Wife behaves like a child during arguments and throws things. Call the cops?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Documentation will get you the best settlement.

A police report will help you as they will record the incident and take your account down on record.

So he should stay in his “abusive” marriage to create sufficient documentation to try to “win” at divorce?

Remember they also take her account.

He can leave right now, this minute, today.

[Anonymous]

This account sounds one-sided. The fact that the OP wants to film things instead of any other verb sounds like he is very juvenile too. He anticipates needing back up to his next argument with his chosen life partner. That’s odd.

They both should try to develop life skills, likely alone for some years.

[Anonymous]

They probably married young. Or are young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You're correct; it is unacceptable. You swiftly got the usual kind of post here asking "What did you do?" because many posters here like to pretend that for "fairness" they need to assign immediate blame to any OP who describes a spouse doing anything like this -- especially if the OP is a man talking about his wife's behavior. But even if you "did something," throwing things is out of all bounds. Even if you were terrible, throwing things is not the response of any reasonable person unless she's throwing stuff AT you because you're physically attacking her. Figuring that that's not the case:

Do you leave the room instantly when she throws the first object or even grabs something and raises it as if about to throw it? That's what you need to do. No trying to talk her down or whatever. She grabs, she raises, you go out the door, and fast. You can say ONE time, the next time this starts: "I get that you're angry and I acknowlege that, but if you throw or attempt to throw anything, I will leave the house immediately." Then do it. Walk out. "I'm leaving and will be back later, to give you time to calm down." As you are exiting. I would actually drive to somewhere nearby and not come back for at least an hour. NOT to punish her, OP, but to put space between you so she can cool down.

That's the temporary measure, though. If you want to stay in the marriage and you care for the person she is when she's not this kind of angry: You should be asking yourself, is she mentally OK? The answer seems to be "No." Can she have ANY sort of conversation that is not a disagreement? Have you ever sat down with her while she was calm, not when she's just had a tantrum!, and said, "I'm concerned about you and about the reactions that anger produces. Being angry is one thing, we all get angry. But when you throw things, I feel under attack and it's not acceptable for adults to throw things. It makes me worried for your health. I am not talking now about any of the stuff we've argued about, at all; I am talking about only the reaction of throwing things when we do argue. What do you think we need to do so you don't get to the point of throwing things?"

Any chance she's acting out reactions she witnessed one of her own parents using?
Does she work, and if so, does she have anger issues re: work and she bottles them up so any trigger at home turns into misplaced, redirected rage?
Do YOU continue to argue once she shows signs of being unable to talk but shows signs she's getting this kind of angry? (If you do: Stop it.)
Why do you disagree so much? Sounds like this is pretty frequent--yes?
What is she like when she's not like this? Is this a Jekyll-and-Hyde thing where she's fine all the time, until suddenly--?
Do specific topics cause these kinds of outbursts? Have there been things between you like infidelity or other major stresses and you're not seeing how badly they affect her, and bring them up sometimes? (Again-- that would not excuse her throwing things, even if you are wrongly provoking her. But if you are: Stop it. And get marriage therapy as fast as you can.)

This narrative makes it sound like the lady is throwing things at a spouse who is just minding his own business. It also suggests OP is a calm talker and can sift through emotions and issues with his wife. It’s absurd really.
Hyde is not appearing randomly to engage with po-po caller.

[Anonymous]

Oops sorry. I rescind!

[Anonymous]

I meant OP’s narrative is one sided. Not the excerpt, which explores provocation behavior.

[Anonymous]

bipolar.

[Anonymous]

OP, Did you call the police to handle it yet? What did her face look like?! Did she cower? want to hear it.

[Anonymous]

It would be worth the look on her face. She doesn’t expect you will defend yourself!

[Anonymous]

OP, Her humiliation of being driven away would feel amazing to you. Her fear, her distress, her pain. You deserve to see it.

Let’s hear about it!!