In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

[Anonymous]

Sound like the inlaws are staying in your house?

I'd probably tell them you're happy to have Christmas brunch with just immediate family and that you can make a reservation for them elsewhere if the prefer.

I'd also tell the neighbors that Carol and Bob are jerks, be prepared, lol, sorry.

[Anonymous]

I would make sure to say that your neighbor and his son are invited and coming to dinner. I would also say that if they cannot behave politely to the guests that they should stay home and come visit some other time. They are more than welcome to reschedule to a time when they can come without seeing the neighbors.

If they are religious or at least religious for Christmas, you can add that in the spirit of Christmas and honoring Christ, that you are doing what Jesus would and helping to feed those less fortunate that you and that you feel that it is an important part of Christmas. I find that sanctimonious people like your in-laws are often pseudo-religious, in that they believe in those tenets of Christianity that favor the mainstream and not any of the other parts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will be our first Christmas in our new house. We invited my parents and my in laws to come for dinner. They live several hours away, so they will be staying with us for a few days. I invited a neighbor to come to Christmas dinner and bring his children. This man is a single father and doesn't really have a lot of money. We often take him groceries or just ask "hey do you need anything from costco?" when we are on the way there and we refuse to accept any reimbursement.

I told my in laws today that it will be 13 people for Christmas dinner. They wanted to know where the extra people were coming from. I told them that I invited our neighbor and they pitched a fit. They totally flipped out about inviting him and said that this isn't a soup kitchen. Honestly, I'd rather have me neighbor and his well behaved kids over than them at this point. How can I best resolve this without drama?

Have you told your MIL about your "charity"?

Yes, this. OP I’m not sure why you felt the need to tell us about buying things and not asking for reimbursement. Sounds like you’ve told your in laws about this. A lot of patting yourself on the back while humiliating your neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wtf? Are they going to make nasty comments to this man and his children all night too? Would also consider uninviting.

OP here,

honestly, this is part of my concern. My DH has already spoken to them and made it clear that it was a joint decision for us to invite the neighbors and that they are to be polite. They argued with him about how if they wanted to eat dinner "with a bunch of strangers", they would have gone to a restaurant.

Send them a gift certificate and restaurant reservation for Christmas dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will be our first Christmas in our new house. We invited my parents and my in laws to come for dinner. They live several hours away, so they will be staying with us for a few days. I invited a neighbor to come to Christmas dinner and bring his children. This man is a single father and doesn't really have a lot of money. We often take him groceries or just ask "hey do you need anything from costco?" when we are on the way there and we refuse to accept any reimbursement.

I told my in laws today that it will be 13 people for Christmas dinner. They wanted to know where the extra people were coming from. I told them that I invited our neighbor and they pitched a fit. They totally flipped out about inviting him and said that this isn't a soup kitchen. Honestly, I'd rather have me neighbor and his well behaved kids over than them at this point. How can I best resolve this without drama?

Have you told your MIL about your "charity"?

Yes, this. OP I’m not sure why you felt the need to tell us about buying things and not asking for reimbursement. Sounds like you’ve told your in laws about this. A lot of patting yourself on the back while humiliating your neighbor.

You really should learn to read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Uninvite now OP. Someone who is willing to be so breathtakingly and boldly rude will not be shy about making your guests uncomfortable. I promise you that. Don’t subject this poor man and his family to your in-laws. You will not be a gracious host if you do.

+1

Your MIL will be horrid to your neighbors. I would just I rescind the invite now.

Why are you leaving fil out? He is being a jerk too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will be our first Christmas in our new house. We invited my parents and my in laws to come for dinner. They live several hours away, so they will be staying with us for a few days. I invited a neighbor to come to Christmas dinner and bring his children. This man is a single father and doesn't really have a lot of money. We often take him groceries or just ask "hey do you need anything from costco?" when we are on the way there and we refuse to accept any reimbursement.

I told my in laws today that it will be 13 people for Christmas dinner. They wanted to know where the extra people were coming from. I told them that I invited our neighbor and they pitched a fit. They totally flipped out about inviting him and said that this isn't a soup kitchen. Honestly, I'd rather have me neighbor and his well behaved kids over than them at this point. How can I best resolve this without drama?

Have you told your MIL about your "charity"?

Yes, this. OP I’m not sure why you felt the need to tell us about buying things and not asking for reimbursement. Sounds like you’ve told your in laws about this. A lot of patting yourself on the back while humiliating your neighbor.

I’ve already stated that I didn’t tell them. I included it in the post so that anyone reassign would understand the background context of why I want to invite the neighbor. Why would he be humiliated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will be our first Christmas in our new house. We invited my parents and my in laws to come for dinner. They live several hours away, so they will be staying with us for a few days. I invited a neighbor to come to Christmas dinner and bring his children. This man is a single father and doesn't really have a lot of money. We often take him groceries or just ask "hey do you need anything from costco?" when we are on the way there and we refuse to accept any reimbursement.

I told my in laws today that it will be 13 people for Christmas dinner. They wanted to know where the extra people were coming from. I told them that I invited our neighbor and they pitched a fit. They totally flipped out about inviting him and said that this isn't a soup kitchen. Honestly, I'd rather have me neighbor and his well behaved kids over than them at this point. How can I best resolve this without drama?

Have you told your MIL about your "charity"?

Yes, this. OP I’m not sure why you felt the need to tell us about buying things and not asking for reimbursement. Sounds like you’ve told your in laws about this. A lot of patting yourself on the back while humiliating your neighbor.

I’ve already stated that I didn’t tell them. I included it in the post so that anyone reassign would understand the background context of why I want to invite the neighbor. Why would he be humiliated?

Because you are announcing to everyone that you are treating him like a charity. It’s fine to give groceries, etc, but then to announce it is gross!!

[Anonymous]

Obviously, you need to be clear with your in laws that you expect them to be polite to any guests in your home, and they have ZERO to do with who you invite into your home. Sounds like major boundary issues.

I'm wondering if they intended to drop a bombshell at the gathering and now are feeling awkward about it. Like a major health diagnosis? If this is out of character for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We haven’t told anyone that we help him out. I told them that he would be spending the holiday alone with his kids, so i asked him to come over.

I would be humiliated if someone implied that I couldn't provide Christmas for my kids, or that being alone with my kids wasn't good enough for them. Does he know you're inviting him because you feel sorry and not because you enjoy his company?

-- single parent

[Anonymous]

OP, you said 13 people would be there for dinner. Assuming you and your spouse have two kids, that is four people. Plus OP's parents makes 6 people. Plus OP's in law parents makes 8 people. Let's assume the neighbor dad has two kids. That makes 11 people. Who are the other two people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said 13 people would be there for dinner. Assuming you and your spouse have two kids, that is four people. Plus OP's parents makes 6 people. Plus OP's in law parents makes 8 people. Let's assume the neighbor dad has two kids. That makes 11 people. Who are the other two people?

Why are you assuming? They could both have 3 kids. Maybe one parent has 1 child and the other has 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We haven’t told anyone that we help him out. I told them that he would be spending the holiday alone with his kids, so i asked him to come over.

I would be humiliated if someone implied that I couldn't provide Christmas for my kids, or that being alone with my kids wasn't good enough for them. Does he know you're inviting him because you feel sorry and not because you enjoy his company?

-- single parent

Of course we enjoy his company. We were talking the other day and he said he misses big home cooked christmases. I invited him over. I’m not sure why this is such a point of contention.

Additionally, We haven’t told anyone that we help him out. I only mentioned it in the OP so that people wouldn’t ask “why are you inviting this random guy??”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

We haven’t told anyone that we help him out. I told them that he would be spending the holiday alone with his kids, so i asked him to come over.

I would be humiliated if someone implied that I couldn't provide Christmas for my kids, or that being alone with my kids wasn't good enough for them. Does he know you're inviting him because you feel sorry and not because you enjoy his company?

-- single parent

Of course we enjoy his company. We were talking the other day and he said he misses big home cooked christmases. I invited him over. I’m not sure why this is such a point of contention.

Additionally, We haven’t told anyone that we help him out. I only mentioned it in the OP so that people wouldn’t ask “why are you inviting this random guy??”

I quoted you saying that you told your in laws that you are inviting him over because other wise they'd be alone.

Now you're saying that you didn't tell anyone that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you said 13 people would be there for dinner. Assuming you and your spouse have two kids, that is four people. Plus OP's parents makes 6 people. Plus OP's in law parents makes 8 people. Let's assume the neighbor dad has two kids. That makes 11 people. Who are the other two people?

Me, DH, my mom, dad, mil, fil, 2 sils, Dh’s cousin, neighbor and his 3 kids.