Soon to be 18 Senior refuses to practice driving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read this whole thread, so sorry if I am retreading territory, but this is really sad.

Driving is a major milestone in kids being independent. After driving I saw my kids become more in touch with managing their own time, allowing for traffic, etc. They made more spontaneous social plans, autonomy about when they arrive and leave, more awareness of the geography around them, following directions, etc. A real jump in independence.

From what one of my kids told me, there are lots of messages kids are receiving on social media and in mandatory driving school about how dangerous driving is... it is obviously dangerous to drive, but I think the powers that be are over-shooting with these messages. No wonder kids who have the slightest bit of anxiety are reluctant to learn to drive.

The strategy that worked for my family for our reluctant drivers is lots of practice at off peak times with an ice cream cone thrown in. Lots of support and guidance from parent instructor. DC is a super hard place to drive relative to lots of other locations. Makes sense kids would need to practice more. But letting your kids be chauffered around by you just reinforces their fear, lets them be lazy and deprives them of an important milestone. (Obviously if you live in the city and your kid is bopping around on public transportation your situation is different.). If you live in the suburbs and can afford to have your kid drive, make it happen!

Only if you can afford a car, gas & insurance and live in the exburbs.

Very true. And still a major milestone if you live in the suburbs and have a care, insurance and gas.

[Anonymous]

It’s not whether he needs a car. He needs to push past a little discomfort and anxiety to function as a productive adult. If he can’t push past it, he needs therapy for anxiety because it will rear its head in lots of other areas. I would not let it go…

[Anonymous]

I am someone who grew up abroad with parents telling me how dangerous driving is, and lots of public transport. Fast forward to me being 36 and ending up in an American suburb. Had to overcome major anxiety and learn. Still avoid crowded places, cities, mountain roads etc. though I am a safe driver.
Learning to drive is something I am more proud of than getting my degree or working for a well known corporation…
I have met people who learned much younger and it’s so much easier for them. I’d like my son to just overcome this hurdle while young and not give it much thought. It’s what happened with coding - he seems to not have that trepidation looking at the lines of code that I do. I learned English when I was young and it was so much easier for me here than for so many people. Some skills, heck, all skills are better to be acquired when young. Yes it’s possible to catch up and it’s best to not overdo it but in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be 18 Senior refuses to practice driving this summer, let him?
He has taken the written test only.
We live in VA suburb and he is going to Boston for college in September, he said he doesn’t need to drive there ..

I went to a talk at our high school by a driving instructor. He told us parents NEVER to push our child into driving. Let the child take the initiative. When the child is ready, they will ask to learn to drive. Wait for that.

This seems like the most reasonable advice in this thread

[Anonymous]

There's a big difference between forcing your kid to literally drive versus encouraging them, setting expectations, providing learning opportunities and making progress toward this goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read this whole thread, so sorry if I am retreading territory, but this is really sad.

Driving is a major milestone in kids being independent. After driving I saw my kids become more in touch with managing their own time, allowing for traffic, etc. They made more spontaneous social plans, autonomy about when they arrive and leave, more awareness of the geography around them, following directions, etc. A real jump in independence.

From what one of my kids told me, there are lots of messages kids are receiving on social media and in mandatory driving school about how dangerous driving is... it is obviously dangerous to drive, but I think the powers that be are over-shooting with these messages. No wonder kids who have the slightest bit of anxiety are reluctant to learn to drive.

The strategy that worked for my family for our reluctant drivers is lots of practice at off peak times with an ice cream cone thrown in. Lots of support and guidance from parent instructor. DC is a super hard place to drive relative to lots of other locations. Makes sense kids would need to practice more. But letting your kids be chauffered around by you just reinforces their fear, lets them be lazy and deprives them of an important milestone. (Obviously if you live in the city and your kid is bopping around on public transportation your situation is different.). If you live in the suburbs and can afford to have your kid drive, make it happen!

Only if you can afford a car, gas & insurance and live in the exburbs.

Very true. And still a major milestone if you live in the suburbs and have a care, insurance and gas.

Not in walkable inner suburbs like Bethesda & Arlington. Perhaps in Ashburn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is def more of a generational thing...I have a 21 year old in college and an 18 year old who is college bound this fall, and neither of them were in a hurry to drive. My 21 year old got a learners permit at 18, then a full drivers permit at 19.5. My 18 year old hasn't even gotten a learners permit yet, although my husband and I have been giving informal driving lessons for the last year...so the skills are (sort of) there.

I'm honestly more bothered by it then they are...lol. I begged my parents to take me to the dmv to get my lerner's permit when I was 15.9 months exactly! But my kids don't think it's that big a deal. We live in the city and they are both happy to take uber, metro, scooters, bikes or walk to where they need to go. They have friends who drive and will sometimes ride places with them, but they rarely ask us to drive them anywhere. The kid who is already in college is on a huge campus, but happily bikes around during the week and ubers or rides with friends on the weekends. My younger kid who is headed to college this fall isn't too concerned either...even tho the college campus is sprawling, they have a university bus system that shuttles students anywhere they need to go. Its so weird how things have changed so much around this...driving yourself around was a rite of passage when I was a teenager....go figure.

It’s called increasing urbanization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read this whole thread, so sorry if I am retreading territory, but this is really sad.

Driving is a major milestone in kids being independent. After driving I saw my kids become more in touch with managing their own time, allowing for traffic, etc. They made more spontaneous social plans, autonomy about when they arrive and leave, more awareness of the geography around them, following directions, etc. A real jump in independence.

From what one of my kids told me, there are lots of messages kids are receiving on social media and in mandatory driving school about how dangerous driving is... it is obviously dangerous to drive, but I think the powers that be are over-shooting with these messages. No wonder kids who have the slightest bit of anxiety are reluctant to learn to drive.

The strategy that worked for my family for our reluctant drivers is lots of practice at off peak times with an ice cream cone thrown in. Lots of support and guidance from parent instructor. DC is a super hard place to drive relative to lots of other locations. Makes sense kids would need to practice more. But letting your kids be chauffered around by you just reinforces their fear, lets them be lazy and deprives them of an important milestone. (Obviously if you live in the city and your kid is bopping around on public transportation your situation is different.). If you live in the suburbs and can afford to have your kid drive, make it happen!

I think you hit the nail on the head. There are so many messages abo0ut safety and dangers which is important, but it drives those already anxious over the edge. They even put smashed up vehicles at the kiss and ride as reminders about safety and not drinking. Important, but it even triggers my anxiety as a parent.

[Anonymous]

There some Tiktok trend saying COVID kids never learned or had a real Driver ed class so they don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness, now I know the origin story of the three completely hapless adults I know who can’t drive. Tell your son that there WILL come a day when his friends refuse to indulge him any more. I told one of DH’s college friends point blank after a few years of indulging her that no, we wouldn’t be picking her up from the Metro and giving her rides anymore, once Uber came out.

+1000

Gotta love all the lazy parents posting! The best, “Well, he just may live in cities his whole life.” Yes! That’s attractive. VERY UNLIKELY. Hey, John… why don’t you drive? Just don’t feel like it. Sexy!! He’s going to attract a winner of a partner that way. PP’s…striving to raise the lackluster adults of the next generation!

I don't need to drive anymore other than the occasional road trip. I'm 40; barely have driven since I was 18 and living in the suburbs. It isn't hard not to drive if you are moderately successful in life. If my kid doesn't want to drive, I don't really care. They can pick it up later in life if they want. If they want to live in the suburbs they can learn, if they want to live in the city; not clear why they need to waste time now. Plus learning to drive is the easiest way they will kill themselves. (look up the stats for teen boys, not good). Better they learn in their 20s from a professional and not me.

You sound super gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want to get my licenses in high school. I really dragged my feet due to anxiety. My husband ended up teaching me at the age of 24 in addition to formal driving instructors. Being a mom forced me to really start driving more so it worked out in the end. My mom was really worried I’d never drive. Though, my husband is really bothered by how long it took me to get a license and says he won’t let my daughter do the same thing that I did.

Good, because that’s very, very strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a safety issue - generally seems like teens should get licensed so if a situation came up where a driver was needed, they could do it. If their like works out so they hardly ever have to drive, great.

My view is the opposite. It dangerous for a young driver to not practice regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be 18 Senior refuses to practice driving this summer, let him?
He has taken the written test only.
We live in VA suburb and he is going to Boston for college in September, he said he doesn’t need to drive there ..

How is he getting around this summer? Next summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want to get my licenses in high school. I really dragged my feet due to anxiety. My husband ended up teaching me at the age of 24 in addition to formal driving instructors. Being a mom forced me to really start driving more so it worked out in the end. My mom was really worried I’d never drive. Though, my husband is really bothered by how long it took me to get a license and says he won’t let my daughter do the same thing that I did.

Good, because that’s very, very strange.

NP and nah, it’s not strange (anxiety is incredibly common, FFS) - and your extreme, judgmental response is what’s odd.

I went to college in nyc and stayed for many years; I did not drive, nor did my friends. I do now, because I moved to the suburbs, but if I had stayed in the city it would not have been necessary.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid with motor delays and LDs who will likely never drive; it wouldn’t be safe for her or other drivers on the road. I fear she’d kill someone. She lacks spatial awareness, common sense and motor planning skills. She plans to live in sn urban environment and utilize public transportation (and Uber when necessary).

The judgement on this thread is really unnerving. I’m hoping it’s just a DCUM thing.