Caucasian son is dating an Indian girl he met in college. A few questions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound well-meaning, but why can’t you ask your son these questions? You don’t even know if she’s Indian (born and raised in India) vs Indian-American (born and raised in US to parents from India)?

I thought it might seem sort of retrograde to inquire about 'where was she born' or subject me to (playful) ridicule. The white American parents who ask where a non-white potential daughter in law was born, especially if she was born in say Dallas, you know what I mean? Fairly sure she was born in the U.S., so Indian-American. I suspect her parents were not born in the U.S. So, I'm sorry for my misuse of Indian, when it seems Indian-American should have been used.

People ask where people are from all the time and "America" is not the usual answer. It could be Dallas or it could be New Delhi. It's just a question. Same as where did she grow up, go to school, what does she like to do, etc.?

Its just a question for some but a trigger for others. People who are born and raised here, don't like this question because it says you look foreign, where are you originally from. They don't have any other place they can claim because countries of their immigrant parents are foreign to them, even though everyone tries to tie them to those places because of their looks. It's complicated and you should be sensitive about it.

Exactly.
Don't ask "where are you from" to a person of color. Ask other things: how did you choose Medicine, what do you like about the town you live in, what do you like to do in your free time?
The things you want to know will naturally come in conversation. Don't force it.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you watched the movie You People on Netflix? It's homework on what not to do.
Highly recommend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you watched the movie You People on Netflix? It's homework on what not to do.
Highly recommend it.

100%. A must watch.

[Anonymous]

What do the children of a white blue-eyed father and Indian-American mum look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do the children of a white blue-eyed father and Indian-American mum look like?

Lol, I think this is a troll, but I will say: they look perfect. (This is my daughter).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do the children of a white blue-eyed father and Indian-American mum look like?

Lol, I think this is a troll, but I will say: they look perfect. (This is my daughter).

Are there any famous examples of this to Google?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do the children of a white blue-eyed father and Indian-American mum look like?

Lol, I think this is a troll, but I will say: they look perfect. (This is my daughter).

Are there any famous examples of this to Google?

Please be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aww, precious OP.

It really depends. All Indian families are not the same.

Is she first generation American or was she born in India?

What do her parents do for a living?

It's interesting that your son hasn't had you meet her yet.

Has he met her family?

We do not live near them. I'm not sure if he's met her parents, I have not asked. Only in recent weeks did it really click to me how serious they are about each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do the children of a white blue-eyed father and Indian-American mum look like?

Lol, I think this is a troll, but I will say: they look perfect. (This is my daughter).

Are there any famous examples of this to Google?

Please be a troll.

What is wrong with being curious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do the children of a white blue-eyed father and Indian-American mum look like?

Lol, I think this is a troll, but I will say: they look perfect. (This is my daughter).

Are there any famous examples of this to Google?

Serena Pitt from the bachelor comes to mind.

[Anonymous]

Give them time and they will breakup.
Did you marry your college boyfriend?
Probably not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound well-meaning, but why can’t you ask your son these questions? You don’t even know if she’s Indian (born and raised in India) vs Indian-American (born and raised in US to parents from India)?

I thought it might seem sort of retrograde to inquire about 'where was she born' or subject me to (playful) ridicule. The white American parents who ask where a non-white potential daughter in law was born, especially if she was born in say Dallas, you know what I mean? Fairly sure she was born in the U.S., so Indian-American. I suspect her parents were not born in the U.S. So, I'm sorry for my misuse of Indian, when it seems Indian-American should have been used.

People ask where people are from all the time and "America" is not the usual answer. It could be Dallas or it could be New Delhi. It's just a question. Same as where did she grow up, go to school, what does she like to do, etc.?

Its just a question for some but a trigger for others. People who are born and raised here, don't like this question because it says you look foreign, where are you originally from. They don't have any other place they can claim because countries of their immigrant parents are foreign to them, even though everyone tries to tie them to those places because of their looks. It's complicated and you should be sensitive about it.

Not true.

I'm a first gen American; born and raised.

People ask if I'm "from the area" all the time. DC is known for transplants. I was born in Houston so fair question. I don't assume they think I'm not American.
I have a number of family members and friends who are also first gen. It's not the question but how you ask it.

It's not complicated at all unless you make it complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s hard to say OP because not all families are the same.

There is a huge amount of diversity of culture, languages, customs, religions, etc in India. Then again even within different groups, people are different in their family values and expectations.

Go in with a supportive and accepting mindset and try not to have any preconceived notions from the onset.

I figured that and that was actually another one of my questions: How can you tell what her family's customs are? Is her surname any clue? I can see her Facebook and they both post a lot of photos with each other, so I'm assuming her parents and family know of this relationship.

OP, I don’t mean to be jerky but why not open a conversation with your son about the actual woman at issue? You are not going to learn anything definitive, and therefore, of particular value on this kind of general anonymous message board.

OP, I am the girl who married your son and it was an epic disaster - because of his parents. They were Jewish, ironically, and hated my culture.

On the other hand, my parents love him. You sound like a nice person who wants to make this work so I think this could be really cool for both your families. The first question is how westernized your future DIL is. It’s a great sign she is in pics on Facebook etc because this means the whole extended fam can see. It’s a bit of a status symbol too to marry a rich white guy because your kids will be fair. Sucks but it helps with the aunties.

They will pay for the wedding. They will spend tons. If you’re cool with her culture being the priority, they will pay for everything and treat you like guests of honor. I’d just roll with it.

You said it's a status symbol to marry a (rich) white guy, but other posts suggest Indian-American parents want their daughter to marry an Indian-American guy. Can you and or others expand on this? I also don't understand the above reference to aunties.

[Anonymous]

Let's talk about the elephant in the room.
Your son has a girlfriend. You think he will soon propose, but you have never met her and your son has never introduced her to you?
You are afraid to ask your son about her because you feel like he may think you are racist?

You have a communication problem with your son. Take care of it first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's talk about the elephant in the room.
Your son has a girlfriend. You think he will soon propose, but you have never met her and your son has never introduced her to you?
You are afraid to ask your son about her because you feel like he may think you are racist?

You have a communication problem with your son. Take care of it first.

I don't know how soon, so maybe that was a poor choice of words. But I can envision him proposing and they are both at that age when this tends to happen. We have not met her, true, but they live very far away and both have very busy schedules, and my husband and I still work. Not because it's some secret or anything like that. We have chatted with him and her on FaceTime. They seem to spend every weekend together.