Wife behaves like a child during arguments and throws things. Call the cops?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| Scared to death they’ll try to arrest me when I’m the real victim. They’ll almost always go after the man automatically. But it’s getting kind of ridiculous. We cannot have any disagreements whatsoever without my wife turning into a screaming 8 year old toddler who throws things both at walls and at me. Isn’t this unacceptable? Really thinking about calling the cops next time she has a toddler tantrum. I do t think she’d last a single night in jail and it’d set her straight. How risky is this for a man to protect himself using the law? |
Anonymous
| Do you have kids? |
Anonymous
No |
Anonymous
| What did you do? |
Anonymous
| Sheesh just get a divorce already. |
Anonymous
| Document it with video. Install cameras around your home? |
Anonymous
Quick to blame the victim here, aren't you? |
Anonymous
| Have you tried marriage counseling? And personal therapy for her? |
Anonymous
If he did he’d know an eight year old isn’t a toddler. |
Anonymous
|
It doesn’t sound like you think you are in any immediate danger.
If I am reading that wrong, and you do believe you are in danger, you should leave your abusive spouse and go stay with friends or in a hotel while you file for divorce. If you do not believe you are in danger don’t call the police, because their job isn’t to get revenge on your spouse for you, and as you correctly note, there is a solid chance you will be arrested (some localities require the arrest of both parties, and remember by the time the police arrive it is your word against hers and she may have been throwing something because she was in mortal fear of her life…). Initiate divorce proceedings against your abusive spouse. |
Anonymous
| Just leave. |
Anonymous
|
It sounds like you think a night in jail for her will solve your marriage problems. That is unlikely.
If you want to stay married but have her stop throwing things, try counseling first. If you don't want to stay married, leave. If you are worried she will try to hurt you when you leave, call the police or a domestic violence hotline. |
Anonymous
|
You're correct; it is unacceptable. You swiftly got the usual kind of post here asking "What did you do?" because many posters here like to pretend that for "fairness" they need to assign immediate blame to any OP who describes a spouse doing anything like this -- especially if the OP is a man talking about his wife's behavior. But even if you "did something," throwing things is out of all bounds. Even if you were terrible, throwing things is not the response of any reasonable person unless she's throwing stuff AT you because you're physically attacking her. Figuring that that's not the case: Do you leave the room instantly when she throws the first object or even grabs something and raises it as if about to throw it? That's what you need to do. No trying to talk her down or whatever. She grabs, she raises, you go out the door, and fast. You can say ONE time, the next time this starts: "I get that you're angry and I acknowlege that, but if you throw or attempt to throw anything, I will leave the house immediately." Then do it. Walk out. "I'm leaving and will be back later, to give you time to calm down." As you are exiting. I would actually drive to somewhere nearby and not come back for at least an hour. NOT to punish her, OP, but to put space between you so she can cool down. That's the temporary measure, though. If you want to stay in the marriage and you care for the person she is when she's not this kind of angry: You should be asking yourself, is she mentally OK? The answer seems to be "No." Can she have ANY sort of conversation that is not a disagreement? Have you ever sat down with her while she was calm, not when she's just had a tantrum!, and said, "I'm concerned about you and about the reactions that anger produces. Being angry is one thing, we all get angry. But when you throw things, I feel under attack and it's not acceptable for adults to throw things. It makes me worried for your health. I am not talking now about any of the stuff we've argued about, at all; I am talking about only the reaction of throwing things when we do argue. What do you think we need to do so you don't get to the point of throwing things?" Any chance she's acting out reactions she witnessed one of her own parents using? Does she work, and if so, does she have anger issues re: work and she bottles them up so any trigger at home turns into misplaced, redirected rage? Do YOU continue to argue once she shows signs of being unable to talk but shows signs she's getting this kind of angry? (If you do: Stop it.) Why do you disagree so much? Sounds like this is pretty frequent--yes? What is she like when she's not like this? Is this a Jekyll-and-Hyde thing where she's fine all the time, until suddenly--? Do specific topics cause these kinds of outbursts? Have there been things between you like infidelity or other major stresses and you're not seeing how badly they affect her, and bring them up sometimes? (Again-- that would not excuse her throwing things, even if you are wrongly provoking her. But if you are: Stop it. And get marriage therapy as fast as you can.) |
Anonymous
| If she doesn’t see this as a problem, there s nothing you can do except leave. A night in jail is not going to fix what’s wrong in Hoe she handles conflict. |
Anonymous
| I would tell a woman to leave too, if her husband was throwing things at her. Especially if there are no kids. OP, you deserve better. |