Parental time and activities as kids age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Winter Swim is over. So, this is a non-issue till the fall and you have time to look around for other groups and do summer tryouts. Summer swim generally has multiple options and you can miss a day a week, no big deal. And, if they are doing year round that includes summer, generally the majority of the swim times are very early in the morning.

I had to pick practice slots for my kid for winter swim two weeks ago. It's totally possible that OP has to sign up now for the fall and make a decision which nights her DS will practice. Any extra slots are filled by newcomer tryouts in June. She has maybe 2-3 weeks until June tryouts for other teams. She can't sort this out in September.

OP, I like the idea of the MWF practices and telling your DH to pick your son up at practice on Friday. It seems more straightforward than trying to sort Saturday practices with your DS being at his dad's every other weekend. It can be between your exDH and the coach if he can pull your DS early on Fridays. I'd stay out of that.

How about talking to him and reworking the schedule if you are changing his visitation schedule? Or, find a new team. We don't sign up till the summer but if you are only doing 3 days a week swim, it is on a competitive group but it's not mandatory at that age they attend every single one. We don't sign up till later in summer. You don't stay out of something you set up and you set up Dad to fail and be the bad guy. If you are changing the schedule you need to work it out. You can offer to drive the kid to Dad's house after practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

It's called parenting time for a reason. Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making. Not the parent's desire for a playmate.

Parenting time is when you share custody. Visitation is when you only get your kids every other weekend and maybe a few hours during the week. So, it's not reasonable to have Dad spend no 1-1 time with the kids as you over-schedule them and schedule on his time. He decides what happens on his time, you on yours. You know the schedule and you choose a team and times that work for the schedule. This is not competitive swim at a serious level if it's just 3 afternoons/evenings a week. You are not a parent if you have every other weekend visitation and you get no say in your child's life or schedule. As the custodial parent you don't get to dictate what happens during visits. You can request it, but you don't get to dictate it.

[Anonymous]

Increase visitation/custody time to cover extracurriculars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

It's called parenting time for a reason. Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making. Not the parent's desire for a playmate.

Parenting time is when you share custody. Visitation is when you only get your kids every other weekend and maybe a few hours during the week. So, it's not reasonable to have Dad spend no 1-1 time with the kids as you over-schedule them and schedule on his time. He decides what happens on his time, you on yours. You know the schedule and you choose a team and times that work for the schedule. This is not competitive swim at a serious level if it's just 3 afternoons/evenings a week. You are not a parent if you have every other weekend visitation and you get no say in your child's life or schedule. As the custodial parent you don't get to dictate what happens during visits. You can request it, but you don't get to dictate it.

What's the problem with picking the kid up from practice on Friday evening? He still gets Friday eve and the entire weekend so his precious one-on-one is not affected. OP offered Sunday night as well so he can get more time if he extends his weekend and brings the kids to school on Monday morning. OP is being flexible so the father should be as well.

Think long term. What else is he going to require on "his" weekend? No homework so it doesn't eat into his one-on-one? No cooking? No cleaning? 48 hrs of back-to-back fun?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

It's called parenting time for a reason. Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making. Not the parent's desire for a playmate.

Parenting time is when you share custody. Visitation is when you only get your kids every other weekend and maybe a few hours during the week. So, it's not reasonable to have Dad spend no 1-1 time with the kids as you over-schedule them and schedule on his time. He decides what happens on his time, you on yours. You know the schedule and you choose a team and times that work for the schedule. This is not competitive swim at a serious level if it's just 3 afternoons/evenings a week. You are not a parent if you have every other weekend visitation and you get no say in your child's life or schedule. As the custodial parent you don't get to dictate what happens during visits. You can request it, but you don't get to dictate it.

And how is a kid supposed to even get to a competitive level if one of their parents insists they can NEVER EVER practice on "their time?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

It's called parenting time for a reason. Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making. Not the parent's desire for a playmate.

Parenting time is when you share custody. Visitation is when you only get your kids every other weekend and maybe a few hours during the week. So, it's not reasonable to have Dad spend no 1-1 time with the kids as you over-schedule them and schedule on his time. He decides what happens on his time, you on yours. You know the schedule and you choose a team and times that work for the schedule. This is not competitive swim at a serious level if it's just 3 afternoons/evenings a week. You are not a parent if you have every other weekend visitation and you get no say in your child's life or schedule. As the custodial parent you don't get to dictate what happens during visits. You can request it, but you don't get to dictate it.

And how is a kid supposed to even get to a competitive level if one of their parents insists they can NEVER EVER practice on "their time?"

You address that issue when it becomes an issue. At this point, they aren't on a high level. Mom can choose other times but has chosen Dad's time, which is very limited. If he agrees, great, but if he doesn't she needs to try to change the visit schedule to one that works for him or drive the kid to Dad's house as a compromise. Or, find a different team. There are lots of options here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

It's called parenting time for a reason. Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making. Not the parent's desire for a playmate.

Parenting time is when you share custody. Visitation is when you only get your kids every other weekend and maybe a few hours during the week. So, it's not reasonable to have Dad spend no 1-1 time with the kids as you over-schedule them and schedule on his time. He decides what happens on his time, you on yours. You know the schedule and you choose a team and times that work for the schedule. This is not competitive swim at a serious level if it's just 3 afternoons/evenings a week. You are not a parent if you have every other weekend visitation and you get no say in your child's life or schedule. As the custodial parent you don't get to dictate what happens during visits. You can request it, but you don't get to dictate it.

What's the problem with picking the kid up from practice on Friday evening? He still gets Friday eve and the entire weekend so his precious one-on-one is not affected. OP offered Sunday night as well so he can get more time if he extends his weekend and brings the kids to school on Monday morning. OP is being flexible so the father should be as well.

Think long term. What else is he going to require on "his" weekend? No homework so it doesn't eat into his one-on-one? No cooking? No cleaning? 48 hrs of back-to-back fun?

For what ever reason he doesn't want to wait or cannot wait. We don't know what his reasoning is. Maybe OP can offer to drive the child to his house as a compromise if it's that important to her that the child swims on Dad's night. Sunday night might be an issue with transportation/school start times. The entire weekend is Friday night to Sunday afternoon. You realize that's 48 hours or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

It's called parenting time for a reason. Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making. Not the parent's desire for a playmate.

Parenting time is when you share custody. Visitation is when you only get your kids every other weekend and maybe a few hours during the week. So, it's not reasonable to have Dad spend no 1-1 time with the kids as you over-schedule them and schedule on his time. He decides what happens on his time, you on yours. You know the schedule and you choose a team and times that work for the schedule. This is not competitive swim at a serious level if it's just 3 afternoons/evenings a week. You are not a parent if you have every other weekend visitation and you get no say in your child's life or schedule. As the custodial parent you don't get to dictate what happens during visits. You can request it, but you don't get to dictate it.

What's the problem with picking the kid up from practice on Friday evening? He still gets Friday eve and the entire weekend so his precious one-on-one is not affected. OP offered Sunday night as well so he can get more time if he extends his weekend and brings the kids to school on Monday morning. OP is being flexible so the father should be as well.

Think long term. What else is he going to require on "his" weekend? No homework so it doesn't eat into his one-on-one? No cooking? No cleaning? 48 hrs of back-to-back fun?

For what ever reason he doesn't want to wait or cannot wait. We don't know what his reasoning is. Maybe OP can offer to drive the child to his house as a compromise if it's that important to her that the child swims on Dad's night. Sunday night might be an issue with transportation/school start times. The entire weekend is Friday night to Sunday afternoon. You realize that's 48 hours or less.

Dad gets to control the majority of nights (no practice Tuesday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday) and the majority of the weekend time since mom loses one weekend a month to meets and two to him.

When you take out sleep, and HW and dental visits, and tutoring, and relatively minimal amount of extracurriculars, and any social experiences. the kid has more time with Dad than Mom, during which he has no responsibility to parent, according to some people here.

And you say that it’s because he wants time with his kid, and then propose a “compromises” where he sees him less. Making it 100% clear that in your mind (can’t speak to Dad’s) it’s really about sticking it to Mom even if his kids get hurt in the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Winter Swim is over. So, this is a non-issue till the fall and you have time to look around for other groups and do summer tryouts. Summer swim generally has multiple options and you can miss a day a week, no big deal. And, if they are doing year round that includes summer, generally the majority of the swim times are very early in the morning.

I had to pick practice slots for my kid for winter swim two weeks ago. It's totally possible that OP has to sign up now for the fall and make a decision which nights her DS will practice. Any extra slots are filled by newcomer tryouts in June. She has maybe 2-3 weeks until June tryouts for other teams. She can't sort this out in September.

OP, I like the idea of the MWF practices and telling your DH to pick your son up at practice on Friday. It seems more straightforward than trying to sort Saturday practices with your DS being at his dad's every other weekend. It can be between your exDH and the coach if he can pull your DS early on Fridays. I'd stay out of that.

How about talking to him and reworking the schedule if you are changing his visitation schedule? Or, find a new team. We don't sign up till the summer but if you are only doing 3 days a week swim, it is on a competitive group but it's not mandatory at that age they attend every single one. We don't sign up till later in summer. You don't stay out of something you set up and you set up Dad to fail and be the bad guy. If you are changing the schedule you need to work it out. You can offer to drive the kid to Dad's house after practice.

The kid wants to practice 3x a week to improve. Missing a practice every other Friday only works out to 2.5 days a week of swimming.

I'm also not sure where all these posters live that finding a swim team that is located within a reasonable distance, has perfect practice times to fit Dad's schedule, and has openings is super easy. That's certainly not true in thr DMV. It also would require that DS switch teams, coaches, and friends every year to search for a team that fits Dad's schedule. None of that is easy or possible.

From what OP has shared, Dad doesn't want to pick up DS from practice on Friday 30 minutes later than his usual time because (1) he doesn't want to wait and (2) traffic may get worse for his ride home. But you know what? Picking kids up from activities at annoying times is part of parenting. And this doesn't even sound especially inconvenient.

Sure, OP can consider flexing the visitation schedule if Dad will have a conversation, but if he wont consider any options, I'd just sign DS up for three nights a week and let Dad sort Fridays with the coach. It's part of parenting and only 30 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Winter Swim is over. So, this is a non-issue till the fall and you have time to look around for other groups and do summer tryouts. Summer swim generally has multiple options and you can miss a day a week, no big deal. And, if they are doing year round that includes summer, generally the majority of the swim times are very early in the morning.

I had to pick practice slots for my kid for winter swim two weeks ago. It's totally possible that OP has to sign up now for the fall and make a decision which nights her DS will practice. Any extra slots are filled by newcomer tryouts in June. She has maybe 2-3 weeks until June tryouts for other teams. She can't sort this out in September.

OP, I like the idea of the MWF practices and telling your DH to pick your son up at practice on Friday. It seems more straightforward than trying to sort Saturday practices with your DS being at his dad's every other weekend. It can be between your exDH and the coach if he can pull your DS early on Fridays. I'd stay out of that.

How about talking to him and reworking the schedule if you are changing his visitation schedule? Or, find a new team. We don't sign up till the summer but if you are only doing 3 days a week swim, it is on a competitive group but it's not mandatory at that age they attend every single one. We don't sign up till later in summer. You don't stay out of something you set up and you set up Dad to fail and be the bad guy. If you are changing the schedule you need to work it out. You can offer to drive the kid to Dad's house after practice.

OP isn't setting Dad up to be the bad guy, he's doing that himself. OP has looked at all options and found the least disruptive choice. She's offered to discuss with DH. He's not willing to be flexible or have a discussion. This is something that DS is asking for. That makes DH the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve done all that you can, OP. If this is important to your son, he needs to be the one pleading his case. If dad still won’t give in, dad will have to live with the consequences of son’s resentment. It’s sad that dad doesn’t understand that parenting is just as much about fitting yourself into your children’s lives as it is about fitting them into your life.

Thanks for this. I agree that he needs to be able to speak up to his dad. He tells me he’s afraid to upset him or make him feel bad. Meaning he’s afraid to tell him he’d rather do his own things on Dad’s time and not spend the entire weekend away from his friends and activities. I’ve told him that it’s important to be considerate but he’s not responsible for his Dad’s feelings.

My ex is similar to yours. My DC also don't want to speak up to him, in fact they are pretty afraid to. I've worked with my own therapist to try to work with them to learn how to feel more comfortable speaking up. He may not listen to what they say, but at least he heard it and they said it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

It's called parenting time for a reason. Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making. Not the parent's desire for a playmate.

Parenting time is when you share custody. Visitation is when you only get your kids every other weekend and maybe a few hours during the week. So, it's not reasonable to have Dad spend no 1-1 time with the kids as you over-schedule them and schedule on his time. He decides what happens on his time, you on yours. You know the schedule and you choose a team and times that work for the schedule. This is not competitive swim at a serious level if it's just 3 afternoons/evenings a week. You are not a parent if you have every other weekend visitation and you get no say in your child's life or schedule. As the custodial parent you don't get to dictate what happens during visits. You can request it, but you don't get to dictate it.

And how is a kid supposed to even get to a competitive level if one of their parents insists they can NEVER EVER practice on "their time?"

You address that issue when it becomes an issue. At this point, they aren't on a high level. Mom can choose other times but has chosen Dad's time, which is very limited. If he agrees, great, but if he doesn't she needs to try to change the visit schedule to one that works for him or drive the kid to Dad's house as a compromise. Or, find a different team. There are lots of options here.

Because by your logic, you won't even allow them to participate in "low level" or "mid level" so they will never get to "high level." Therefore it will NEVER be "an issue" to address.

[Anonymous]

I got bored and did some math.

In a 2 week period there are 336 hours, of which OP's kids are probably asleep around 140, and in school 70, and probably if they're like most working families, another 20 in aftercare, or on the school bus, or otherwise occupied while parents work. So, 106 hours are left.

Let's assume Dad gets 38 hours of awake kid time. That's figuring they spend 40 hours sleeping, and that they get about 5 hours on a Tuesday/Wednesday with Dad. That's more than a third of their time.

In my experience if you count up all the things Dad doesn't do because they aren't fun for the parent. Swim practice, swim meets, music lessons, music practice, homework, tutoring, dental and medical appointments, orthodontist appointments, having a friend over, or letting them go to a friend's house, birthday parties etc . . . It's more than a third of the time too.

Which leaves mom with a tiny bit of time.

The "it's not parenting time, it's just a visit" argument is absurd. Kids need parents 24/7, and if he's going to have them for 1/3 of their not sleep/school/childcare time he needs to do 1/3 of the parenting, including whatever parts of parenting are scheduled during his time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The concept of uninterrupted time seems unreasonable, especially as kids age. If you were still married and all of you lived in one home, your kids would spend time apart from you for school, activities, play dates, birthday parties, etc.

I’m curious what activities your Ex plans when he has the kids. Does he never run an errand, put gas in the car, go grocery shopping? Does he actively engage with the kids for his full visit and never have downtime for them to play with other kids, read a book, etc.?

It feels like this is more about punishing you than wanting to spend time with the kids.

I completely agree. OP this really sucks. I have no advice. When I was around that age and my parents were divorced I started being much more rebellious and vocal about what I wanted to do with my time and I think my parents just gave in because I was such a pain. Obviously don't encourage this but if your son starts being like that, don't stop him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

It's called parenting time for a reason. Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making. Not the parent's desire for a playmate.

Parenting time is when you share custody. Visitation is when you only get your kids every other weekend and maybe a few hours during the week. So, it's not reasonable to have Dad spend no 1-1 time with the kids as you over-schedule them and schedule on his time. He decides what happens on his time, you on yours. You know the schedule and you choose a team and times that work for the schedule. This is not competitive swim at a serious level if it's just 3 afternoons/evenings a week. You are not a parent if you have every other weekend visitation and you get no say in your child's life or schedule. As the custodial parent you don't get to dictate what happens during visits. You can request it, but you don't get to dictate it.

Nope, parenting time is the concept that courts currently used. Visitation is when you see your kid for 1 hour a week with supervision. That's what parents who don't parent during their time should get.