Wife behaves like a child during arguments and throws things. Call the cops?

[Anonymous]

Cut your wife loose before you have children. You can find someone who doesn't behave this way. This behavior would be very harmful to children. You don't want this for your future family. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t trying to “protect yourself” you’re trying to punish her. If you need protection, pursue leaving her. If you don’t, stop trying to punish her like a parent.

Or just leave the situation and give your wife space to calm down.

Pursue therapy for both of you individually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t trying to “protect yourself” you’re trying to punish her. If you need protection, pursue leaving her. If you don’t, stop trying to punish her like a parent.

Have you ever had multiple pound objects come flying at your face and body?

Domestic violence doesn't have to be direct corporal harm either. The act of throwing object alone is DV. It's protection against DV by wanting to call the cops.

[Anonymous]

The first time someone threw an object at me, I might give them a pass, depending on the circumstances. The second time, I would be gone. Why are you still with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No kids then just leave ! File for separation and divorce. If you need the cops to fix your spouse you do not need that spouse.

+1 Anigt in jail will not “set her straight.” But divorcing will set your own life straight. Why in the world would you stay? If you had kids you’d be stuck trying to protect them but without kids - leave!

Or at least separate - that’s really the only thing that might get her to reflect on her behavior and get help.

[Anonymous]

It will progress to her grabbing a knife or a gun. You’re being abused. Leave her and don’t look back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You're correct; it is unacceptable. You swiftly got the usual kind of post here asking "What did you do?" because many posters here like to pretend that for "fairness" they need to assign immediate blame to any OP who describes a spouse doing anything like this -- especially if the OP is a man talking about his wife's behavior. But even if you "did something," throwing things is out of all bounds. Even if you were terrible, throwing things is not the response of any reasonable person unless she's throwing stuff AT you because you're physically attacking her. Figuring that that's not the case:

Do you leave the room instantly when she throws the first object or even grabs something and raises it as if about to throw it? That's what you need to do. No trying to talk her down or whatever. She grabs, she raises, you go out the door, and fast. You can say ONE time, the next time this starts: "I get that you're angry and I acknowlege that, but if you throw or attempt to throw anything, I will leave the house immediately." Then do it. Walk out. "I'm leaving and will be back later, to give you time to calm down." As you are exiting. I would actually drive to somewhere nearby and not come back for at least an hour. NOT to punish her, OP, but to put space between you so she can cool down.

That's the temporary measure, though. If you want to stay in the marriage and you care for the person she is when she's not this kind of angry: You should be asking yourself, is she mentally OK? The answer seems to be "No." Can she have ANY sort of conversation that is not a disagreement? Have you ever sat down with her while she was calm, not when she's just had a tantrum!, and said, "I'm concerned about you and about the reactions that anger produces. Being angry is one thing, we all get angry. But when you throw things, I feel under attack and it's not acceptable for adults to throw things. It makes me worried for your health. I am not talking now about any of the stuff we've argued about, at all; I am talking about only the reaction of throwing things when we do argue. What do you think we need to do so you don't get to the point of throwing things?"

Any chance she's acting out reactions she witnessed one of her own parents using?
Does she work, and if so, does she have anger issues re: work and she bottles them up so any trigger at home turns into misplaced, redirected rage?
Do YOU continue to argue once she shows signs of being unable to talk but shows signs she's getting this kind of angry? (If you do: Stop it.)
Why do you disagree so much? Sounds like this is pretty frequent--yes?
What is she like when she's not like this? Is this a Jekyll-and-Hyde thing where she's fine all the time, until suddenly--?
Do specific topics cause these kinds of outbursts? Have there been things between you like infidelity or other major stresses and you're not seeing how badly they affect her, and bring them up sometimes? (Again-- that would not excuse her throwing things, even if you are wrongly provoking her. But if you are: Stop it. And get marriage therapy as fast as you can.)

OP wants the cops to put his wife in time out. He’s either a troll or an idiot.

Troll poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like you are trying to protect yourself or like you are frightened that she is going to hurt you.

It sounds like you are trying to use the law to control her and “set her straight.”

I’m having trouble seeing you as some big victim here, man. Sorry.

And yes. I would say the same thing to a woman who made similar statements about someone physically smaller and weaker than she was. Like an elderly parent/grandparent.

Agree 100%. There are many subtle red flags in OP’s post.

Red troll flag nonsense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t trying to “protect yourself” you’re trying to punish her. If you need protection, pursue leaving her. If you don’t, stop trying to punish her like a parent.

Have you ever had multiple pound objects come flying at your face and body?

Domestic violence doesn't have to be direct corporal harm either. The act of throwing object alone is DV. It's protection against DV by wanting to call the cops.

Just leave. Unless she has you trapped in some way you haven’t said. Find a new place and leave. Divide the assets and be done.

[Anonymous]

You are both wrong and both have poor problem-solving skills. She yells and throws things. You think the way to solve a marital problem is to have your wife arrested to teach her a lesson.

Get divorced. Get therapy. Mature a bit.

[Anonymous]

troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You're correct; it is unacceptable. You swiftly got the usual kind of post here asking "What did you do?" because many posters here like to pretend that for "fairness" they need to assign immediate blame to any OP who describes a spouse doing anything like this -- especially if the OP is a man talking about his wife's behavior. But even if you "did something," throwing things is out of all bounds. Even if you were terrible, throwing things is not the response of any reasonable person unless she's throwing stuff AT you because you're physically attacking her. Figuring that that's not the case:

Do you leave the room instantly when she throws the first object or even grabs something and raises it as if about to throw it? That's what you need to do. No trying to talk her down or whatever. She grabs, she raises, you go out the door, and fast. You can say ONE time, the next time this starts: "I get that you're angry and I acknowlege that, but if you throw or attempt to throw anything, I will leave the house immediately." Then do it. Walk out. "I'm leaving and will be back later, to give you time to calm down." As you are exiting. I would actually drive to somewhere nearby and not come back for at least an hour. NOT to punish her, OP, but to put space between you so she can cool down.

That's the temporary measure, though. If you want to stay in the marriage and you care for the person she is when she's not this kind of angry: You should be asking yourself, is she mentally OK? The answer seems to be "No." Can she have ANY sort of conversation that is not a disagreement? Have you ever sat down with her while she was calm, not when she's just had a tantrum!, and said, "I'm concerned about you and about the reactions that anger produces. Being angry is one thing, we all get angry. But when you throw things, I feel under attack and it's not acceptable for adults to throw things. It makes me worried for your health. I am not talking now about any of the stuff we've argued about, at all; I am talking about only the reaction of throwing things when we do argue. What do you think we need to do so you don't get to the point of throwing things?"

Any chance she's acting out reactions she witnessed one of her own parents using?
Does she work, and if so, does she have anger issues re: work and she bottles them up so any trigger at home turns into misplaced, redirected rage?
Do YOU continue to argue once she shows signs of being unable to talk but shows signs she's getting this kind of angry? (If you do: Stop it.)
Why do you disagree so much? Sounds like this is pretty frequent--yes?
What is she like when she's not like this? Is this a Jekyll-and-Hyde thing where she's fine all the time, until suddenly--?
Do specific topics cause these kinds of outbursts? Have there been things between you like infidelity or other major stresses and you're not seeing how badly they affect her, and bring them up sometimes? (Again-- that would not excuse her throwing things, even if you are wrongly provoking her. But if you are: Stop it. And get marriage therapy as fast as you can.)

OP wants the cops to put his wife in time out. He’s either a troll or an idiot.

Troll poster.

Do you mean the OP? Because he’s the one describing his wife as childish and wanting her to go to prison to be “set straight”.

Victims of domestic violence tend to want their spouse to be in jail because it means they are safer, not to correct their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You aren’t trying to “protect yourself” you’re trying to punish her. If you need protection, pursue leaving her. If you don’t, stop trying to punish her like a parent.

Have you ever had multiple pound objects come flying at your face and body?

Domestic violence doesn't have to be direct corporal harm either. The act of throwing object alone is DV. It's protection against DV by wanting to call the cops.

It doesn’t rise to the level of involving because OP is free and able to leave the situation. And is able to safely exit the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Document it with video. Install cameras around your home?

This. But no sound if in MD.

I wish I had recorded my XH’s tantrums and abuse. A family court judge chose to believe him over both me and a police officer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut your wife loose before you have children. You can find someone who doesn't behave this way. This behavior would be very harmful to children. You don't want this for your future family. You deserve better.

This. Even if she doesn’t act this way toward kids, witnessing violence is detrimental. Do not have a whoops baby with this woman! No more sex with her and make sure people know you are not having sex with her so you don’t become a presumptive father.