Soon to be 18 Senior refuses to practice driving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inevitably, people who don’t know how to drive leech of those who do.

What if you want to take a trip to Hawaii and visit Volcanoes National park? What if you want to go skiing in Colorado? What if you want to go to a concert at Wolf Trap or Merriweather? Or camping in the Adirondacks?

My son went on a college outing club trip over spring break and they brought along 2 kids who couldn’t drive. They had to drive the van in shifts and they were all secretly annoyed at the 2 non drivers who didn’t pull their weight. Yeah, they all would have liked to sit in the passenger seat and scroll their phones too, but that wasn’t going to get them to Utah.

That’s freaking weird that they drove to Utah, and it may not be those kids’ faults that they don’t have licenses. They may have disabilities or may not have been taught how to drive. Teach your son not to be a judgemental a**

It's not weird -- if you want to visit National Parks and go hiking and camping, that's what you do. Maybe if you are New York Lonely Boy who has never seen a tree that wasn't surrounded by concrete and was driven around in a Lincoln Town car your entire life it seems weird, but normal human beings take road trips and do outdoorsy things sometimes.

And they don't have any reasons not to drive; they comfortably bragged that they simply preferred not to drive and would rather have others chauffeur them around.

Andjudgmental doesn't have an E in this country, and I'm gonna judge you for not knowing that.

Teach your kids to pull their own weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inevitably, people who don’t know how to drive leech of those who do.

What if you want to take a trip to Hawaii and visit Volcanoes National park? What if you want to go skiing in Colorado? What if you want to go to a concert at Wolf Trap or Merriweather? Or camping in the Adirondacks?

My son went on a college outing club trip over spring break and they brought along 2 kids who couldn’t drive. They had to drive the van in shifts and they were all secretly annoyed at the 2 non drivers who didn’t pull their weight. Yeah, they all would have liked to sit in the passenger seat and scroll their phones too, but that wasn’t going to get them to Utah.

Why couldn’t they just fly?!?

Because they wanted to take a road trip, because they had gear with them, because they were stopping in Colorado and other places along the way to camp and hike, because they were driving in and out of various National Parks which do not have airports and willing Uber drivers to chauffeur people around to trailheads, because it is an OUTING CLUB. Do you not understand this concept?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who’s going to want to date a man child like that? Driving is a basic adult skill in the US.

Depends on what city you live in. Certainly, not in NYC.

Please. Even my die hard NYC friends who grew up in Greenwich Village in the 70s know how to drive. Sometimes one must leave the city.

When you are 50 and your 18 year old needs to get to college in Vermont or whatever, are you planning to Uber there from Brooklyn?

No, Amtrak.

Amtrak won’t get you to Middlebury or Bowdoin or Dartmouth.

Amtrak indeed goes to Bowdoin in Brunswick.

You gonna haul your mini fridge and dorm room fan and sheets and towels back and forth on Amtrak?

Also, don't be so literal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inevitably, people who don’t know how to drive leech of those who do.

What if you want to take a trip to Hawaii and visit Volcanoes National park? What if you want to go skiing in Colorado? What if you want to go to a concert at Wolf Trap or Merriweather? Or camping in the Adirondacks?

My son went on a college outing club trip over spring break and they brought along 2 kids who couldn’t drive. They had to drive the van in shifts and they were all secretly annoyed at the 2 non drivers who didn’t pull their weight. Yeah, they all would have liked to sit in the passenger seat and scroll their phones too, but that wasn’t going to get them to Utah.

That’s freaking weird that they drove to Utah, and it may not be those kids’ faults that they don’t have licenses. They may have disabilities or may not have been taught how to drive. Teach your son not to be a judgemental a**

Also, this is such an insult to people with actual disabilities. Everyone I've ever met with an actual physical disability is incredibly self-sufficient, competent, and willing to go the extra mile to contribute in whatever way they can. People with disabilities often go to great lengths to be able to drive, if at all possible, because it is a means of independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Might his reluctance be anxiety-related?

[Anonymous]

I would not force the issue but also not drive him around everyone. Bus, walk or metro from here on out. Friends will indulge him for a while, but he'll learn the hard way that you can't rely on other people's car and willingness to drive forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told him to get the license first. He can decide whether to drive or not, he will have the option. But he insists he doesn’t want to ..

My teen was like this. It was anxiety and accurate self-knowledge. He has severe ADHD and knew he was not entirely in control of the vehicle. But we convinced him to get his license anyway, with lots of lessons and hand-holding, in the knowledge that it was better to get it out of the way while he was still at home and we were available to teach him. He has no plans to drive in college, as he's also going to a big city, and he might not ever drive, and certainly never without his meds. He is very aware that he needs more practice, and will not drive without a seasoned adult in the front passenger seat. But it's an accomplishment that he is proud of achieving, given his situation, and one administrative task out of the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inevitably, people who don’t know how to drive leech of those who do.

What if you want to take a trip to Hawaii and visit Volcanoes National park? What if you want to go skiing in Colorado? What if you want to go to a concert at Wolf Trap or Merriweather? Or camping in the Adirondacks?

My son went on a college outing club trip over spring break and they brought along 2 kids who couldn’t drive. They had to drive the van in shifts and they were all secretly annoyed at the 2 non drivers who didn’t pull their weight. Yeah, they all would have liked to sit in the passenger seat and scroll their phones too, but that wasn’t going to get them to Utah.

That’s freaking weird that they drove to Utah, and it may not be those kids’ faults that they don’t have licenses. They may have disabilities or may not have been taught how to drive. Teach your son not to be a judgemental a**

Also, this is such an insult to people with actual disabilities. Everyone I've ever met with an actual physical disability is incredibly self-sufficient, competent, and willing to go the extra mile to contribute in whatever way they can. People with disabilities often go to great lengths to be able to drive, if at all possible, because it is a means of independence.

There are lots of teens with ADHD and high-functioning autism who really should not be driving just yet, PP. Their disabilities are not visible to you, perhaps, but inattention, lack of spatial awareness, issues with prioritization and misunderstanding other people's intentions are all killers on the road.

You write like someone who doesn't understand all that disabilities can encompass. If there's a socio-communicative disorder in the mix, yes, they might not think to reimburse for gas, or compensate by other means, because they have trouble putting themselves in someone else's shoes. This is something they end up learning through the decades, but very slowly indeed. It does not come naturally. So as teens or young adults, yes, they might come off as ingrates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inevitably, people who don’t know how to drive leech of those who do.

What if you want to take a trip to Hawaii and visit Volcanoes National park? What if you want to go skiing in Colorado? What if you want to go to a concert at Wolf Trap or Merriweather? Or camping in the Adirondacks?

My son went on a college outing club trip over spring break and they brought along 2 kids who couldn’t drive. They had to drive the van in shifts and they were all secretly annoyed at the 2 non drivers who didn’t pull their weight. Yeah, they all would have liked to sit in the passenger seat and scroll their phones too, but that wasn’t going to get them to Utah.

That’s freaking weird that they drove to Utah, and it may not be those kids’ faults that they don’t have licenses. They may have disabilities or may not have been taught how to drive. Teach your son not to be a judgemental a**

Also, this is such an insult to people with actual disabilities. Everyone I've ever met with an actual physical disability is incredibly self-sufficient, competent, and willing to go the extra mile to contribute in whatever way they can. People with disabilities often go to great lengths to be able to drive, if at all possible, because it is a means of independence.

I think what you just said is offensive, actually. My college classmate did not drive and no one cared.
She had severe epilepsy, and even the brain surgery she had did not bring her seizures under the frequency to be allowed to drive. It didn’t make her incompetent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop driving him around. Literally just stop.

Too many parents are being their kids chaffeurs and then bemoaning that their kids dont know how to drive.

OP is required to provide a car, then.

No she's not.

[Anonymous]

There really is no need for a car in Boston. And there are plenty of jobs in the city. It's fine. I spent 7 years in college/law school in Boston with zero car ownership ever.

I would not fight this battle. He can do some practice hours this summer and when he's home over the holidays and then get his license next summer. It's really not that big a deal. If he ends up feeling like a loser, it's a life lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There really is no need for a car in Boston. And there are plenty of jobs in the city. It's fine. I spent 7 years in college/law school in Boston with zero car ownership ever.

I would not fight this battle. He can do some practice hours this summer and when he's home over the holidays and then get his license next summer. It's really not that big a deal. If he ends up feeling like a loser, it's a life lesson.

+1

[Anonymous]

Even a college in the Boston suburbs will run a shuttle to the metro, airport, and into Boston. It's really such a great place for car-free living!

With all the things a person starting college has to juggle, you don't want him to have to hassle with a car, parking, shoveling snow off it, and of course people asking him for rides all the dang time. Focus on enjoying your time with your son, this is so super duper not worth fighting about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even a college in the Boston suburbs will run a shuttle to the metro, airport, and into Boston. It's really such a great place for car-free living!

With all the things a person starting college has to juggle, you don't want him to have to hassle with a car, parking, shoveling snow off it, and of course people asking him for rides all the dang time. Focus on enjoying your time with your son, this is so super duper not worth fighting about.

He doesn’t need a car, but he does need a license. Even if he doesn’t step foot in a car again for 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Basically what this means is if he does want to have a summer job that requires driving, he will need to do practice hours and pass the test on his school breaks, right? That does not seem like a terrible fate. He can get a lot done over Thanksgiving and the holidays and finish out on Spring Break.

And he can always sign up for Driver's Ed from a driving school in Boston and do lessons on the weekends.