If you had an affair with a married person

[Anonymous]

I know no one likes to hear this but some people really are preyed on when vulnerable.doesn’t make them innocent but it’s often not an even power dynamic, which is part of it for better and for worse. See poster above who fathered his 20-something secretary’s child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a long term, on and off affair with a woman at work.

Did you ever feel bad for the spouse (and/or kids)? No

How did you reconcile entering someone else’s family like that. She started hitting on me and it went from there

Hopefully her husband finds out and beats the sh@t out of you. Likely he will dump her ho @ss. Men tend not to stick around when cheated on.

I’d love to see him try.

Why do you think she went outside her marriage?

Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle… He’s fat and out of shape.

[Anonymous]

I was 20 y/o and didn’t even think about his wife. He was sleeping with multiple women, which I didn’t care either. I was just having fun. I ended the affair after a couple of months.

[Anonymous]

Did not feel bad because they don't love one another. I think the wide is out and about herself every night.
It's marriage for visa/papers and will be done once the papers arrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not that it’s the other woman’s “fault” or even her problem, but I agree that it’s gross and I don’t think I would ever do it.

I imagine that one thing that happens is if you’re married and about to step out secretly, you’ve done some mental gymnastics to justify that in your head. So if your potential affair partner is also married and parrots some of that justification, one might be able to just include the other person in the whole situation.

I would never do it because I’m not a cheater. Has nothing to do with their spouse. If I were single, I wouldn’t do it only because I date with the intention to marry and don’t sleep with people who aren’t available for commitment. Again, nothing to do with the spouse. Married people are still individuals who make their own decisions. I’m firmly in the “the one who made the vows is to blame” camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know no one likes to hear this but some people really are preyed on when vulnerable.doesn’t make them innocent but it’s often not an even power dynamic, which is part of it for better and for worse. See poster above who fathered his 20-something secretary’s child.

Agree. Or watch Monica Lewinsky’s Ted talk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t feel bad for the spouse. He had likely shown his true colors previously. He was successful on Wall Street and very few of those men have any morals or decency. He was sexually deviant and his wife had to know it. Living their fancy lifestyle wasn’t free.

It was great sex though!

"He had likely shown his true colors..."
So you actually do not know what his "true colors" were, since you're saying, "likely."

"Very few of those men have any morals...."
You're making a vast assumption about every man who is in a certain profession/group of companies/type of job. Sure, buddy, you know every "Wall Street" guy personally and have assed their morals in detail.

"He was sexually deviant and his wife had to know it...."
Saying she "had to know it" means she did not tell you herself; you're assuming she knew...what, exactly? How do YOU know another man was "deviant"?

You're just flailing to excuse your own scumminess. Just be honest and go directly to your last line and leave out the rest of your crap. You wanted sex, you got sex, you and she are done now apparently. Yay, you. At least be honest about it and stop the waffling language, justifications and assumptions (since you and she never talked, right? Too busy banging so that's why you just have to assume what you think she "had to know")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever feel bad for the spouse (and/or kids)? How did you reconcile entering someone else’s family like that.

Did you wish he/she would divorce or die so in your mind you could end up with them?

I’ve heard some really awful things from OW so just wondering anonymously what let you cross that line?

I got hit in a lot by married co-workers and others and my mind always went to their wife. I never wanted to do that to another woman, even ones I didn’t know. If things got heated, I’d distance and put up a wall. Things just don’t happen….

You are a decent human with a working moral compass, then, OP.

Sadly there are plenty of men and women with no morals, who never give a single thought to the spouses of their married affair partners, or to their own spouses if they're married themselves.

Not sure, though, where you're hearing "really awful things from OWs." I hope you mean in places like these forums, and not in your real life. Because if real-life friends or acquaintances of mine were OW in affairs, well, I wouldn't be around them long enough to hear their "awful things" about the person they are harming. I'd drop them. Though I'll add, they likely get all their information about the awful wife from the men who bang them; those men have a keen interest in ensuring the wife looks bad to the mistress.

You have got to be kidding morals lol

The person stepping out is the cheater

The affair person is not at fault .

You are ridiculous moral lol like all the moral bible thumpers who cheat lol

Keep your morality crap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever feel bad for the spouse (and/or kids)? How did you reconcile entering someone else’s family like that.

Did you wish he/she would divorce or die so in your mind you could end up with them?

I’ve heard some really awful things from OW so just wondering anonymously what let you cross that line?

I got hit in a lot by married co-workers and others and my mind always went to their wife. I never wanted to do that to another woman, even ones I didn’t know. If things got heated, I’d distance and put up a wall. Things just don’t happen….

You are a decent human with a working moral compass, then, OP.

Sadly there are plenty of men and women with no morals, who never give a single thought to the spouses of their married affair partners, or to their own spouses if they're married themselves.

Not sure, though, where you're hearing "really awful things from OWs." I hope you mean in places like these forums, and not in your real life. Because if real-life friends or acquaintances of mine were OW in affairs, well, I wouldn't be around them long enough to hear their "awful things" about the person they are harming. I'd drop them. Though I'll add, they likely get all their information about the awful wife from the men who bang them; those men have a keen interest in ensuring the wife looks bad to the mistress.

You have got to be kidding morals lol

The person stepping out is the cheater

The affair person is not at fault .

You are ridiculous moral lol like all the moral bible thumpers who cheat lol

Keep your morality crap

All those "lols" tell us it's time you went to bed, honey. Your mom is going to be pi$$ed that you're on her DCUM account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever feel bad for the spouse (and/or kids)? How did you reconcile entering someone else’s family like that.

Did you wish he/she would divorce or die so in your mind you could end up with them?

I’ve heard some really awful things from OW so just wondering anonymously what let you cross that line?

I got hit in a lot by married co-workers and others and my mind always went to their wife. I never wanted to do that to another woman, even ones I didn’t know. If things got heated, I’d distance and put up a wall. Things just don’t happen….

I worked in a hospital several years ago. One of the nurses went aggressively after a guy who was in a prestigious radiology fellowship. He was married with kids and his wife had supported him all through med school and residency, but he chose to break his vows. The nurse got pregnant and became wife #2. She’s popped out 2 more kids and is enjoying the good life now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't know he was married. There was no ring indent on his finger or tan line. His phone lock screen was basic without any family photos. His phone background was the same. He was never distracted while with me or flighty, making excuses for why he needed to take a phone call or cut a date short. When we were together, we were 100% together. He spent the night with me, we vacationed together, and I met his brother (supposedly? Who knows - he told me his only family was a brother.). He was active on social media with friends!

I found out in the most random way, too. He was my plus one for a colleague's wedding. Another guest at that wedding knew his wife.

When the truth came out, he was basically living a double life. His work brought him to the DC area but he lived in Philly, which I never knew. I thought he lived in DC full time and traveled from here for work to other areas (Philly, Newark, Boston, NYC). His apartment here in DC was really an apartment owned by his office. I still don't understand how someone could live their life with so many lies about everything. Looking at everything he did, all the lies he told and the stories he had to keep straight, it just seems so exhausting. We were together for just under 18 months, too.

I didn't date for about 2 years after that and I still have some major trust issues. Even in my case where I had no idea, his wife was SO upset with me. She harassed me on social media and some of her friends & family did as well. She texted me from 3 different numbers and I had to block them all. It was crazy. I felt worse for her when everything came out than in the weeks following it all coming out because so much of her anger was directed at me instead of him, which still baffles me. I thought I had him blocked on all social media but about a year or so ago one of his friends that I had friended on Instagram (and forgotten about) posted some photos from a kid's bday party and there the guy was WITH his wife, so they worked things out.

This sounds EXACTLY like something my ex did to his wife (the woman he dated after me). I’m pretty sure this is a different person because my ex is divorcing. Just knowing him and how he thinks part of his desire to conceal is a belief that he could have a different type of woman if he concealed versus disclosed.

[Anonymous]

And some women are simply trashy climbers who will do anything to get the man and say they "manifested" him while he was married. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever feel bad for the spouse (and/or kids)? How did you reconcile entering someone else’s family like that.

Did you wish he/she would divorce or die so in your mind you could end up with them?

I’ve heard some really awful things from OW so just wondering anonymously what let you cross that line?

I got hit in a lot by married co-workers and others and my mind always went to their wife. I never wanted to do that to another woman, even ones I didn’t know. If things got heated, I’d distance and put up a wall. Things just don’t happen….

I worked in a hospital several years ago. One of the nurses went aggressively after a guy who was in a prestigious radiology fellowship. He was married with kids and his wife had supported him all through med school and residency, but he chose to break his vows. The nurse got pregnant and became wife #2. She’s popped out 2 more kids and is enjoying the good life now.

Her "good life" is bought at the cost of constantly knowing -- or obliviously trying to forget -- that , as the saying goes, "if he will cheat WITH you, he will cheat ON you." Maybe she's convinced herself she's his one great love, of course. Hope she enjoys her delusion and the "good life" she thinks she and her kids have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lowly people get off on the idea they are someone that can “steal” a man or woman’s spouse. Very low self-esteem and a twisted mind. They get off on it.

Low Value People walk around thinking that they actually "own" their spouse. Newsflash: you don't own any other person. It's not stealing because you didn't have ownership in the first place. You want to get mad at someone? Get mad at your cheating husband who was open to sex with another.

I agree.

I get attention from certain married men I work with. They're all good people who consciously do not make any move. I think that if I ever made a move, some of them wouldn't say no. But I don't. I do enjoy the attention, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever feel bad for the spouse (and/or kids)? How did you reconcile entering someone else’s family like that.

Did you wish he/she would divorce or die so in your mind you could end up with them?

I’ve heard some really awful things from OW so just wondering anonymously what let you cross that line?

I got hit in a lot by married co-workers and others and my mind always went to their wife. I never wanted to do that to another woman, even ones I didn’t know. If things got heated, I’d distance and put up a wall. Things just don’t happen….

I worked in a hospital several years ago. One of the nurses went aggressively after a guy who was in a prestigious radiology fellowship. He was married with kids and his wife had supported him all through med school and residency, but he chose to break his vows. The nurse got pregnant and became wife #2. She’s popped out 2 more kids and is enjoying the good life now.

Her "good life" is bought at the cost of constantly knowing -- or obliviously trying to forget -- that , as the saying goes, "if he will cheat WITH you, he will cheat ON you." Maybe she's convinced herself she's his one great love, of course. Hope she enjoys her delusion and the "good life" she thinks she and her kids have.

Or not. Please don't tell yourself "karma got them" stories, or if you do, understand that you're just trying to make yourself feel better.
If life has been unfair to you, you need to move on and find happiness elsewhere. That is the only way to feel better.