Men, do you care if your wife puts effort into her appearance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As usual, a DCUM thread asking men what they think is mostly answered by women saying what they think men think or what they think men should think.

Yes, we care. But most likely we won't directly say anything about it unless you've gone downhill a long way. We know that if we say anything about you not looking nice, you'll get defensive and lash out at us.

because the forum skews towards women

And let’s not forget primarily white, educated women who have pronounced views on presenting in a way many women of color find normal: make-up, styled hair, vibrant figure displaying clothes. Many women here aspire to the Gwyneth Paltrow aesthetic- everything steam-cleaned of any garish types of ethnicity.

[Anonymous]

[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As usual, a DCUM thread asking men what they think is mostly answered by women saying what they think men think or what they think men should think.

Yes, we care. But most likely we won't directly say anything about it unless you've gone downhill a long way. We know that if we say anything about you not looking nice, you'll get defensive and lash out at us.

because the forum skews towards women

And let’s not forget primarily white, educated women who have pronounced views on presenting in a way many women of color find normal: make-up, styled hair, vibrant figure displaying clothes. Many women here aspire to the Gwyneth Paltrow aesthetic- everything steam-cleaned of any garish types of ethnicity.

All true but there’s another gloss: New Englander. Lots of southern white women embrace colors, curlers, and makeup. And DCUM absolutely hates them and their aesthetic.

I’m from the PNW so this tension fascinates me.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend wants me to be naturally pretty. The problem is, I'm not, so I've always put effort into my hair and makeup. That worked for him (i.e. he thought it was natural) before we lived together, but now that he sees me actually getting ready, I think it turns him off. So now what? I know he objectively prefers me done up; he just wants to think it's natural.

[Anonymous]

DH doesn’t comment either way. If I’m really working out and fit for me - no comment. I’ve gained 40 lbs in the last year - no comment. We have sex about 4x a week either way.

DH finds fit women who wear yoga pants very attractive. I never look good in yoga pants and don’t wear them. DH doesn’t say anything about the way I dress.

I don’t wear makeup or style hair at home or while running errands.

I think some men love their wives as people and don’t expect them to look like thin fitness models. Sure, they’d like it if it happens. But they aren’t breaking up their families over this.

[Anonymous]

I am a guy and I greatly appreciate my wife putting in hours and the gym to have a good body. Her grooming is important to me too. I reciprocate by keeping myself really fit, keep myself groomed, and not dressing like a bum.

Although we are busy, staying accountable to each other's physical preferences keeps our sex life pretty hot, which increases the happiness level in our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend wants me to be naturally pretty. The problem is, I'm not, so I've always put effort into my hair and makeup. That worked for him (i.e. he thought it was natural) before we lived together, but now that he sees me actually getting ready, I think it turns him off. So now what? I know he objectively prefers me done up; he just wants to think it's natural.

I personally don’t care for men with pronounced ideas about women’s attire/make-up. Everyone has preferences but he shouldn’t be so invested that you are getting turned off vibes. Make sure he is not showing signs of being a controlling arsehole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend wants me to be naturally pretty. The problem is, I'm not, so I've always put effort into my hair and makeup. That worked for him (i.e. he thought it was natural) before we lived together, but now that he sees me actually getting ready, I think it turns him off. So now what? I know he objectively prefers me done up; he just wants to think it's natural.

I personally don’t care for men with pronounced ideas about women’s attire/make-up. Everyone has preferences but he shouldn’t be so invested that you are getting turned off vibes. Make sure he is not showing signs of being a controlling arsehole.

Yep. He needs to keep his head down and keep quiet.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate that my wife looks put together/on 90% of the time. It was one of the things about her that I was attracted to most.

I have standards and open about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As usual, a DCUM thread asking men what they think is mostly answered by women saying what they think men think or what they think men should think.

Yes, we care. But most likely we won't directly say anything about it unless you've gone downhill a long way. We know that if we say anything about you not looking nice, you'll get defensive and lash out at us.

because the forum skews towards women

Skews towards women who can't resist the urge to talk even when other women don't want them to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH doesn’t comment either way. If I’m really working out and fit for me - no comment. I’ve gained 40 lbs in the last year - no comment. We have sex about 4x a week either way.

DH finds fit women who wear yoga pants very attractive. I never look good in yoga pants and don’t wear them. DH doesn’t say anything about the way I dress.

I don’t wear makeup or style hair at home or while running errands.

I think some men love their wives as people and don’t expect them to look like thin fitness models. [Yeah the same guy who thinks "I don't mind that she's not as thin as a fitness model" does not also think "I don't care that she put on 40lbs last year". He does care. He just doesn't know how to tell you about it. So I'll tell you: your diet is obviously terrible, put down the donuts, toots.] Sure, they’d like it if it happens. But they aren’t breaking up their families over this.

lol right now he's on reddit trying to get advice on how to get you to lose weight without having you bite his head off about it.

[Anonymous]

Effort in being clean, wearing clean clothes and proper grooming are all appreciated and noticed. I am not a fan of lots of make up or hair styles that require a lot of work. Waiting an hour for the wife to be able to go grab a bite gets annoying.

[Anonymous]

If she does, she does. If not, no big deal,

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn't care either way about make up. What he does notice is about my hair he doesn't like it when it gets way too long.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care what my husband thinks anymore. We barely have sex and I’m not interested in him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH doesn’t comment either way. If I’m really working out and fit for me - no comment. I’ve gained 40 lbs in the last year - no comment. We have sex about 4x a week either way.

DH finds fit women who wear yoga pants very attractive. I never look good in yoga pants and don’t wear them. DH doesn’t say anything about the way I dress.

I don’t wear makeup or style hair at home or while running errands.

I think some men love their wives as people and don’t expect them to look like thin fitness models. [Yeah the same guy who thinks "I don't mind that she's not as thin as a fitness model" does not also think "I don't care that she put on 40lbs last year". He does care. He just doesn't know how to tell you about it. So I'll tell you: your diet is obviously terrible, put down the donuts, toots.] Sure, they’d like it if it happens. But they aren’t breaking up their families over this.

lol right now he's on reddit trying to get advice on how to get you to lose weight without having you bite his head off about it.

He probably cares, but he doesn’t treat me any differently. I don’t really see the point of busting my butt in the gym and forgoing dessert- DH doesn’t comment when I’m fit or fat.