I think you need to get to know the mom better to have a better understanding of if you’re being taken advantage of. And if you actually have something else to do that day, by all means suggest a different date! Sibling has sports at 7 and your DH isn’t around? Sorry, try for another day!

This! You don’t need to assume she’s trying to take advantage of you. She could be disorganized (for whatever reason) or could be in a job where she has no control over last minute schedule changes.

If it doesn’t work for you then reschedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are 10 year olds, not toddlers. 9 is late for a school night, but it’s not THAT late. This sort of seems like a regular play date, and not a huge imposition to me. My kid had sports until 9:30 once or twice a week at that age. I wouldn’t assume the mom picked this specific day just to try to get some free child care - maybe she doesn’t realize 9 is super late for you? And you said it was fine, so how is she to know you’re all upset about it?! Is your 10yo your oldest and you have little ones to put to bed earlier? My kids are around 10 now (some older, some younger) and they sometimes hang out at friends houses, or we have friends here, till 9. I’d say 3/5 week nights I am feeding other kids dinner and/or my kids are getting fed elsewhere. But this is all within the neighborhood and usually spur of the moment.

I think you need to get to know the mom better to have a better understanding of if you’re being taken advantage of. And if you actually have something else to do that day, by all means suggest a different date! Sibling has sports at 7 and your DH isn’t around? Sorry, try for another day!

This! You don’t need to assume she’s trying to take advantage of you. She could be disorganized (for whatever reason) or could be in a job where she has no control over last minute schedule changes.

If it doesn’t work for you then reschedule.

Her inability to stay organized or her inflexible job are not OPs problem. The woman should hire reliable help. Having the kid over until 9pm is not a play date, it's free babysitting. Not divulging facts at the outset is manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are 10 year olds, not toddlers. 9 is late for a school night, but it’s not THAT late. This sort of seems like a regular play date, and not a huge imposition to me. My kid had sports until 9:30 once or twice a week at that age. I wouldn’t assume the mom picked this specific day just to try to get some free child care - maybe she doesn’t realize 9 is super late for you? And you said it was fine, so how is she to know you’re all upset about it?! Is your 10yo your oldest and you have little ones to put to bed earlier? My kids are around 10 now (some older, some younger) and they sometimes hang out at friends houses, or we have friends here, till 9. I’d say 3/5 week nights I am feeding other kids dinner and/or my kids are getting fed elsewhere. But this is all within the neighborhood and usually spur of the moment.

I think you need to get to know the mom better to have a better understanding of if you’re being taken advantage of. And if you actually have something else to do that day, by all means suggest a different date! Sibling has sports at 7 and your DH isn’t around? Sorry, try for another day!

9 pm it’s bedtime for many 10 year olds so in my opinion, it’s way too late for a play date to end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are 10 year olds, not toddlers. 9 is late for a school night, but it’s not THAT late. This sort of seems like a regular play date, and not a huge imposition to me. My kid had sports until 9:30 once or twice a week at that age. I wouldn’t assume the mom picked this specific day just to try to get some free child care - maybe she doesn’t realize 9 is super late for you? And you said it was fine, so how is she to know you’re all upset about it?! Is your 10yo your oldest and you have little ones to put to bed earlier? My kids are around 10 now (some older, some younger) and they sometimes hang out at friends houses, or we have friends here, till 9. I’d say 3/5 week nights I am feeding other kids dinner and/or my kids are getting fed elsewhere. But this is all within the neighborhood and usually spur of the moment.

I think you need to get to know the mom better to have a better understanding of if you’re being taken advantage of. And if you actually have something else to do that day, by all means suggest a different date! Sibling has sports at 7 and your DH isn’t around? Sorry, try for another day!

Sports is different than taking on an extra kid for six hours. This is not a play date. Not ok for someone they don’t know nor agreed to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are 10 year olds, not toddlers. 9 is late for a school night, but it’s not THAT late. This sort of seems like a regular play date, and not a huge imposition to me. My kid had sports until 9:30 once or twice a week at that age. I wouldn’t assume the mom picked this specific day just to try to get some free child care - maybe she doesn’t realize 9 is super late for you? And you said it was fine, so how is she to know you’re all upset about it?! Is your 10yo your oldest and you have little ones to put to bed earlier? My kids are around 10 now (some older, some younger) and they sometimes hang out at friends houses, or we have friends here, till 9. I’d say 3/5 week nights I am feeding other kids dinner and/or my kids are getting fed elsewhere. But this is all within the neighborhood and usually spur of the moment.

I think you need to get to know the mom better to have a better understanding of if you’re being taken advantage of. And if you actually have something else to do that day, by all means suggest a different date! Sibling has sports at 7 and your DH isn’t around? Sorry, try for another day!

This! You don’t need to assume she’s trying to take advantage of you. She could be disorganized (for whatever reason) or could be in a job where she has no control over last minute schedule changes.

If it doesn’t work for you then reschedule.

Her inability to stay organized or her inflexible job are not OPs problem. The woman should hire reliable help. Having the kid over until 9pm is not a play date, it's free babysitting. Not divulging facts at the outset is manipulative.

THIS x 100. I don’t get how people on here don’t understand this.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. I’m torn. Depends on how grew up. Also, what is the difference between a play date and having a friend over? I remember being at neighbors homes for dinner and staying late but leaving before bed. Also, 14 or so years ago the sleepover without sleeping over was a thing, people would have birthday parties and the kids would leave around 9/10pm.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of missing information here that would change the response.

The best possible read on this is that the child would normally go home on the bus to her grandmother's house until her mom got off work. That's not uncommon in a lot of families. Except this time the kid was super excited to have a playdate and got most of the way towards setting it up before her mom ever knew. Then, the mom has to try to navigate the logistics while not seeming like a burden.

Honestly, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me for OP to run the kid home before dinner or right after dinner. If we assume that this kid somehow gets to the grandmother's house after school, it's almost certainly not that far away. Sure, it's 20 minutes out of her life that she hadn't planned on, but it's also a friendship for her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

You sound unstable.

No one owes you babysitting.

+1
This. The mom is rude, OP. Suggest a playdate at her house, see how that goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it incredible that people on here are siding with the mom. She intentionally did not covet facts to OP when discussing the play date of the 9pm time.

For all you people, let’s arrange a 1st play date with a child and family who you don’t know. Then when the kid is there tell you that she either needs to stay till 9pm or you need to drive far away and drop her off at grandmom.

Who in their right mind does this s’hit?

You sound unstable.

No one owes you babysitting.

+1
This. The mom is rude, OP. Suggest a playdate at her house, see how that goes.

To add, it is the "it takes a village" users who are defending their stance.

[Anonymous]

I knew (know) a woman like this. She tried to act all "it takes a village" but she only ever took, never gave. And felt no shame. And she would never just come out and ask what she wanted - it was always underhanded trickle-truths.

[Anonymous]

My response would be:

"So sorry that doesn't work for our schedule. Can someone pick up your DD at 6 pm? If not, let's plan for another day."