Wife behaves like a child during arguments and throws things. Call the cops?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cut your wife loose before you have children. You can find someone who doesn't behave this way. This behavior would be very harmful to children. You don't want this for your future family. You deserve better.

This. Even if she doesn’t act this way toward kids, witnessing violence is detrimental. Do not have a whoops baby with this woman! No more sex with her and make sure people know you are not having sex with her so you don’t become a presumptive father.

This. Do you own the house, or renting?

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP. I haven't read the posts so don't know if you added more, but I don't think it matters -- what you are describing is domestic violence, against you. It's not your fault; please take care of yourself and get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP. I haven't read the posts so don't know if you added more, but I don't think it matters -- what you are describing is domestic violence, against you. It's not your fault; please take care of yourself and get out.

On the other hand -- if the OP is trying to figure out what would happen if HE were the perpetrator and accused his wife of throwing things, that is not okay.

And OP, if you truly are the victim (and I think what is making us wonder is your "set her straight" business), I am so sorry that anyone is doubting you and urge you to get out now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Document it with video. Install cameras around your home?

This is the right answer. And don't call the police after you have the first instance recorded. Record several. You're right about needing airtight evidence that you are the victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t trying to “protect yourself” you’re trying to punish her. If you need protection, pursue leaving her. If you don’t, stop trying to punish her like a parent.

Have you ever had multiple pound objects come flying at your face and body?

Domestic violence doesn't have to be direct corporal harm either. The act of throwing object alone is DV. It's protection against DV by wanting to call the cops.

I guess that we are all projecting, but I don’t imagine these are multiple pound objects being thrown at his face. What do most people even have in their homes that is multiple pounds? Furniture? I was imagining the stuff that you might have in your bedroom when you fight: pillows, clothes, maybe shoes, maybe a cell phone.

What are you imagining?

[Anonymous]

I’m imagine a troll posting zany Reddit scenarios and the same ending hypothetical questions every hour, over and over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You're correct; it is unacceptable. You swiftly got the usual kind of post here asking "What did you do?" because many posters here like to pretend that for "fairness" they need to assign immediate blame to any OP who describes a spouse doing anything like this -- especially if the OP is a man talking about his wife's behavior. But even if you "did something," throwing things is out of all bounds. Even if you were terrible, throwing things is not the response of any reasonable person unless she's throwing stuff AT you because you're physically attacking her. Figuring that that's not the case:

Do you leave the room instantly when she throws the first object or even grabs something and raises it as if about to throw it? That's what you need to do. No trying to talk her down or whatever. She grabs, she raises, you go out the door, and fast. You can say ONE time, the next time this starts: "I get that you're angry and I acknowlege that, but if you throw or attempt to throw anything, I will leave the house immediately." Then do it. Walk out. "I'm leaving and will be back later, to give you time to calm down." As you are exiting. I would actually drive to somewhere nearby and not come back for at least an hour. NOT to punish her, OP, but to put space between you so she can cool down.

That's the temporary measure, though. If you want to stay in the marriage and you care for the person she is when she's not this kind of angry: You should be asking yourself, is she mentally OK? The answer seems to be "No." Can she have ANY sort of conversation that is not a disagreement? Have you ever sat down with her while she was calm, not when she's just had a tantrum!, and said, "I'm concerned about you and about the reactions that anger produces. Being angry is one thing, we all get angry. But when you throw things, I feel under attack and it's not acceptable for adults to throw things. It makes me worried for your health. I am not talking now about any of the stuff we've argued about, at all; I am talking about only the reaction of throwing things when we do argue. What do you think we need to do so you don't get to the point of throwing things?"

Any chance she's acting out reactions she witnessed one of her own parents using?
Does she work, and if so, does she have anger issues re: work and she bottles them up so any trigger at home turns into misplaced, redirected rage?
Do YOU continue to argue once she shows signs of being unable to talk but shows signs she's getting this kind of angry? (If you do: Stop it.)
Why do you disagree so much? Sounds like this is pretty frequent--yes?
What is she like when she's not like this? Is this a Jekyll-and-Hyde thing where she's fine all the time, until suddenly--?
Do specific topics cause these kinds of outbursts? Have there been things between you like infidelity or other major stresses and you're not seeing how badly they affect her, and bring them up sometimes? (Again-- that would not excuse her throwing things, even if you are wrongly provoking her. But if you are: Stop it. And get marriage therapy as fast as you can.)

OP wants the cops to put his wife in time out. He’s either a troll or an idiot.

Troll poster.

Do you mean the OP? Because he’s the one describing his wife as childish and wanting her to go to prison to be “set straight”.

Victims of domestic violence tend to want their spouse to be in jail because it means they are safer, not to correct their behavior.

Yes Op and the first few rapid posts thereafter are all OP the Troll.
He does a lot of these daily. Then sock puppets away at them.
Such a waste of time. Such an obvious pattern and style too. And there’s a constant element of total illogic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Document it with video. Install cameras around your home?

This is the right answer. And don't call the police after you have the first instance recorded. Record several. You're right about needing airtight evidence that you are the victim.

Or just leave.

These two are trapped in a drama cycle and OP knows he can trigger his wife into rage spirals and so installing cameras is immature at best, entrapment at worst.

Definitely not a living relationship on any level.

[Anonymous]

—agree with above. Sad. Trying to gather anything when you are fighting is stupid.

[Anonymous]

What is stopping you from exiting? Seek physical distance immediately.

[Anonymous]

Yes call them!!

[Anonymous]

Separate, file for divorce. Life is too short for this BS.

[Anonymous]

Aren’t there cop shows still around about this?
Maybe you’ll invite even more drama to the home. Great planning!

[Anonymous]

OP may not think he is in danger, but he is. When I was in college my GF and I got into an argument about me going out. She threw up cup at me that opened a gash just below my eye. But the cup could have easily hit my eye causing all kinds of damage.


I was much bigger and stronger than her, but I didn't react to the thrown cup in time. Women can hurt men if they use weapons and have surprise on their side.

Unless she's throwing pillows, or other soft objects, his being bigger and stronger than her is no guarantee of not getting hurt. Anyway, who wants to walk around on guard for thrown objects in their own home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like you think you are in any immediate danger.

If I am reading that wrong, and you do believe you are in danger, you should leave your abusive spouse and go stay with friends or in a hotel while you file for divorce.

If you do not believe you are in danger don’t call the police, because their job isn’t to get revenge on your spouse for you, and as you correctly note, there is a solid chance you will be arrested (some localities require the arrest of both parties, and remember by the time the police arrive it is your word against hers and she may have been throwing something because she was in mortal fear of her life…). Initiate divorce proceedings against your abusive spouse.

Throwing inanimate objects is domestic violence. Why are we so accepting of DV when a woman does it?

We aren’t.
If a woman is doing this to someone who is physically smaller than she is with less power, then it’s not acceptable. No one thinks this would be okay if OP’s wife was throwing things at her child, or at a grandparent who lives with them.
It’s not that this is a woman. It’s that OP didn’t get hurt and isn’t the weaker person in this situation.

Male victims of domestic violence at the hands of female partners are at a significant disadvantage because of social stigma (such as your post’s erroneous claim that a larger person can’t be abused by a smaller person) and fear of doing anything to defend themselves that might be misconstrued as their being the violent one. Domestic abusers don’t just physically intimidate their partners; they play mind games with their partners to gain the upper hand.

OP, as a male, you were raised to believe that you can’t ever get violent with a female, but you probably were never taught what to do if a female got violent with you. Treat this situation seriously. It doesn’t matter that you’re physically stronger. Abuse frequently escalates and an unstable, violent woman can be extremely dangerous. You need to come up with an exit strategy. Work with a therapist if you need to.

In the meantime, document all acts of violence. Memorialize the date, time and location, what the argument was about if there was one, what made her upset, what was said (especially anything threatening), how physical things got, what was thrown, the resulting damage, and any injuries either of you sustained. Take photos of property damage and your injuries, if you have any.

Don’t even think about salvaging this relationship unless she undergoes treatment for anger management and makes real progress.