Parental time and activities as kids age

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to your lawyer. You can not solve this, but they can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to your lawyer. You can not solve this, but they can.

Not really. Your lawyer can take it to court, but unless the decree has language about kids’ activities, a judge can’t really do anything.

Just like married parents could tell a kid they didn’t want to commit to weekend sports, a divorced parent can as well.

[Anonymous]

You are equally as difficult as he is. Both of you are petty. You CAN find a swim practice that doesn’t fall on his night, you just choose not to do so. He does need to add that extra day, he just wants to. The swim team would like him to make it every Saturday but that is not required. What happens if he doesn’t? Nothing…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are equally as difficult as he is. Both of you are petty. You CAN find a swim practice that doesn’t fall on his night, you just choose not to do so. He does need to add that extra day, he just wants to. The swim team would like him to make it every Saturday but that is not required. What happens if he doesn’t? Nothing…

I don’t think you read the posts correctly.

[Anonymous]

I would go back to court or mediation.

The kid is going to be penalized and lose his position or spot on the team. Maybe dad can do more time in the summer or start putting his kids skills and development first and not FaceTime with dad an hour away.
Socialization with friends and big homework projects will also be increasingly important.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are equally as difficult as he is. Both of you are petty. You CAN find a swim practice that doesn’t fall on his night, you just choose not to do so. He does need to add that extra day, he just wants to. The swim team would like him to make it every Saturday but that is not required. What happens if he doesn’t? Nothing…

If he’s in one of the five programs in DC he’ll get kicked off the team. There is an under supply of pools and lanes here so if you miss practices or swim slowly you’re an off the team. Every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone. I also feel it's unsustainable and only punishes DC12. Eventually it will affect DC10 as well, I imagine.

I have tried finding other swim teams with different days (M, W, Th, for example) and they just don't seem to exist. MWF, or T/Th with or without Saturdays seems to be the norm.

exDH feels that because he has less time with DCs during the week, he is entitled to "uninterrupted" time with them on his evenings and weekends. I have offered to give him more time during the summer, but as it is, he doesn't take the 2 weeks of uninterrupted time he is entitled to. He prioritizes work over most all else, so taking 2 weeks off in the summer would never happen. I've offered for him to let DCs stay with him for 2 weeks and go to camp near his house, but he has never taken me up on that either.

The whole situation is exhausting.

If your Ex not American?

Maybe he doesn’t get it or how ECs work or what to do after school 3-9pm. Video games more convenient for Dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would he switch to weds instead of tuesdays?

Then swim could be Tues Thurs Sat?

It’s only a matter of one year and swim will be daily outside of meets or AM and PM daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are equally as difficult as he is. Both of you are petty. You CAN find a swim practice that doesn’t fall on his night, you just choose not to do so. He does need to add that extra day, he just wants to. The swim team would like him to make it every Saturday but that is not required. What happens if he doesn’t? Nothing…

If he’s in one of the five programs in DC he’ll get kicked off the team. There is an under supply of pools and lanes here so if you miss practices or swim slowly you’re an off the team. Every year.

Except if the child is in the high-level swim groups, they can absolutely miss a practice a week. Or, OP can go to a different group. There are more than 5 programs in the DMV for a swim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are equally as difficult as he is. Both of you are petty. You CAN find a swim practice that doesn’t fall on his night, you just choose not to do so. He does need to add that extra day, he just wants to. The swim team would like him to make it every Saturday but that is not required. What happens if he doesn’t? Nothing…

If he’s in one of the five programs in DC he’ll get kicked off the team. There is an under supply of pools and lanes here so if you miss practices or swim slowly you’re an off the team. Every year.

Except if the child is in the high-level swim groups, they can absolutely miss a practice a week. Or, OP can go to a different group. There are more than 5 programs in the DMV for a swim.

Also, the high-level/elite groups often offer practices in the AM, so this is just a regular swim team and yes, they can miss.

[Anonymous]

Winter Swim is over. So, this is a non-issue till the fall and you have time to look around for other groups and do summer tryouts. Summer swim generally has multiple options and you can miss a day a week, no big deal. And, if they are doing year round that includes summer, generally the majority of the swim times are very early in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Instead of sitting in traffic for an hour, why not attend a sports practice for one kid while hanging out, talking with the other kid?

They would have less traffic and kids would get to have activities. If all they do is drive an hour and sleep on Tuesday night, why doesn’t he just take the kids to activities and dinner Tuesday night and let them sleep in their own beds?

He could also get them Friday after activities and keep them until Monday morning - replacing your Wednesday am routine.

OP here. I agree this would be logical. He doesn’t want to give up time with either kid. He also wants activity free time. It’s frustrating. I offered the Sunday evening in place of Tuesday night or friday activities. So he could wait until practice is over Friday and also keep them until Monday morning. His issue with Friday is he doesn’t want to sit in more traffic and apparently 30 minutes makes a difference.

Sounds like he thinks the kids are 5 yo and he will be the fun Disney Dad and the kids are there to stroke his ego.

Why doesn’t he want them to do some sport or arts well and take strong lessons? Weird.

No, it sounds like he wants to spend the little time he has with the kids and not sitting in the car at practice and not spending time with them.

It's called parenting time for a reason. Because the job during the time is to be a parent, which includes the fun parts, and the less fun parts like sitting in the car, and helping with homework, and putting their needs first.

The kids needs should be at the center of the decision making. Not the parent's desire for a playmate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Winter Swim is over. So, this is a non-issue till the fall and you have time to look around for other groups and do summer tryouts. Summer swim generally has multiple options and you can miss a day a week, no big deal. And, if they are doing year round that includes summer, generally the majority of the swim times are very early in the morning.

I had to pick practice slots for my kid for winter swim two weeks ago. It's totally possible that OP has to sign up now for the fall and make a decision which nights her DS will practice. Any extra slots are filled by newcomer tryouts in June. She has maybe 2-3 weeks until June tryouts for other teams. She can't sort this out in September.

OP, I like the idea of the MWF practices and telling your DH to pick your son up at practice on Friday. It seems more straightforward than trying to sort Saturday practices with your DS being at his dad's every other weekend. It can be between your exDH and the coach if he can pull your DS early on Fridays. I'd stay out of that.