Men, do you care if your wife puts effort into her appearance?

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of Prince Harry telling Meghan to go simple for first meeting with his family as his dad and grandma prefer Kate like simplicity not overdone looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay thin and in shape, but it doesn’t matter what you wear around the house. Any man would take that over a chunky woman who dresses up with makeup.

I am a woman and i was actually wondering! I have a friend who is obsessed with staying thin, yet she has weird bangs and a long ponytail, doesn’t cover her grays etc.
I thought she was wrong but you confirm her approach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of Prince Harry telling Meghan to go simple for first meeting with his family as his dad and grandma prefer Kate like simplicity not overdone looks.

The simple look requires the most skill and money though

[Anonymous]

I think men are simple. They care about makeup that makes a woman look “fresher”/brighter, slender figure, and clothes that underline/highlight the figure. That’s it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think men are simple. They care about makeup that makes a woman look “fresher”/brighter, slender figure, and clothes that underline/highlight the figure. That’s it!

Actually no, I forgot the waxing part

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH doesn’t comment either way. If I’m really working out and fit for me - no comment. I’ve gained 40 lbs in the last year - no comment. We have sex about 4x a week either way.

DH finds fit women who wear yoga pants very attractive. I never look good in yoga pants and don’t wear them. DH doesn’t say anything about the way I dress.

I don’t wear makeup or style hair at home or while running errands.

I think some men love their wives as people and don’t expect them to look like thin fitness models. Sure, they’d like it if it happens. But they aren’t breaking up their families over this.

I'm probably a lot like your DH. I simply don't comment on my wife's appearance. I think she looks good generally - sometimes better than others. But, for the most part, there is no upside to saying anything. If I compliment her, it doesn't count because "I have to say that." Or it's an argument ("You look great." -- "No I don't."). And there is always the potential for inadvertently stepping on a landmine.

Sorry about her body image issues, but there doesn't appear to be anything I can do to help; so I'll just avoid the subject.

[Anonymous]

Just a data point: I'm a man that doesn't automatically prefer thin or slim women. Give me hips and boobs and a pretty face.

If it's a choice between thin and morbidly obese, I'll probably take thin, but a woman with curves -- even if they come with some fat -- is very attractive to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As usual, a DCUM thread asking men what they think is mostly answered by women saying what they think men think or what they think men should think.

Yes, we care. But most likely we won't directly say anything about it unless you've gone downhill a long way. We know that if we say anything about you not looking nice, you'll get defensive and lash out at us.

because the forum skews towards women

And let’s not forget primarily white, educated women who have pronounced views on presenting in a way many women of color find normal: make-up, styled hair, vibrant figure displaying clothes. Many women here aspire to the Gwyneth Paltrow aesthetic- everything steam-cleaned of any garish types of ethnicity.

All true but there’s another gloss: New Englander. Lots of southern white women embrace colors, curlers, and makeup. And DCUM absolutely hates them and their aesthetic.

I’m from the PNW so this tension fascinates me.

I feel like there are way more southerners on here than New Englanders.

-New Yorker without a horse in this race

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay thin and in shape, but it doesn’t matter what you wear around the house. Any man would take that over a chunky woman who dresses up with makeup.

+1. Agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay thin and in shape, but it doesn’t matter what you wear around the house. Any man would take that over a chunky woman who dresses up with makeup.

+1. Agree with this.

+2

I am thin and athletic, and DH is all over me in fitted sweat pants, tank top, messy bun, no makeup. Doesn't really notice or care if I am done up. I have asked if it bothers him and he said he loves how I look in my lounge clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work from home and often fall into the trap of looking sloppy and not particularly put together. I don’t usually wear any makeup or do anything to my hair beyond putting it in a bun. Lately I’ve been trying to look a little nicer, I.e mascara, light eyeliner, blow drying my hair. DH didn’t seem to notice so I asked him and he said it honestly makes no difference to him. I wasn’t offended, he is affectionate either way, but I was surprised. Curious to hear if other men are the same way.

I’m the same as you- wfh, we have two young kids and very little time for ourselves. DH does not care about how much I weigh, how I dress or do my hair, but we do mutually care about basic hygiene and trying to be take care of our health.

He has always preferred me without makeup

[Anonymous]

I think you can get away with being frumpy in the US because the competition is generally weak. In other countries, men simply won't date you because there are better options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend wants me to be naturally pretty. The problem is, I'm not, so I've always put effort into my hair and makeup. That worked for him (i.e. he thought it was natural) before we lived together, but now that he sees me actually getting ready, I think it turns him off. So now what? I know he objectively prefers me done up; he just wants to think it's natural.

He either gets over it or you break up and find someone who finds you attractive as you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay thin and in shape, but it doesn’t matter what you wear around the house. Any man would take that over a chunky woman who dresses up with makeup.

Not all men like skinny minnies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IME being slim matters more than being made-up. Men really don't care about makeup on a day-to-day basis.

+1