Soon to be 18 Senior refuses to practice driving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. These posts astound me. I made my kids take the learner's permit test when they turned 15.5, had them drive me everywhere to get in their practice hours, and booked their BTW (includes final test for license) when they turned 16.

With that said, we live out in the Fairfax suburbs, and I am from Texas where cars (and lots and lots of pavement) reign supreme.

Your kids were somewhat willing. If you don't have kids who don't want to learn your advice isn't helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Heck, I would go so far as to tell my son that he gets a ton of “manliness points” for being able to drive!

When my DH hopped in our rented car in Italy and drove stick without batting an eye after like 20 years of driving an automatic, I will not lie, it suddenly made him more attractive.

Tell your daughters too. Age 25 I went on a friend (5 guys/5 girls) group trip to Costa Rica. I was the only girl that could drive stick shift bc I had an old jeep as a teen. When all the girls needed to go somewhere together they had to ask me and all the guys thought I was the coolest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. These posts astound me. I made my kids take the learner's permit test when they turned 15.5, had them drive me everywhere to get in their practice hours, and booked their BTW (includes final test for license) when they turned 16.

With that said, we live out in the Fairfax suburbs, and I am from Texas where cars (and lots and lots of pavement) reign supreme.

I’m the “Macho man” poster. Why are people like you so obsessed with cars & driving?

[Anonymous]

My DC did get their license at 17 after some prodding, but hasn’t driven since. Goes to a relatively suburban university and buys themselves $99.99/year Uber One subscription, takes public buses, walks places that most people would think are too far to walk to & bikes. Takes Amtrak and buses to and from college for breaks & plans to live in a large city after graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. These posts astound me. I made my kids take the learner's permit test when they turned 15.5, had them drive me everywhere to get in their practice hours, and booked their BTW (includes final test for license) when they turned 16.

With that said, we live out in the Fairfax suburbs, and I am from Texas where cars (and lots and lots of pavement) reign supreme.

Your kids were somewhat willing. If you don't have kids who don't want to learn your advice isn't helpful

PP here. I was not offering any advice; I was just offering my perspective. My kids actually weren't that excited about it... especially since I have a stick shift (my husband has an automatic, and they much preferred driving him around!)... but it was just expected in our household. If there was pushback, then I could see myself taking away their phone or something. Being able to drive makes our lives easier out here in the 'burbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. These posts astound me. I made my kids take the learner's permit test when they turned 15.5, had them drive me everywhere to get in their practice hours, and booked their BTW (includes final test for license) when they turned 16.

With that said, we live out in the Fairfax suburbs, and I am from Texas where cars (and lots and lots of pavement) reign supreme.

I’m the “Macho man” poster. Why are people like you so obsessed with cars & driving?

PP here. As I mentioned in my post, perhaps it is because I am from Texas where land is cheap and public transportation is not readily available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. These posts astound me. I made my kids take the learner's permit test when they turned 15.5, had them drive me everywhere to get in their practice hours, and booked their BTW (includes final test for license) when they turned 16.

With that said, we live out in the Fairfax suburbs, and I am from Texas where cars (and lots and lots of pavement) reign supreme.

Your kids were somewhat willing. If you don't have kids who don't want to learn your advice isn't helpful

PP here. I was not offering any advice; I was just offering my perspective. My kids actually weren't that excited about it... especially since I have a stick shift (my husband has an automatic, and they much preferred driving him around!)... but it was just expected in our household. If there was pushback, then I could see myself taking away their phone or something. Being able to drive makes our lives easier out here in the 'burbs.

If you read your first post the advice you gave was implied...which is ok. But your kids were willing or at least didn't want to sacrifice losing their phones/privileges.

Just offering another perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my goodness, now I know the origin story of the three completely hapless adults I know who can’t drive. Tell your son that there WILL come a day when his friends refuse to indulge him any more. I told one of DH’s college friends point blank after a few years of indulging her that no, we wouldn’t be picking her up from the Metro and giving her rides anymore, once Uber came out.

+1000

Gotta love all the lazy parents posting! The best, “Well, he just may live in cities his whole life.” Yes! That’s attractive. VERY UNLIKELY. Hey, John… why don’t you drive? Just don’t feel like it. Sexy!! He’s going to attract a winner of a partner that way. PP’s…striving to raise the lackluster adults of the next generation!

I don't need to drive anymore other than the occasional road trip. I'm 40; barely have driven since I was 18 and living in the suburbs. It isn't hard not to drive if you are moderately successful in life. If my kid doesn't want to drive, I don't really care. They can pick it up later in life if they want. If they want to live in the suburbs they can learn, if they want to live in the city; not clear why they need to waste time now. Plus learning to drive is the easiest way they will kill themselves. (look up the stats for teen boys, not good). Better they learn in their 20s from a professional and not me.

[Anonymous]

This is def more of a generational thing...I have a 21 year old in college and an 18 year old who is college bound this fall, and neither of them were in a hurry to drive. My 21 year old got a learners permit at 18, then a full drivers permit at 19.5. My 18 year old hasn't even gotten a learners permit yet, although my husband and I have been giving informal driving lessons for the last year...so the skills are (sort of) there.

I'm honestly more bothered by it then they are...lol. I begged my parents to take me to the dmv to get my lerner's permit when I was 15.9 months exactly! But my kids don't think it's that big a deal. We live in the city and they are both happy to take uber, metro, scooters, bikes or walk to where they need to go. They have friends who drive and will sometimes ride places with them, but they rarely ask us to drive them anywhere. The kid who is already in college is on a huge campus, but happily bikes around during the week and ubers or rides with friends on the weekends. My younger kid who is headed to college this fall isn't too concerned either...even tho the college campus is sprawling, they have a university bus system that shuttles students anywhere they need to go. Its so weird how things have changed so much around this...driving yourself around was a rite of passage when I was a teenager....go figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be 18 Senior refuses to practice driving this summer, let him?
He has taken the written test only.
We live in VA suburb and he is going to Boston for college in September, he said he doesn’t need to drive there ..

I went to a talk at our high school by a driving instructor. He told us parents NEVER to push our child into driving. Let the child take the initiative. When the child is ready, they will ask to learn to drive. Wait for that.

[Anonymous]

We refused to allow our kids to get their license until they turned 19. Statistically, they will be much safer if they get their license at 19 when they are more mature.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t want to get my licenses in high school. I really dragged my feet due to anxiety. My husband ended up teaching me at the age of 24 in addition to formal driving instructors. Being a mom forced me to really start driving more so it worked out in the end. My mom was really worried I’d never drive. Though, my husband is really bothered by how long it took me to get a license and says he won’t let my daughter do the same thing that I did.

[Anonymous]

He won’t need a car at college in Boston

[Anonymous]

I didn't read this whole thread, so sorry if I am retreading territory, but this is really sad.

Driving is a major milestone in kids being independent. After driving I saw my kids become more in touch with managing their own time, allowing for traffic, etc. They made more spontaneous social plans, autonomy about when they arrive and leave, more awareness of the geography around them, following directions, etc. A real jump in independence.

From what one of my kids told me, there are lots of messages kids are receiving on social media and in mandatory driving school about how dangerous driving is... it is obviously dangerous to drive, but I think the powers that be are over-shooting with these messages. No wonder kids who have the slightest bit of anxiety are reluctant to learn to drive.

The strategy that worked for my family for our reluctant drivers is lots of practice at off peak times with an ice cream cone thrown in. Lots of support and guidance from parent instructor. DC is a super hard place to drive relative to lots of other locations. Makes sense kids would need to practice more. But letting your kids be chauffered around by you just reinforces their fear, lets them be lazy and deprives them of an important milestone. (Obviously if you live in the city and your kid is bopping around on public transportation your situation is different.). If you live in the suburbs and can afford to have your kid drive, make it happen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read this whole thread, so sorry if I am retreading territory, but this is really sad.

Driving is a major milestone in kids being independent. After driving I saw my kids become more in touch with managing their own time, allowing for traffic, etc. They made more spontaneous social plans, autonomy about when they arrive and leave, more awareness of the geography around them, following directions, etc. A real jump in independence.

From what one of my kids told me, there are lots of messages kids are receiving on social media and in mandatory driving school about how dangerous driving is... it is obviously dangerous to drive, but I think the powers that be are over-shooting with these messages. No wonder kids who have the slightest bit of anxiety are reluctant to learn to drive.

The strategy that worked for my family for our reluctant drivers is lots of practice at off peak times with an ice cream cone thrown in. Lots of support and guidance from parent instructor. DC is a super hard place to drive relative to lots of other locations. Makes sense kids would need to practice more. But letting your kids be chauffered around by you just reinforces their fear, lets them be lazy and deprives them of an important milestone. (Obviously if you live in the city and your kid is bopping around on public transportation your situation is different.). If you live in the suburbs and can afford to have your kid drive, make it happen!

Only if you can afford a car, gas & insurance and live in the exburbs.