Soon to be 18 Senior refuses to practice driving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Might his reluctance be anxiety-related?

This was me but I would not admit it was that. How long is his learner’s permit good for?

Learner permit expires next summer

[Anonymous]

He's making excuses. He needs an ID. Do NOT just let him bum rides off of others!

Stop driving him completely until he begins to learn. Driving is also a way of helping others - running errands, etc.

[Anonymous]

Who’s going to want to date a man child like that? Driving is a basic adult skill in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teen son claims to not want to learn. I think he prefers to stare at his phone vs focusing on driving. To me, learning to drive is non-negotiable. But I get some teens may be reluctant for other reasons.

Same .. He is been busy on the phone, sleeping and dating (Walking distance)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who’s going to want to date a man child like that? Driving is a basic adult skill in the US.

Depends on what city you live in. Certainly, not in NYC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's making excuses. He needs an ID. Do NOT just let him bum rides off of others!

Stop driving him completely until he begins to learn. Driving is also a way of helping others - running errands, etc.

You can get a state id that is not a drivers license. My mom and dad no longer drive and have them.

[Anonymous]

Stop enabling him, OP. You've enabled him for almost 2 years! Why on earth are you driving him anyplace?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop enabling him, OP. You've enabled him for almost 2 years! Why on earth are you driving him anyplace?

OP still hasn’t stated if she’s willing to buy him a car + pay for gas & insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop enabling him, OP. You've enabled him for almost 2 years! Why on earth are you driving him anyplace?

OP still hasn’t stated if she’s willing to buy him a car + pay for gas & insurance.

Then once her son turns 18, he should move out and pay for his own needs - uber/lyft to get his own groceries. Uber/lyft to school, etc.

Being able to drive is a matter of contributing to the household and helping the family out.

[Anonymous]

I didn't care. My oldest didn't get his licenses until he was 21. My youngest is 18 and hasn't even learned to drive yet. My kids take public transportation wherever they need to go. I do make sure they go to the DMV for ID cards though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who’s going to want to date a man child like that? Driving is a basic adult skill in the US.

Depends on what city you live in. Certainly, not in NYC.

Please. Even my die hard NYC friends who grew up in Greenwich Village in the 70s know how to drive. Sometimes one must leave the city.

When you are 50 and your 18 year old needs to get to college in Vermont or whatever, are you planning to Uber there from Brooklyn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask him what would happen if he gets a summer job not in Boston that required a car? It is hard to get practice hours in once you go to college.

Why on earth would someone without a car take a job that required a car. C'mon people, use some common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask him what would happen if he gets a summer job not in Boston that required a car? It is hard to get practice hours in once you go to college.

Why on earth would someone without a car take a job that required a car. C'mon people, use some common sense.

Agree that pp's example isn't that great. But how's the adult kid getting to Boston? Flying? Driving with his stuff? You're telling me the parents will drive the 8-9 hours, and the 18 year old won't contribute to the drive at all??

A freshman would probably come home for the summer. In suburban VA, how's he getting to his summer job?

What's he doing all summer long, this summer? Does he expect mom and dad to drive him around everywhere all summer long?! Oh hell no.

How long will this continue?!

Make him grow up OP, stop enabling your adult child.

[Anonymous]

Inevitably, people who don’t know how to drive leech of those who do.

What if you want to take a trip to Hawaii and visit Volcanoes National park? What if you want to go skiing in Colorado? What if you want to go to a concert at Wolf Trap or Merriweather? Or camping in the Adirondacks?

My son went on a college outing club trip over spring break and they brought along 2 kids who couldn’t drive. They had to drive the van in shifts and they were all secretly annoyed at the 2 non drivers who didn’t pull their weight. Yeah, they all would have liked to sit in the passenger seat and scroll their phones too, but that wasn’t going to get them to Utah.

[Anonymous]

I have a younger teen who is generally rictant to learn new skills, especially real life ones. It looks very much like laziness but I think it is anxiety plus relatively poor menial skills in general.
However we all have a little bit of anxiety in us that stops us from doing new things or things we perceive as risky; those who don’t have it are more prone to get into risky situations.
I would sit him down and explain that DL ID is much cooler than just a regular ID, and that his driving experience for insurance purposes is generally calculated from the date he got his DL. I would just make it a non negotiable investment he has to make now.
He might actually like driving once he starts the lessons, especially if it’s not mom or dad teaching him but rather a professional (I would choose carefully also from a personality point of view). Buy him 5-10 lessons and then see how it goes?