Son is too embarrassed to return to campus to finish BA as a 5th year

[Anonymous]

This is so dumb. Anyone who cares already graduated.

[Anonymous]

The embarrassment will be mostly in his head. He need to own it and move in. No other option will be better in the long run.
I know if a number of people who had a fifth year, mostly due to switching majors.
Honestly, if this is the worst problem he has had throughout his college in early adult years, he is lucky.

[Anonymous]

Transferring would be a disaster. Each university has different requirements for each degree. Transferring could easily add another 2 or 3 semesters!

Honestly, I don't understand how people would even know. He says his friends graduated, so who is left? Is he living on campus? I can see that being awkward if he's roomed with freshmen as most upperclassmen live off campus at most universities. But seriously, how does this even come up in conversation?

Person: Hi, I'm John. I'm a Junior. I'm studying Econ. What about you?
Your son: I'm Brad. I'm a senior studying English Lit. Great to meet you.

The next part of that interaction is never going to be...
Person: A senior? Nice. A traditional senior or a super senior?

Never. He cares more about this in his head than anyone else in person.

Shoot, I know some May grads who would kill to be back living the sweet college life right now instead of busting their butts at lame, menial jobs just to have money due to their promised post-graduation job offers being rescinded. My nephew is one such kid. He had a great offer from a tech company - one he'd interned with for 2 summers - and it was rescinded about 2 weeks from graduation. Not due to anything he did, but budget cuts and layoffs within the company. He found another job in late June but it was with a startup and upon starting, he realized they were struggling a lot. His second paycheck bounced so he bounced as well, ha. He's been working as a waiter and at a coding camp this summer. He's also doing freelance jobs for smaller local companies while interviewing for fulltime work. The only thing saving him is the fact that he's living at home with his parents so he doesn't have to pay rent and he's still covered by their insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

Huh? First of all op said it’s not a liberal arts college. Second, I went to Wes and can literally remember only two people who took an extra year or semester to graduate. One did a study abroad on his own and the credits didn’t transfer well and the other was editor in chief of the paper and took a super light load in order to manage the workload of putting out the paper.

Yea, well you obviously didn’t know a lot of your classmates because according to Wes’s own website the four year graduation rate has never even hit 90 percent and typically is closer to 80 percent. So lots and lots of Wes students aren’t graduating in four years.

https://www.wesleyan.edu/ir/graduation-retention.html

Can you not read your own link correctly? That's not what this data says. I'm not going to waste my time explaining it.

The long term 4 year graduation rate is around 85% and has been much closer to 80% recently. The reality is much closer to the PP than the "two people" poster above.

Right, there was a two or three year a dip in the four year graduation rate because of Covid. But the six year graduation rate stayed steady. The broader point is that no matter how you slice it in any given year more than one in 10 Wesleyan students did not graduate in four years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

Huh? First of all op said it’s not a liberal arts college. Second, I went to Wes and can literally remember only two people who took an extra year or semester to graduate. One did a study abroad on his own and the credits didn’t transfer well and the other was editor in chief of the paper and took a super light load in order to manage the workload of putting out the paper.

Yea, well you obviously didn’t know a lot of your classmates because according to Wes’s own website the four year graduation rate has never even hit 90 percent and typically is closer to 80 percent. So lots and lots of Wes students aren’t graduating in four years.

https://www.wesleyan.edu/ir/graduation-retention.html

Can you not read your own link correctly? That's not what this data says. I'm not going to waste my time explaining it.

The long term 4 year graduation rate is around 85% and has been much closer to 80% recently. The reality is much closer to the PP than the "two people" poster above.

Right, there was a two or three year a dip in the four year graduation rate because of Covid. But the six year graduation rate stayed steady. The broader point is that no matter how you slice it in any given year more than one in 10 Wesleyan students did not graduate in four years.

Most of those transfers out and drop outs? Doesn’t mean they are all super or super super seniors back on campus for a fifth or sixth year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me at an elite school that I won’t name. It was a credit transfer mix up but I also had shaky grades so it looked like I had failed out. It was embarrassing because the only other people in my grade who didn’t finish were a famous actress and someone who took time off for cancer treatment.

But I stayed for the summer and did my credits. It sucked. I know people talked about me behind my back but I also knew I didn’t have a choice. I felt embarrassed for 5 years or so (when I had to put a fall graduation date in for month and year of graduation in job applications) but I don’t think about it much now.

My parents kept the shaming going much longer than I felt the shame, if that informs OP’s approach. It was not their money being spent, which made it that much worse.

The bolded is merely how you perceived it to be. It wasn’t actually the case. Your post is self-centered, irrelevant and definitely not helpful.

I worked in the office responsible for issuing diplomas as a work-study job. I assure you it was true and I’m not sure why you would try to negate someone’s actual experience at a relatively small university where not graduating on time pre-Covid was exceptionally rare. My hope is that my extreme case reassures OP that the most self-conscious and obvious non-graduate can survive.

[Anonymous]

Lemons into lemonade:

Hi, I’m Mike, a freshman.
Hi, I’m Joe, a senior. Glad to meet you. I just did a 2-to-5 stretch for aggravated assault. Mind if I help myself to one of your granola bars?

[Anonymous]

My kid is doing a 6th year. I wish he felt a little embarrassed. He's so lackadaisical about it and feels zero pressure. I really don't care, except for the financial aspect of it. He's going to have an extra 2 years of student loans!

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t he be more embarrassed to not have a college degree at all?
He needs to be told no one cares about what year he is at, they are all just thinking about themselves. Many people take different paths and finish in five years for a variety of reasons. Move on, do the work and have a nice last year. Tell him to enjoy it, before he knows it he will be working full time or applying to grad schools.
No one cares but him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shaky grades delayed his graduation. He was already deeply embarrassed when he couldn’t walk with all of his friends last spring. Now embarrassment has returned as he fears returning to campus. He feels old and thinks classmates will mock him behind his back and ask a million questions. This is a private university with an excellent graduation rate, so I empathize with him and know it is not possible to slide under the radar.

Trying to encourage him this will fade and the year will go by fast. But now he mentions wanting to transfer and graduate from somewhere else, anywhere else, to avoid this. Is that something we should entertain? Of course we worry about his mental health and success, but I don’t know if we should allow him to use our money to run away from a briefly embarrassing situation he created.

I doubt any people will remember or care that he was there before if his friends have all left. He is a senior and why would people ask any questions about that? You and he are thinking others care more than they do. He should focus on the classes and finish next spring. Maybe he gets some therapy too to deal with this unhealthy mental pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wesleyan University ? If so, he'll be fine.

Huh? First of all op said it’s not a liberal arts college. Second, I went to Wes and can literally remember only two people who took an extra year or semester to graduate. One did a study abroad on his own and the credits didn’t transfer well and the other was editor in chief of the paper and took a super light load in order to manage the workload of putting out the paper.

Yea, well you obviously didn’t know a lot of your classmates because according to Wes’s own website the four year graduation rate has never even hit 90 percent and typically is closer to 80 percent. So lots and lots of Wes students aren’t graduating in four years.

https://www.wesleyan.edu/ir/graduation-retention.html

Can you not read your own link correctly? That's not what this data says. I'm not going to waste my time explaining it.

The long term 4 year graduation rate is around 85% and has been much closer to 80% recently. The reality is much closer to the PP than the "two people" poster above.

Right, there was a two or three year a dip in the four year graduation rate because of Covid. But the six year graduation rate stayed steady. The broader point is that no matter how you slice it in any given year more than one in 10 Wesleyan students did not graduate in four years.

Most of those transfers out and drop outs? Doesn’t mean they are all super or super super seniors back on campus for a fifth or sixth year.

Look, it’s not that hard to do the math. The school (all schools) publish the first year retention rates, the four year graduation rates, and the six year graduation rates. Wes’s first year retention rate is typically around 95 percent. So that means 5 percent either drop out or transfer after year one. The four year graduation rate is 85 percent, which can only mean that of the 95 percent who come back after the first year, they don’t all graduate on time. I suppose more drop out and / or transfer, but the number is likely smaller. And Wesleyan (again like all other schools) also publishes a six year graduation rate, and it’s higher than the four year, which can only mean that there are a good number of students - certainly more than two - who, yes, do hang around.

[Anonymous]

He is lucky you agreed for him to return. I would not pay for that. He could do summer school but choose not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me at an elite school that I won’t name. It was a credit transfer mix up but I also had shaky grades so it looked like I had failed out. It was embarrassing because the only other people in my grade who didn’t finish were a famous actress and someone who took time off for cancer treatment.

But I stayed for the summer and did my credits. It sucked. I know people talked about me behind my back but I also knew I didn’t have a choice. I felt embarrassed for 5 years or so (when I had to put a fall graduation date in for month and year of graduation in job applications) but I don’t think about it much now.

My parents kept the shaming going much longer than I felt the shame, if that informs OP’s approach. It was not their money being spent, which made it that much worse.

The bolded is merely how you perceived it to be. It wasn’t actually the case. Your post is self-centered, irrelevant and definitely not helpful.

I worked in the office responsible for issuing diplomas as a work-study job. I assure you it was true and I’m not sure why you would try to negate someone’s actual experience at a relatively small university where not graduating on time pre-Covid was exceptionally rare. My hope is that my extreme case reassures OP that the most self-conscious and obvious non-graduate can survive.

Name the school. There’s isn’t a single “elite” college in the USA where in and year in a least the last few decades that every entering first year except three graduated in four years. Your claim is easily verifiable. Just make the school already.

[Anonymous]

I can think of at least 4 people I knew in my class who took more than four years to graduate from my Ivy. No one cared a whit. Everyone understands that things happen. Mono, death in family, mental health issues, financial issues, changes in majors, not being able to get into classes because of study abroad (almost happened to my kid, but kind professor let him in after begging, allowing my son to stay on sequence in his science classes so he could also study abroad).

I think this is time for some tough love where you tell your kid to grow up, and take his lumps. No one is thinking about him, and if they are, it is fleeting.

[Anonymous]

The embarrassment in this thread is the poster arguing that Wesleyan is elite and the grad rate numbers are wrong.