Son is too embarrassed to return to campus to finish BA as a 5th year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

Huh? First of all op said it’s not a liberal arts college. Second, I went to Wes and can literally remember only two people who took an extra year or semester to graduate. One did a study abroad on his own and the credits didn’t transfer well and the other was editor in chief of the paper and took a super light load in order to manage the workload of putting out the paper.

[Anonymous]

He really needs to work on his anxiety/shame/guilt issue, because that's the sort of thing that will dog his professional and private life forever - he'll be making questionable decisions based on emotion, and not reason.

So you need to present it as such, and say that this is his opportunity to fight his tendency to run and hide whenever he feels shame. He has to hold his head up high and sail through 5th year.

My son's college award is valid for 5 years. They've already taken into account that students may need that extra year, which is very savvy of them, because they also get the extra tuition!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

Huh? First of all op said it’s not a liberal arts college. Second, I went to Wes and can literally remember only two people who took an extra year or semester to graduate. One did a study abroad on his own and the credits didn’t transfer well and the other was editor in chief of the paper and took a super light load in order to manage the workload of putting out the paper.

Except that you guys are feeding the fear. It does not matter how many students take an extra year. What matters is graduating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

Huh? First of all op said it’s not a liberal arts college. Second, I went to Wes and can literally remember only two people who took an extra year or semester to graduate. One did a study abroad on his own and the credits didn’t transfer well and the other was editor in chief of the paper and took a super light load in order to manage the workload of putting out the paper.

Yea, well you obviously didn’t know a lot of your classmates because according to Wes’s own website the four year graduation rate has never even hit 90 percent and typically is closer to 80 percent. So lots and lots of Wes students aren’t graduating in four years.

https://www.wesleyan.edu/ir/graduation-retention.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Worth knowing what caused the shaky grades. Is he in over his head or were his priorities off? to state the obvious if he didn't graduate it means he didn't pass the classes. And not just one or two but enough to have to stay a whole year

If in over his head I might consider letting my kid finish elsewhere but not at a school that will cost more.

if priorities are off he might need a life coach/mentor/therapist to help him get on track. Kids often need to hear tough talk from adults other than their parents.

Not just a class or two this fall, he will have to be on campus for courses the entire academic year. Slacking off, partying, and got in over his head. Doesn’t seem interested in partying anymore. All of his friends moved on and are working big city jobs or off the law and medical school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Worth knowing what caused the shaky grades. Is he in over his head or were his priorities off? to state the obvious if he didn't graduate it means he didn't pass the classes. And not just one or two but enough to have to stay a whole year

If in over his head I might consider letting my kid finish elsewhere but not at a school that will cost more.

if priorities are off he might need a life coach/mentor/therapist to help him get on track. Kids often need to hear tough talk from adults other than their parents.

Not just a class or two this fall, he will have to be on campus for courses the entire academic year. Slacking off, partying, and got in over his head. Doesn’t seem interested in partying anymore. All of his friends moved on and are working big city jobs or off the law and medical school.

OP, really, this is the bottom line: he cannot transfer as a senior, especially with shaky grades. And he cannot go to another school and transfer the grades to where he is now and graduate from his current school. He has two options. One, drop out. Two, go back and finish school this year.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just posted a link to Wesleyan’s four and six year graduation rates. Look for the same for your son’s school. Show them to him. More students take longer to graduate than most people think - or don’t graduate at all - even from the best schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

It’s a selective big city university ex Georgetown, not a liberal arts college. Of course he’ll run into younger students and friends of friends and everyone in his major. But those embarrassing everyone is looking at me feelings will fade, which he doesn’t understand. I want to encourage him to get an off-campus job, as I think that will help him feel more mature, but I don’t want him overwhelmed after prior academic issues.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me at an elite school that I won’t name. It was a credit transfer mix up but I also had shaky grades so it looked like I had failed out. It was embarrassing because the only other people in my grade who didn’t finish were a famous actress and someone who took time off for cancer treatment.

But I stayed for the summer and did my credits. It sucked. I know people talked about me behind my back but I also knew I didn’t have a choice. I felt embarrassed for 5 years or so (when I had to put a fall graduation date in for month and year of graduation in job applications) but I don’t think about it much now.

My parents kept the shaming going much longer than I felt the shame, if that informs OP’s approach. It was not their money being spent, which made it that much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me at an elite school that I won’t name. It was a credit transfer mix up but I also had shaky grades so it looked like I had failed out. It was embarrassing because the only other people in my grade who didn’t finish were a famous actress and someone who took time off for cancer treatment.

But I stayed for the summer and did my credits. It sucked. I know people talked about me behind my back but I also knew I didn’t have a choice. I felt embarrassed for 5 years or so (when I had to put a fall graduation date in for month and year of graduation in job applications) but I don’t think about it much now.

My parents kept the shaming going much longer than I felt the shame, if that informs OP’s approach. It was not their money being spent, which made it that much worse.

The bolded is merely how you perceived it to be. It wasn’t actually the case. Your post is self-centered, irrelevant and definitely not helpful.

[Anonymous]

It is pretty common for it to take 5 or even 6 years to graduate from the large state universities.

He really needs a college degree in todays work force unless he wants to work $15 per hour jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty common for it to take 5 or even 6 years to graduate from the large state universities.

He really needs a college degree in todays work force unless he wants to work $15 per hour jobs.

It’s not a large state university, nitwit. Not helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me at an elite school that I won’t name. It was a credit transfer mix up but I also had shaky grades so it looked like I had failed out. It was embarrassing because the only other people in my grade who didn’t finish were a famous actress and someone who took time off for cancer treatment.

But I stayed for the summer and did my credits. It sucked. I know people talked about me behind my back but I also knew I didn’t have a choice. I felt embarrassed for 5 years or so (when I had to put a fall graduation date in for month and year of graduation in job applications) but I don’t think about it much now.

My parents kept the shaming going much longer than I felt the shame, if that informs OP’s approach. It was not their money being spent, which made it that much worse.

Is this post about high school ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

Huh? First of all op said it’s not a liberal arts college. Second, I went to Wes and can literally remember only two people who took an extra year or semester to graduate. One did a study abroad on his own and the credits didn’t transfer well and the other was editor in chief of the paper and took a super light load in order to manage the workload of putting out the paper.

Yea, well you obviously didn’t know a lot of your classmates because according to Wes’s own website the four year graduation rate has never even hit 90 percent and typically is closer to 80 percent. So lots and lots of Wes students aren’t graduating in four years.

https://www.wesleyan.edu/ir/graduation-retention.html

Can you not read your own link correctly? That's not what this data says. I'm not going to waste my time explaining it.

[Anonymous]

OP, Transferring will involve losing a lot of course credits that won't transfer to the new institution, i.e. he may have to be at the new institution for 2 or 3 years instead of 1 year where he is now.

He would most likely have to transfer to a lesser institution.