Son is too embarrassed to return to campus to finish BA as a 5th year

[Anonymous]

OP, it will be so much more embarrasing for him to ... not have a degree!

The sting of it will fade once he gets there, and a few years from now no one will care or remember. But if he let's this keep him from finishing, it will be a lifelong embarrasment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

Huh? First of all op said it’s not a liberal arts college. Second, I went to Wes and can literally remember only two people who took an extra year or semester to graduate. One did a study abroad on his own and the credits didn’t transfer well and the other was editor in chief of the paper and took a super light load in order to manage the workload of putting out the paper.

Yea, well you obviously didn’t know a lot of your classmates because according to Wes’s own website the four year graduation rate has never even hit 90 percent and typically is closer to 80 percent. So lots and lots of Wes students aren’t graduating in four years.

https://www.wesleyan.edu/ir/graduation-retention.html

Can you not read your own link correctly? That's not what this data says. I'm not going to waste my time explaining it.

The data is crystal clear. There hasn’t been a single year in the history of Wesleyan where only two students didn’t graduate in four years. Even accounting for transfers and drop outs after the first year. There’s nothing to “explain.” It’s right there in your face.

Wesleyan has a very good graduation rate, but it is not nearly as close to perfect as you believe it is. No school is.

[Anonymous]

Here is a link to the four year graduation rates for virtually every college in the country, compiled by the College Board. Sorry, Wes grad.

https://secure-media.collegeboard.org/digitalServices/pdf/professionals/four-year-graduation-rates-for-four-year-colleges.pdf

[Anonymous]

This might be the mother of all First World problems. It’s close to “The Beemer daddy bought me for graduation is the wrong shade of pink.”

Can he take online classes? Or take at least some classes elsewhere & transfer them to his college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Transferring will involve losing a lot of course credits that won't transfer to the new institution, i.e. he may have to be at the new institution for 2 or 3 years instead of 1 year where he is now.

He would most likely have to transfer to a lesser institution.

This. I doubt he will be able to transfer all his credits to a different institution and graduate in the same amount of time he would if he just stuck it out.

Also, how old is he now? 22? He is an adult. He needs to just suck it up and finish his degree at his college. No one cares. If some people really do care, he should have learned the "well, f* them" lesson already in life but I guess better later than never?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people take more than 4 years to graduate. There is no shame in it. Also remind him there will be a new crop of women entering via admission and transfer that will need guidance from someone familiar with the university.

Ah, it's the dirty old man poster. How have you been?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worth knowing what caused the shaky grades. Is he in over his head or were his priorities off? to state the obvious if he didn't graduate it means he didn't pass the classes. And not just one or two but enough to have to stay a whole year

If in over his head I might consider letting my kid finish elsewhere but not at a school that will cost more.

if priorities are off he might need a life coach/mentor/therapist to help him get on track. Kids often need to hear tough talk from adults other than their parents.

Not just a class or two this fall, he will have to be on campus for courses the entire academic year. Slacking off, partying, and got in over his head. Doesn’t seem interested in partying anymore. All of his friends moved on and are working big city jobs or off the law and medical school.

Hmmmm. How is he really, OP, because many students slack off and party" and still graduate on time. And what happened when he was "in over his head".

I saw another poster congratulating you on his honesty. Is he being honest? Because this sounds a bit more like addiction issues. Is it possible he doesn't want to go back because he realizes his sobriety (drugs, alcohol, whatever) is somewhat fragile?

But I also agree transferring isn't a great option. You are kind of down to the wire here. I would try to have another talk with him and figure out if you are hearing the real story. If he truly is just embarrassed, he should plan to go back, but with a counseling appointment set up to help him work through the feelings. If it's something more serious, if extra time at home is possible to address those issues that might not be a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

It'll be a lot more embarrassing not to have a BA.

I'm a college professor. No one really cares or notices. Everyone is in their own head Senior year, academically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worth knowing what caused the shaky grades. Is he in over his head or were his priorities off? to state the obvious if he didn't graduate it means he didn't pass the classes. And not just one or two but enough to have to stay a whole year

If in over his head I might consider letting my kid finish elsewhere but not at a school that will cost more.

if priorities are off he might need a life coach/mentor/therapist to help him get on track. Kids often need to hear tough talk from adults other than their parents.

Not just a class or two this fall, he will have to be on campus for courses the entire academic year. Slacking off, partying, and got in over his head. Doesn’t seem interested in partying anymore. All of his friends moved on and are working big city jobs or off the law and medical school.

Hmmmm. How is he really, OP, because many students slack off and party" and still graduate on time. And what happened when he was "in over his head".

I saw another poster congratulating you on his honesty. Is he being honest? Because this sounds a bit more like addiction issues. Is it possible he doesn't want to go back because he realizes his sobriety (drugs, alcohol, whatever) is somewhat fragile?

But I also agree transferring isn't a great option. You are kind of down to the wire here. I would try to have another talk with him and figure out if you are hearing the real story. If he truly is just embarrassed, he should plan to go back, but with a counseling appointment set up to help him work through the feelings. If it's something more serious, if extra time at home is possible to address those issues that might not be a bad idea.

Oh my god Drama Queen. OP’s kid isn’t the first one to attend a good private school and party / slack off a little too much. Doesn’t make him an addict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worth knowing what caused the shaky grades. Is he in over his head or were his priorities off? to state the obvious if he didn't graduate it means he didn't pass the classes. And not just one or two but enough to have to stay a whole year

If in over his head I might consider letting my kid finish elsewhere but not at a school that will cost more.

if priorities are off he might need a life coach/mentor/therapist to help him get on track. Kids often need to hear tough talk from adults other than their parents.

Not just a class or two this fall, he will have to be on campus for courses the entire academic year. Slacking off, partying, and got in over his head. Doesn’t seem interested in partying anymore. All of his friends moved on and are working big city jobs or off the law and medical school.

Hmmmm. How is he really, OP, because many students slack off and party" and still graduate on time. And what happened when he was "in over his head".

I saw another poster congratulating you on his honesty. Is he being honest? Because this sounds a bit more like addiction issues. Is it possible he doesn't want to go back because he realizes his sobriety (drugs, alcohol, whatever) is somewhat fragile?

But I also agree transferring isn't a great option. You are kind of down to the wire here. I would try to have another talk with him and figure out if you are hearing the real story. If he truly is just embarrassed, he should plan to go back, but with a counseling appointment set up to help him work through the feelings. If it's something more serious, if extra time at home is possible to address those issues that might not be a bad idea.

Extra time at home just makes the situation even worse? Would graduation another year, so he’d probably say to hell with it by that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

Huh? First of all op said it’s not a liberal arts college. Second, I went to Wes and can literally remember only two people who took an extra year or semester to graduate. One did a study abroad on his own and the credits didn’t transfer well and the other was editor in chief of the paper and took a super light load in order to manage the workload of putting out the paper.

Yea, well you obviously didn’t know a lot of your classmates because according to Wes’s own website the four year graduation rate has never even hit 90 percent and typically is closer to 80 percent. So lots and lots of Wes students aren’t graduating in four years.

https://www.wesleyan.edu/ir/graduation-retention.html

Can you not read your own link correctly? That's not what this data says. I'm not going to waste my time explaining it.

The long term 4 year graduation rate is around 85% and has been much closer to 80% recently. The reality is much closer to the PP than the "two people" poster above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worth knowing what caused the shaky grades. Is he in over his head or were his priorities off? to state the obvious if he didn't graduate it means he didn't pass the classes. And not just one or two but enough to have to stay a whole year

If in over his head I might consider letting my kid finish elsewhere but not at a school that will cost more.

if priorities are off he might need a life coach/mentor/therapist to help him get on track. Kids often need to hear tough talk from adults other than their parents.

Not just a class or two this fall, he will have to be on campus for courses the entire academic year. Slacking off, partying, and got in over his head. Doesn’t seem interested in partying anymore. All of his friends moved on and are working big city jobs or off the law and medical school.

Hmmmm. How is he really, OP, because many students slack off and party" and still graduate on time. And what happened when he was "in over his head".

I saw another poster congratulating you on his honesty. Is he being honest? Because this sounds a bit more like addiction issues. Is it possible he doesn't want to go back because he realizes his sobriety (drugs, alcohol, whatever) is somewhat fragile?

But I also agree transferring isn't a great option. You are kind of down to the wire here. I would try to have another talk with him and figure out if you are hearing the real story. If he truly is just embarrassed, he should plan to go back, but with a counseling appointment set up to help him work through the feelings. If it's something more serious, if extra time at home is possible to address those issues that might not be a bad idea.

OP here. Not the most gifted student. No problem admitting that. The friends he had who could juggle it all and still get excellent grades were gifted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worth knowing what caused the shaky grades. Is he in over his head or were his priorities off? to state the obvious if he didn't graduate it means he didn't pass the classes. And not just one or two but enough to have to stay a whole year

If in over his head I might consider letting my kid finish elsewhere but not at a school that will cost more.

if priorities are off he might need a life coach/mentor/therapist to help him get on track. Kids often need to hear tough talk from adults other than their parents.

Not just a class or two this fall, he will have to be on campus for courses the entire academic year. Slacking off, partying, and got in over his head. Doesn’t seem interested in partying anymore. All of his friends moved on and are working big city jobs or off the law and medical school.

Hmmmm. How is he really, OP, because many students slack off and party" and still graduate on time. And what happened when he was "in over his head".

I saw another poster congratulating you on his honesty. Is he being honest? Because this sounds a bit more like addiction issues. Is it possible he doesn't want to go back because he realizes his sobriety (drugs, alcohol, whatever) is somewhat fragile?

But I also agree transferring isn't a great option. You are kind of down to the wire here. I would try to have another talk with him and figure out if you are hearing the real story. If he truly is just embarrassed, he should plan to go back, but with a counseling appointment set up to help him work through the feelings. If it's something more serious, if extra time at home is possible to address those issues that might not be a bad idea.

Extra time at home just makes the situation even worse? Would extend graduation another year, so he’d probably say to hell with it by that point.

[Anonymous]

Well, he should've thought about that first 4 years. Who cares what other people think.

[Anonymous]

This makes no sense. Due to Covid a lot of kids are off on graduation time. A lot of colleges are doing full December graduation ceremonies because so many kids are not May graduates.