My ex is marrying AP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard, not gonna lie. Just acknowledge that it hurts, that it’s unfair, and that they suck, and then try not to dwell in it. They aren’t your problem anymore.

For what it is worth, I was married 17 years when my ex had an affair with his admin assistant. They recently bought a house together and plan to get married. It hasn’t been easy for them… his family STRONGLY disapproved of his actions, and have continued to keep me in their lives to the extent that whatever my ex was going to get from my in-laws in their will, they advised me that they changed it to that I will get half of whatever he would have gotten. My former sister and brother in law still invite me on family vacations, and all of my ex’s aunts and uncles regularly reach out to me and make a big deal about welcoming me at big events (weddings, funerals, etc.). That’s made things hard for my ex and I imagine awkward for his affair partner.

Of course I don’t attend everything I’m invited to, but I guess this just goes to show that it’s not all rainbows and unicorns for the new couple. Some people will NEVER accept them.

As for the kids… my kids are older, and my oldest was old enough to understand that dad had a girlfriend immediately after we separated, and that dad’s girlfriend was the admin assistant he’d met a million times before. He put 2 and 2 together, and now he barely wants to even interact with his dad at all, ever. It’s sad, really.

Just hold your head high, throw yourself into your new life and live your best life.

Hey, it's your job, mom, to encourage child to value dad and want to see dad, regardless of what he did to you.

No. Not really. Unless the dad is Donald Trump and the kids are jockeying to get a share of his corrupt pie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard, not gonna lie. Just acknowledge that it hurts, that it’s unfair, and that they suck, and then try not to dwell in it. They aren’t your problem anymore.

For what it is worth, I was married 17 years when my ex had an affair with his admin assistant. They recently bought a house together and plan to get married. It hasn’t been easy for them… his family STRONGLY disapproved of his actions, and have continued to keep me in their lives to the extent that whatever my ex was going to get from my in-laws in their will, they advised me that they changed it to that I will get half of whatever he would have gotten. My former sister and brother in law still invite me on family vacations, and all of my ex’s aunts and uncles regularly reach out to me and make a big deal about welcoming me at big events (weddings, funerals, etc.). That’s made things hard for my ex and I imagine awkward for his affair partner.

Of course I don’t attend everything I’m invited to, but I guess this just goes to show that it’s not all rainbows and unicorns for the new couple. Some people will NEVER accept them.

As for the kids… my kids are older, and my oldest was old enough to understand that dad had a girlfriend immediately after we separated, and that dad’s girlfriend was the admin assistant he’d met a million times before. He put 2 and 2 together, and now he barely wants to even interact with his dad at all, ever. It’s sad, really.

Just hold your head high, throw yourself into your new life and live your best life.

Hey, it's your job, mom, to encourage child to value dad and want to see dad, regardless of what he did to you.

You sound ridiculous. Not her job at all. His relationship with his children is HIS responsibility only.

[Anonymous]

You know the man way better than she does so you know exactly the type of husband she's getting. There's been several threads on whether these 2nd marriages to AP's last, but there's a strong chance it won't. My ex-H's swore up and down she was about to be his new wife. She even told me that. They only lasted a couple years, as far as I know he never even proposed.

[Anonymous]

We know a couple like this. I wouldn’t say they are in a happy marriage but they are still together. It’s been about 13 years.

[Anonymous]

Hey, it's your job, mom, to encourage child to value dad and want to see dad, regardless of what he did to you.

Hey cheater - nope! It's your job to act with integrity so that your kids can respect you and want to have a relationship with you. You should have expected that your kids won't be too happy when you hurt their mom. Mom's job is not to trash talk dad - but if kid concludes on his own that his dad is a selfish liar and he doesn't want to associate with that type, that's up to the kid.

[Anonymous]

Take the high road, don’t waste energy on him or the ap. Eventually, people forget and of course wont care. Time ticks by so quickly, don’t spend the time with negativity. Encourage your children and do not put them in the middle. They will never forget how their parents act toward each other, best not to make them feel uncomfortable. Be the bigger person on this, you will be glad you were for the sake of the children - their well being is what is important and do know that it will get easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is hard, not gonna lie. Just acknowledge that it hurts, that it’s unfair, and that they suck, and then try not to dwell in it. They aren’t your problem anymore.

For what it is worth, I was married 17 years when my ex had an affair with his admin assistant. They recently bought a house together and plan to get married. It hasn’t been easy for them… his family STRONGLY disapproved of his actions, and have continued to keep me in their lives to the extent that whatever my ex was going to get from my in-laws in their will, they advised me that they changed it to that I will get half of whatever he would have gotten. My former sister and brother in law still invite me on family vacations, and all of my ex’s aunts and uncles regularly reach out to me and make a big deal about welcoming me at big events (weddings, funerals, etc.). That’s made things hard for my ex and I imagine awkward for his affair partner.

Of course I don’t attend everything I’m invited to, but I guess this just goes to show that it’s not all rainbows and unicorns for the new couple. Some people will NEVER accept them.

As for the kids… my kids are older, and my oldest was old enough to understand that dad had a girlfriend immediately after we separated, and that dad’s girlfriend was the admin assistant he’d met a million times before. He put 2 and 2 together, and now he barely wants to even interact with his dad at all, ever. It’s sad, really.

Just hold your head high, throw yourself into your new life and live your best life.

Hey, it's your job, mom, to encourage child to value dad and want to see dad, regardless of what he did to you.

No. Not really. Unless the dad is Donald Trump and the kids are jockeying to get a share of his corrupt pie.

WTF? Parents should not malign each other. But it is not a mom's JOB to encourage a child to value and want to see their had, her ex, especially if he cheated on her!! It's on DAD to build a good relationship.

[Anonymous]

Don’t waste any additional energy/emotion on them. They have already taken enough from you. No more. Live the best, healthiest life you can, continue to be a good remodel for your kids. Remember, you don’t have to live with a man with such poor character and decision making. Staying in a marriage with that type of person just lets the bile build up that erodes your physical and emotional health over time. Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

She’s probably a freak in the sheets! Good for him to trade up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s probably a freak in the sheets! Good for him to trade up.

Why ruin that by getting married?

[Anonymous]

I have an older cousin who had an affair with a married man. She was 18/19 at the time and he was in his early 30s and had two kids.

Everyone in both families were understandably horrified and outraged. There was ZERO support for the marriage from my aunt and uncle as they thought my cousin was out of her mind.

Despite that, he eventually divorced his wife and married my cousin. They had three kids together. They've been married more than 40 years now. Their kids are all doing fine and they have many grandchildren. The husband still maintains his relationship with his kids from first marriage.

I know this situation is about as rare as hen's teeth but it does go to show that sometimes it works out.

[Anonymous]

^ Op, the point here is to let it go and move on with your OWN life. Eventually, whatever happens to your ex and his AP is on them and beyond your control - be it success or failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They'll probably cheat on the new spouse too.

I just read a quote today on that - when the mistress becomes the wife, her position opens up.

Love this one!

You have won OP. She is the one who should worry now...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s probably a freak in the sheets! Good for him to trade up.

Do you realize how messed up your priorities you are?

But I hope you wind up with someone exactly like you deserve.

(Warning: a relatively small portion of your life is spent between the sheets dummy!)

[Anonymous]

I've been married to my AP for 10 years now and two kids together. Life is wonderful