Unpopular truth: If you don't maintain your value, your successful DH will move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father is a retired big law partner, and when my moms parents, who lived nearby, were dying, he was there with her, and my grandparents, who loved him, as much as he could be. Your friends husband sounds like a d*ck.

OP here. I should have known that DCUM would twist what I said into a slam on my friend. I feel for her and think he's a jerk. But that doesn't put food on the table nor does it keep her in the house.

That's the key phrase: "as much as he could be". But what if, like my friend, the wife demands more than what the DH can give. Law partners have deals to get done or need to take a case to trial; doctors have research to conduct and patients to treat.

You can't say "sorry your Honor, my wife is having trouble dealing with her Dad passing away over six months ago so I can't take the case to trial and I need a continuance". Or "sorry Stage IV Cancer patient, my wife spent the morning crying so I wasn't able to design your drug regimen yet". We like to talk in ideals, but the world is complicated. That's what I was trying to explain to my friend, because holding her husband to her standard of what her husband SHOULD be, when he brings in so much money. Why push him to the point where he wants to take away your health insurance, your time with the kids, your ability to live in your beautiful house? Why?

Just admit you're the aggrieved spouse and not a "friend" already. Now the husband is looking at giving his wife half of all that hard earned money money money he cares so much about. Oh well!

[Anonymous]

Glad you aren't my "friend", yikes.

[Anonymous]

My value is not dependent on my spouse's opinion of me.

Any moving on is an issue inside the cheating spouse, and not a reflection of maintaining value.

[Anonymous]

You're a troll, I hope.

[Anonymous]

OP, is the “fun” new woman you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You gave shitty advice. No need to justify him being a DB.

As a spouse your spouses health and mental needs take priority over your career. When you get married or are in a committed long term relationship you make two commitments one to the person and one to the relationship.

+1 "to have and to hold, in sickness and in health (including mental)".

You should get together with her douchebag of a husband.

FWIW, when my DH's father died, I was there for him.

Her husband wanted someone to deal with shlt at home so he didn't have to. She had emotional/mental issues to deal with, and probably needed to lean on him. He said, "Nope, not what I signed up for".

What a f*n douchebag.

Having stated, this is why I never would advise for a woman to be a permanent sahm. You are disposable after a certain point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a few stepmoms, someone needs to warn the new girlfriend that she’s even more disposable than wife #1.

+1 million he’ll move on as soon as she starts having any problems too. Best she can hope for is tying him down with child support if they have an “oops baby.” He sounds like a jerk. Best of luck to everyone involved!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the wife thought she married an emotional partner, and not just a money making machine. She will be better off divorced.

If the dh can only do his job and offer no emotional support for the rest of his life, the only way a relationship will work is if a woman is using him for money and lifestyle only.

[Anonymous]

A man who marries his mistress creates a job vacancy OP. You can’t say you haven’t been shown the kind of man this dude is.

She’ll still have the house and the kids and the insurance if he’s as keen as you say on keeping up the idea it was mutual. Not to worry.

[Anonymous]

I really hope this is not the urbanbaby troll popping up on dcum and that Jeff has a way to id and ban these types. The urban baby troll was a huge bummer

[Anonymous]

Who are you? Other than a horrible person/friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man who marries his mistress creates a job vacancy OP. You can’t say you haven’t been shown the kind of man this dude is.

She’ll still have the house and the kids and the insurance if he’s as keen as you say on keeping up the idea it was mutual. Not to worry.

Nope. Selling the house next year. Custody is 50-50, though I imagine my friend will wind up more at 65-35 given his work conferences and other obligations. He most certainly can drop her from his insurance and make her get Obamacare or whatever dinky insurance her eventual employer provides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father is a retired big law partner, and when my moms parents, who lived nearby, were dying, he was there with her, and my grandparents, who loved him, as much as he could be. Your friends husband sounds like a d*ck.

OP here. I should have known that DCUM would twist what I said into a slam on my friend. I feel for her and think he's a jerk. But that doesn't put food on the table nor does it keep her in the house.

That's the key phrase: "as much as he could be". But what if, like my friend, the wife demands more than what the DH can give. Law partners have deals to get done or need to take a case to trial; doctors have research to conduct and patients to treat.

You can't say "sorry your Honor, my wife is having trouble dealing with her Dad passing away over six months ago so I can't take the case to trial and I need a continuance". Or "sorry Stage IV Cancer patient, my wife spent the morning crying so I wasn't able to design your drug regimen yet". We like to talk in ideals, but the world is complicated. That's what I was trying to explain to my friend, because holding her husband to her standard of what her husband SHOULD be, when he brings in so much money. Why push him to the point where he wants to take away your health insurance, your time with the kids, your ability to live in your beautiful house? Why?

So rich guys get a pass on being dicks? No one is too important to be a decent person. He made promises to her; was he clear that they were lies and that he would only love her as long as she was happy and carefree and demanded nothing. A rich husband who has no time for your pain is a crap husband. All he had to offer her was money, but it doesn't sound like it was a good deal for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man who marries his mistress creates a job vacancy OP. You can’t say you haven’t been shown the kind of man this dude is.

She’ll still have the house and the kids and the insurance if he’s as keen as you say on keeping up the idea it was mutual. Not to worry.

Nope. Selling the house next year. Custody is 50-50, though I imagine my friend will wind up more at 65-35 given his work conferences and other obligations. He most certainly can drop her from his insurance and make her get Obamacare or whatever dinky insurance her eventual employer provides.

Make no mistake, you are not a her friend.

[Anonymous]

Did the husband move on with you, OP? You don't sound like much of a friend tbh.