Unpopular truth: If you don't maintain your value, your successful DH will move on

[Anonymous]

My friend's husband just told her a few weeks ago that they're separating and divorcing. They had been in couples therapy for a few weeks but now he's done. She had been a drag the last year and the spark died. She's a "feeling" person so when her Dad passed away and she dealt with her Mom, she looked to her husband for support. I warned her that he's really successful and busy and for her lifestyle she has to figure out how to manage without burdening him. She said he had told her that he just didn't have the bandwidth for this, particularly as she has a therapist and meds plus plenty of time as a SAHM to deal with those things.

Unfortunately she didn't listen to me and he started looking around. Turns out the husband met someone else he feels is a better fit for his lifestyle, and if it proceeds would be a fun stepmom for their two boys. Now my friend is trying to grind through each day while DH has moved on. I really want to tell my friend that for her own good she shouldn't play the victim, don't go bashing him and go along with telling people that it was mutual. Take the high road. You can love your husband and love your kids, but ultimately you need to maintain your worth and not go draining people if you want to maintain your lifestyle. How do I explain that to her, give her the tough love, without just damaging her more?

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a selfish jerk who didn't support his wife through a tough time. She's better off without this "low-value" man.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't sound like much of a prize.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a “partnership” she is better off without.

[Anonymous]

As someone with a few stepmoms, someone needs to warn the new girlfriend that she’s even more disposable than wife #1.

[Anonymous]

You gave shitty advice. No need to justify him being a DB.

As a spouse your spouses health and mental needs take priority over your career. When you get married or are in a committed long term relationship you make two commitments one to the person and one to the relationship.

[Anonymous]

You sound like the person the husband met. Otherwise the husband sounds like a jerk. If he didn’t have the bandwidth to be there to support his wife when she lost a parent, he’s not much of a loss.

[Anonymous]

Does no one take their wedding vows seriously anymore? The guy sounds like an AH, she’s better off without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a few stepmoms, someone needs to warn the new girlfriend that she’s even more disposable than wife #1.

Yep. Let her know that she better not expect anything except money from her husband because he's too busy and successful, and doesn't have the bandwidth to be an actual partner.

[Anonymous]

Man, I hope you’re trolling us, op.

[Anonymous]

You sound like an absolutely terrible friend.

"My friend's father died, and when she wanted her husband's emotional support, he said he couldn't handle it because she has meds and a therapist. I agree with him! She should tell people that it was a mutual decision for him to move on to a more fun wife because it would be a drain on people if she was honest."

Are you the "fun new wife"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like the person the husband met. Otherwise the husband sounds like a jerk. If he didn’t have the bandwidth to be there to support his wife when she lost a parent, he’s not much of a loss.

+1
The idea that expecting support from your spouse lowers your "value" is so alien to my idea of what marriage means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, I hope you’re trolling us, op.

+1

[Anonymous]

This is entirely possible.

On the other hand, even if the writer isn't making this up, it's a filtered version of the wife's perspective, so who knows what the truth is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone with a few stepmoms, someone needs to warn the new girlfriend that she’s even more disposable than wife #1.

x10000000

I thought everyone knew this?