Returns gifts when relationship ends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your revenge is being happy without him. He’s stuck in a marriage where his needs aren’t being met, and his wife is unknowingly stuck with a piece of trash husband. You don’t need to get revenge on these people.

What steps do you need to take to be happy without him? Therapy is probably a good first step. And probably a divorce, because I bet you are not happy in your marriage.

And OP’s spouse? Also unknowingly stuck.

[Anonymous]

Someone's bunny is going to get boiled.

[Anonymous]

I'm not following - if the OP and the AP man both were married to other people, how did this go on undetected for 10 years?? Were all the airport pickups because they were in different states or something? Would she fly back out his way, clad in a hoodie, just to put the items on a doorstep in a different state then take off undetected again? What would she tell her family is the reason for the trip? It's a level of double life I wouldn't have the skillz to know how to pull off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your revenge is being happy without him. He’s stuck in a marriage where his needs aren’t being met, and his wife is unknowingly stuck with a piece of trash husband. You don’t need to get revenge on these people.

What steps do you need to take to be happy without him? Therapy is probably a good first step. And probably a divorce, because I bet you are not happy in your marriage.

You fail to realize that your description of the man ALSO characterizes OP. She is no better. She's a disgusting POS scumbag cheater too.

OP didn’t ask for help identifying her moral failings. She is looking for ways to express her pain and seek revenge. Hence my answer.

[Anonymous]

OP, do this only if you want your husband to find out about the affair. What you propose doing could end with your former AP outing you to your husband, if you burn the AP by dumping his gifts and his wife finds out about the affair that way. Do not put it past your ex-AP to deal you the same s**t you dealt him, if you out him to his wife.

And let's face it, aren't you hoping on some level that that's what will happen here? He'll get outed to the DW whose real-world role you wish you could have filled? This is the sort of stuff that has some of us here saying, please get therapy and work out why you hung on for 10 years and feel you were in a relationship that didn't really exist, OP.

Gather the stuff NOW, drive directly to Goodwill or whatever, and dump it there. I'd usually say that if any jewelry is valuable, sell it fast and take the money to spend on yourself, but you sound so wound up that in your case, unless you actually are in need of cash, I say just donate it all, immediately, today. If you trash it, put it in a dumpster far from home. The longer you sit and stew over these possessions the greater the chance you'll do something stupid with them out of vengeance. Don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s things made for me. Paintings. A piece of jewlery. Things that would be sentimental. I guess I want to make him feel bad. Not healthy. You are all correct.

He might have been feeling sentimental in the moment, but he's clearly not feeling sentimental now if, as you say in one of your other posts, he called you names when you suggested marriage with him. Dollars to donuts if you did the drop off, he'd double down on calling you crazy and it might actually strengthen his ties with his wife. Bonding over surviving the crazy and all. Like you said, going no contact is the better option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want the BS to see it. I’m angry and hurt not evil.

If you weren’t evil you wouldn’t have even considered leaving them on his front porch. Get professional help.

Isn't it evil to have relationship with someone's spouse and father behind their backs? Yes, he is worse but you aren't an angel either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long term affair recently ended. No discovery by spouses. I want to leave all the gifts ever given to me on the APs doorstep, ring the doorbell and leave.

Yea or Nay?

If you really want it to be over, throw away everything. If he contacts again, decline. Move on. Find someone who is single, not a cheater and wants to love and honor you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want the BS to see it. I’m angry and hurt not evil.

If you weren’t evil you wouldn’t have even considered leaving them on his front porch. Get professional help.

Isn't it evil to have relationship with someone's spouse and father behind their backs? Yes, he is worse but you aren't an angel either.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want the BS to see it. I’m angry and hurt not evil.

If you weren’t evil you wouldn’t have even considered leaving them on his front porch. Get professional help.

Isn't it evil to have relationship with someone's spouse and father behind their backs? Yes, he is worse but you aren't an angel either.

+100

He's not worse if she also is married. They are the same POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long term affair recently ended. No discovery by spouses. I want to leave all the gifts ever given to me on the APs doorstep, ring the doorbell and leave.

Yea or Nay?

If you really want it to be over, throw away everything. If he contacts again, decline. Move on. Find someone who is single, not a cheater and wants to love and honor you.

I think she's angry because he dumped her AND went no contact. She now wants to out him and seeks revenge.

He called her names when she brought up marriage to him?? I'm confused. I guess it was his way to blow it up so she wouldn't keep obsessing about him. Be mean and nasty and go no contact.

I think that pretty much tells her what he truly thought of her all those years.

[Anonymous]

The only person you should be angry at is yourself.

You were banging another woman’s husband for 10 years wishing she would divorce him or die so you could take her place.

It sounds like you are married too which makes it an even greater moral failing on your part.

You are mad because you wasted and invested 10 years in someone that was unavailable at the start. You are every OW cliche out there. All the people that told you he was never going to leave her were correct.

Get some therapy and stop going after people in committed relationships.

[Anonymous]

Karma came and left you high and dry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want the BS to see it. I’m angry and hurt not evil.

If you weren’t evil you wouldn’t have even considered leaving them on his front porch. Get professional help.

Isn't it evil to have relationship with someone's spouse and father behind their backs? Yes, he is worse but you aren't an angel either.

He’s not worse. She’s married, too. And not a little psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pulled strings to get his daughter into school, show up for everything, every airport pickup, errand everything! for 10 years and I can’t consider an real relationship/marriage. The names I was called for suggesting it. So angry. And hurt.

You are all right. I will just ghost.

You said in your original post, “No discovery by spouses”, which would indicate that you’re married. You should have considered the real relationship/marriage you were already in. Even if that was a typo, you knew he was married. If you expected a real relationship/marriage to be valued, you should never have started the affair. Moreover, you saw that he placed no value on the real relationship/marriage he already had, because he was cheating with you. If he considered his marriage meaningless, why would you want the same relationship?

You were both selfish and showed that you placed no values on the relationships you had with people who loved and trusted you and whom you had voluntarily committed to. Why would either of you expect the other to treat you better without that commitment?

You seem to have very little regard for the marriage you do have. I suggest you focus on it. Either commit to it and stop having affairs, or put an end to it so you can go find a real relationship/marriage and let your husband do the same.