My ex is marrying AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard, not gonna lie. Just acknowledge that it hurts, that it’s unfair, and that they suck, and then try not to dwell in it. They aren’t your problem anymore.

For what it is worth, I was married 17 years when my ex had an affair with his admin assistant. They recently bought a house together and plan to get married. It hasn’t been easy for them… his family STRONGLY disapproved of his actions, and have continued to keep me in their lives to the extent that whatever my ex was going to get from my in-laws in their will, they advised me that they changed it to that I will get half of whatever he would have gotten. My former sister and brother in law still invite me on family vacations, and all of my ex’s aunts and uncles regularly reach out to me and make a big deal about welcoming me at big events (weddings, funerals, etc.). That’s made things hard for my ex and I imagine awkward for his affair partner.

Of course I don’t attend everything I’m invited to, but I guess this just goes to show that it’s not all rainbows and unicorns for the new couple. Some people will NEVER accept them.

As for the kids… my kids are older, and my oldest was old enough to understand that dad had a girlfriend immediately after we separated, and that dad’s girlfriend was the admin assistant he’d met a million times before. He put 2 and 2 together, and now he barely wants to even interact with his dad at all, ever. It’s sad, really.

Just hold your head high, throw yourself into your new life and live your best life.

Hey, it's your job, mom, to encourage child to value dad and want to see dad, regardless of what he did to you.

You sound ridiculous. Not her job at all. His relationship with his children is HIS responsibility only.

It is OP’s job not to actively hinder the dad having a relationship with his kids, but few angry ex wives are capable of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard, not gonna lie. Just acknowledge that it hurts, that it’s unfair, and that they suck, and then try not to dwell in it. They aren’t your problem anymore.

For what it is worth, I was married 17 years when my ex had an affair with his admin assistant. They recently bought a house together and plan to get married. It hasn’t been easy for them… his family STRONGLY disapproved of his actions, and have continued to keep me in their lives to the extent that whatever my ex was going to get from my in-laws in their will, they advised me that they changed it to that I will get half of whatever he would have gotten. My former sister and brother in law still invite me on family vacations, and all of my ex’s aunts and uncles regularly reach out to me and make a big deal about welcoming me at big events (weddings, funerals, etc.). That’s made things hard for my ex and I imagine awkward for his affair partner.

Of course I don’t attend everything I’m invited to, but I guess this just goes to show that it’s not all rainbows and unicorns for the new couple. Some people will NEVER accept them.

As for the kids… my kids are older, and my oldest was old enough to understand that dad had a girlfriend immediately after we separated, and that dad’s girlfriend was the admin assistant he’d met a million times before. He put 2 and 2 together, and now he barely wants to even interact with his dad at all, ever. It’s sad, really.

Just hold your head high, throw yourself into your new life and live your best life.

Hey, it's your job, mom, to encourage child to value dad and want to see dad, regardless of what he did to you.

The child is not a toddler. OP said kid is older. Teenagers generally resent being told what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married to my AP for 10 years now and two kids together. Life is wonderful

I think your kids will really respect you both.

[Anonymous]

I’m sure the AP only ever lied to her ex spouse, NEVER her new one!!! And she also believes that her new hubby only ever lies to his ex wife, but NEVER her. 🙄🙄🙄

[Anonymous]

Men won't give up something unless they have something else. In cases where they don't, the marriage was truly hell.

Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married to my AP for 10 years now and two kids together. Life is wonderful

Yuck, coming on here to boast is not a good look.

I'm not defending adultery, but there's so much vitriol against cheating on this board, it's only natural some posters will go to the other extreme.
You get what you deserve, each side, by being obnoxiously extreme. Extreme morality is just as off-putting as extreme vices.

And yes, of course some unions that started out in the shadows will last the distance. A lot won't. Everyone knows that.

OP, it's normal to feel resentful. Try not to think about them, and take care of yourself, physically and mentally. Best wishes to you!

Lol being against adultery is basic morality not extreme morality.

[Anonymous]

Some of the posters on here make it obvious why their wayward spouses cheated on them in the first place.

Who the hell could possibly live or be happy with some of you? Now you're doing your damnedest to punish everyone by keeping your kids in a bitter and angry state, too. I guess you'll have to deal with your troubled, underachieving children by yourselves after your ex-spouses have been alienated. Good luck with all that.

[Anonymous]

….or, don’t engage in behaviors that will make your children hate you. Don’t expect people you hurt to be complicit in your lies. News flash… not everything is about YOU. The entire world doesnt revolve around you and your happiness. If you cared so much about your kids, you would have gotten divorced rather than put them through the much, much messier emotional trauma of adultery.

[Anonymous]

the emotional trauma of adultery... lmfao

Jesus Christ. I had a friend in high school whose father embezzled money and went to prison for years. Dishonesty, theft, public humiliation, moral failure, etc -- but my friend still loved his father because THAT'S HIS DAD. Some people have war in their country. Some people had their lives destroyed by earthquakes, hurricanes, or tornadoes. Some people lost loved ones to covid.

One parent cheating on another which results in a divorce is NOTHING on the life spectrum. So your spouse decided to leave you for another person: big effing deal. It's not homicide. Grow up and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the emotional trauma of adultery... lmfao

Jesus Christ. I had a friend in high school whose father embezzled money and went to prison for years. Dishonesty, theft, public humiliation, moral failure, etc -- but my friend still loved his father because THAT'S HIS DAD. Some people have war in their country. Some people had their lives destroyed by earthquakes, hurricanes, or tornadoes. Some people lost loved ones to covid.

One parent cheating on another which results in a divorce is NOTHING on the life spectrum. So your spouse decided to leave you for another person: big effing deal. It's not homicide. Grow up and move on.

+1
I feel the same way and I am a married woman with three kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the emotional trauma of adultery... lmfao

Jesus Christ. I had a friend in high school whose father embezzled money and went to prison for years. Dishonesty, theft, public humiliation, moral failure, etc -- but my friend still loved his father because THAT'S HIS DAD. Some people have war in their country. Some people had their lives destroyed by earthquakes, hurricanes, or tornadoes. Some people lost loved ones to covid.

One parent cheating on another which results in a divorce is NOTHING on the life spectrum. So your spouse decided to leave you for another person: big effing deal. It's not homicide. Grow up and move on.

Of course you Still love your parent. You have to separate the deed from the doer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the emotional trauma of adultery... lmfao

Jesus Christ. I had a friend in high school whose father embezzled money and went to prison for years. Dishonesty, theft, public humiliation, moral failure, etc -- but my friend still loved his father because THAT'S HIS DAD. Some people have war in their country. Some people had their lives destroyed by earthquakes, hurricanes, or tornadoes. Some people lost loved ones to covid.

One parent cheating on another which results in a divorce is NOTHING on the life spectrum. So your spouse decided to leave you for another person: big effing deal. It's not homicide. Grow up and move on.

+1
I feel the same way and I am a married woman with three kids.

There is such a lack of empathy to label adultery as “nothing on the life spectrum.” That’s just a callous disregard for the feelings of someone who had been promised fidelity. I haven’t lived it but I can completely understand the pain that would cause in a marriage.

- Another married woman with three kids

[Anonymous]

That’s just the thing…. You don’t get to decide how your kids will react. You don’t get to decide if your kids will hate you or not. You don’t have a say in that. You can mock them for hating you and explain to them that other people in the world have experienced such worse trauma. Good luck with that approach. Or …. you could acknowledge to your kids that you made a terrible decision, regret how your actions hurt them, and realize that you could and should have handled the situation differently. It’s shocking how far a genuine apology will go with kids. Of course, sticking to your guns by defending your actions, attacking the people who feel hurt by you, and claiming that really YOU are the victim is always a safe bet that won’t get you anywhere, but hey…. You don’t have to admit you were wrong!

One of my kids refuses to have anything to do with has dad. He is extremely angry at his dad for what he did, because like most kids he interprets everything through a very self centered lens. He feels like his dad left HIM, that his dad chose this other woman and her kids over him. This is something that he only articulated after years of therapy.

Before you go blaming this on me somehow, our other child is totally fine. Seems unbothered by the divorce and circumstances surrounding it, is fine with 50-50 custody, genuinely seems to be well adjusted and accepting of everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard, not gonna lie. Just acknowledge that it hurts, that it’s unfair, and that they suck, and then try not to dwell in it. They aren’t your problem anymore.

For what it is worth, I was married 17 years when my ex had an affair with his admin assistant. They recently bought a house together and plan to get married. It hasn’t been easy for them… his family STRONGLY disapproved of his actions, and have continued to keep me in their lives to the extent that whatever my ex was going to get from my in-laws in their will, they advised me that they changed it to that I will get half of whatever he would have gotten. My former sister and brother in law still invite me on family vacations, and all of my ex’s aunts and uncles regularly reach out to me and make a big deal about welcoming me at big events (weddings, funerals, etc.). That’s made things hard for my ex and I imagine awkward for his affair partner.

Of course I don’t attend everything I’m invited to, but I guess this just goes to show that it’s not all rainbows and unicorns for the new couple. Some people will NEVER accept them.

As for the kids… my kids are older, and my oldest was old enough to understand that dad had a girlfriend immediately after we separated, and that dad’s girlfriend was the admin assistant he’d met a million times before. He put 2 and 2 together, and now he barely wants to even interact with his dad at all, ever. It’s sad, really.

Just hold your head high, throw yourself into your new life and live your best life.

Hey, it's your job, mom, to encourage child to value dad and want to see dad, regardless of what he did to you.

That’s mom’s job? What’s dad’s job? Any advice for him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the emotional trauma of adultery... lmfao

Jesus Christ. I had a friend in high school whose father embezzled money and went to prison for years. Dishonesty, theft, public humiliation, moral failure, etc -- but my friend still loved his father because THAT'S HIS DAD. Some people have war in their country. Some people had their lives destroyed by earthquakes, hurricanes, or tornadoes. Some people lost loved ones to covid.

One parent cheating on another which results in a divorce is NOTHING on the life spectrum. So your spouse decided to leave you for another person: big effing deal. It's not homicide. Grow up and move on.

If there is a God, your spouse will cheat on you and you will have to live with the NOTHING you think it is. Just from the way you write, you sound like a vile and soulless person who deserves to live through what you think is no “big effing deal”. I am stunned there are so many truly horrible and insensitive people out there.