I think I’m being taken advantage of by DD friend’s mom

[Anonymous]

DD10’s friend planted the seed that she’d like to come over. They’ve been talking about if for days, apparently. Today the mom texted me and mentioned the girls’ plan, and asked if it would be OK if her DD came home with my DD after school, like they’ve been planning. Of course, I said.

It’s not an “inconvenience” per se, but DD is a busser, but since COVID they don’t allow friends to go home with you on the bus, so I will have to brave the school pickup line to grab them. But fine, whatever.

A few minutes later the mom tells me she actually has to work, until NINE! And that I can drop the girl off at her grandma’s house if I need to before then.

Say what? So I’m babysitting.

I still have no idea where grandma lives (still waiting to hear) but if it’s far, I really don’t want to have to pick up, watch, feed, and then drop off, too! It just feels icky to me the way it was presented.

But I get that it takes a village and I’m helping this mom out, even if her approach was sneaky, plus, DD wants to hang out with her friend.

So. If grandma lives close, I don’t mind dropping off. If she’s far, I would rather grandma grab her at a certain time. If she can’t do that, it doesn’t work for me.

What is the best way to word this to the mom once I hear back?

[Anonymous]

Plan to feed the kids dinner and make sure they get any homework done. Wait for mom to pick up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plan to feed the kids dinner and make sure they get any homework done. Wait for mom to pick up.

No. That doesn’t work with our schedule, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Next time make sure to get commitments on the details before you agree to it.

Make sure they don't have that great a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time make sure to get commitments on the details before you agree to it.

Make sure they don't have that great a time.

How would you word that? I’m so bad at things like this!

“Are you OK with Larla come over like the girls’ have been talking about?”

What would you say next to get all the details?

[Anonymous]

Personally because I'm a softie I would do it just this one time. See if the girls get along well. I agree you're being taken advantage of but it would mean more to me that my kid gets to play with someone they like. In the future feel free to say no.

[Anonymous]

How well do you know the family? Is it possible that the girl goes to grandma's every day after school, or many days, and mom is letting you know the sitch?

I never assume bad intentions first off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally because I'm a softie I would do it just this one time. See if the girls get along well. I agree you're being taken advantage of but it would mean more to me that my kid gets to play with someone they like. In the future feel free to say no.

OP here. This is how I feel. I’ll probably agree this time, assuming the parameters listed align. But I definitely won’t make it a habit!

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 10 also and I would have no problem “doing a favor” to this mom. If she starts asking for it every week, then that’s different, but why can’t this friend stay at your house until 9? My daughter goes to bed at 8:30 usually, but I would put a movie on and make an exception.

You are strange OP

[Anonymous]

She's very strange.

I would welcome her daughter until the stated time, then not accept a playdate again. This poor kid is maybe desperate to socialize with normal people, but I don't have the bandwidth to deal with such parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 10 also and I would have no problem “doing a favor” to this mom. If she starts asking for it every week, then that’s different, but why can’t this friend stay at your house until 9? My daughter goes to bed at 8:30 usually, but I would put a movie on and make an exception.

You are strange OP

FYI we have play dates an sleepovers at my place or friends’ place every week so I really don’t see what the big deal is.

[Anonymous]

Is this on a Friday or a school night? If a Friday, unless you have dinner plans or something, just have the mother come get her after work - let the kids eat dinner and watch a movie. If it's a weeknight, say you need to reschedule because you can't make anything past X time work on a weekday and you're not available to drive her to her grandmother's house.

[Anonymous]

If Grandma lives far, I would say Grandma needs to come pick up. If she says Grandma doesn't drive, I would say Grandma needs to come in a taxi or Uber, and we will expect her at [time]. If that doesn't work, no playdate.

[Anonymous]

I mean, where would this kid be going after school if there was no play date? Grandma’s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, where would this kid be going after school if there was no play date? Grandma’s?

That's my question. If she goes there every or most days and mom often works late, the other mom probably isn't even thinking of it as babysitting.