Son is too embarrassed to return to campus to finish BA as a 5th year

[Anonymous]

Many people take more than 4 years to graduate. There is no shame in it. Also remind him there will be a new crop of women entering via admission and transfer that will need guidance from someone familiar with the university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many people take more than 4 years to graduate. There is no shame in it. Also remind him there will be a new crop of women entering via admission and transfer that will need guidance from someone familiar with the university.

What are you, 12?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he needs therapy.

[Anonymous]

If all of his friends walked, who will be there to see him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many students are at his current LAC ?

Not a liberal arts college. A mid-sized selective private university. It’s just not a massive public university with large lectures plus likely (more) remote options. I certainly see how the latter would be a lot less stressful and not embarrassing but I don’t know if we should be indulging him. I also don’t even know what the credits would transfer as since he’s technically a senior.

[Anonymous]

A willingness to be embarrassed is actually a pretty important life skill. Without it we tend to stay small.

Perhaps you can frame a conversation around individuals he admires — all the times those people put themselves out there knowing someone would laugh or even say something cruel.

(For the record, I suspect a lot of his friends would admire him *more* for going back. And that admiration would likely grow as time goes on. Since nobody gets out of life without some embarrassment or shame, his example could actually serve as a pretty important reminder for his friends when their turn comes…)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many students are at his current LAC ?

Not a liberal arts college. A mid-sized selective private university. It’s just not a massive public university with large lectures plus likely (more) remote options. I certainly see how the latter would be a lot less stressful and not embarrassing but I don’t know if we should be indulging him. I also don’t even know what the credits would transfer as since he’s technically a senior.

He should not be so self-conscious.

Transferring is not an option unless he wants to spend another 2 years in school.

Dye his hair, grow it long or cut it short to change appearance, wear baseball cap & dark glasses at all times and he should be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of kids took a gap year or semester during Covid and are taking longer to graduate. I know multiple kids who did it during college because they didn't want to deal with remote learning from a solitary dorm room. So I'm sure he will have plenty of company in a 5th year.

This. He is in good company and should see it through.

[Anonymous]

Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the type of thing that can be character building. You learn not to worry about what other people say and think, and do what's needed for your own goals. This is a great way for him to find out who the genuinely kind people are at his school.

+1. Don’t let him suck this OP. He needs to grow up and face this situation head on.

[Anonymous]

He needs to stop being a baby and get over his fragile ego. Do not entertain any talk of transferring. He needs to finish the job he started and the school he's currently almost done with.

[Anonymous]

I actually know someone who, officially, did not graduate from college because he refused to take the required swim class. He went through his entire life telling everyone (including employers) that he graduated and had a BS, and nobody called him on it. Not that I recommend that approach for your son, or anyone. But there are things more embarrassing than having to come back for another year.

[Anonymous]

Be grateful he was honest with you, versus making a million other excuses for being apprehensive. Let him know you appreciate his honesty and encourage him to feel the feelings but push through them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually know someone who, officially, did not graduate from college because he refused to take the required swim class. He went through his entire life telling everyone (including employers) that he graduated and had a BS, and nobody called him on it. Not that I recommend that approach for your son, or anyone. But there are things more embarrassing than having to come back for another year.

Similar situation--except once digital diploma searches became commonplace, he got called out on it.

[Anonymous]

This is an important parenting moment. Put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and tell him you believe in him and that you'll be there for him. You know he can do this.