parents invited sister to a fall weekend- boundaries crossed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op….it’s not ok to plan an extended family vacation and then invite everyone but one family member. That’s just mean. You should have kept it to just your twin and her kids and not mentioned it to anyone else.

I also think it’s odd that you choose to live two hours away from your parents, and your sister lives ten minutes away, but you complain she gets more child care. Well of course she does. She lives ten minutes away.

You all sound like dramatic nightmares, including you.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op….it’s not ok to plan an extended family vacation and then invite everyone but one family member. That’s just mean. You should have kept it to just your twin and her kids and not mentioned it to anyone else.

I also think it’s odd that you choose to live two hours away from your parents, and your sister lives ten minutes away, but you complain she gets more child care. Well of course she does. She lives ten minutes away.

You all sound like dramatic nightmares, including you.

I didn’t plan it inviting everyone…I planned it for my own family and later invited my twin sister. My parents literally asked if they could come.

Sounds like they enjoy your company. Seriously, OP, are you someone who reads something negative into everything? THEY WANT TO BE WITH YOU. SO DOES YOUR OLDER SISTER.

YOUR READING COMPREHENSION IS TERRIBLE (since apparently, for some reason, we’re SHOUTING).

THEY ARE NOT CONNECTED. My reading comprehension is fine. Why would someone go to so much trouble spending time with OP and her twin sister if they didn't car about her? They love her. They want her company. Doesn't that mean anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op….it’s not ok to plan an extended family vacation and then invite everyone but one family member. That’s just mean. You should have kept it to just your twin and her kids and not mentioned it to anyone else.

I also think it’s odd that you choose to live two hours away from your parents, and your sister lives ten minutes away, but you complain she gets more child care. Well of course she does. She lives ten minutes away.

You all sound like dramatic nightmares, including you.

I didn’t plan it inviting everyone…I planned it for my own family and later invited my twin sister. My parents literally asked if they could come.

Sounds like they enjoy your company. Seriously, OP, are you someone who reads something negative into everything? THEY WANT TO BE WITH YOU. SO DOES YOUR OLDER SISTER.

YOUR READING COMPREHENSION IS TERRIBLE (since apparently, for some reason, we’re SHOUTING).

This is not always the motivation. Lots of people want to be made to feel better about their poor behavior. Oh look we are all on vacation together; everything has blown over, no need to talk about anything or respect anything that was said.

OP I don’t know if you are in the wrong here but I agree with everyone that you need to just realize this is how it is and it isn’t going to change.

THEY ARE NOT CONNECTED. My reading comprehension is fine. Why would someone go to so much trouble spending time with OP and her twin sister if they didn't car about her? They love her. They want her company. Doesn't that mean anything?

[Anonymous]

I just gotta say OP is A LOT. Your whole family is a lot. Too much drama. You don’t get to be the victim when you’re helping to create so much drama.

[Anonymous]

You.....sound crazy.

Why was your older sister that you hate your maid of honor and not your twin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d just go for the weekend and have no contact with any of them. They’re staying in a separate place, yes? Just block their texts and calls. Go about your business. I’m serious. If your parents and and older sister want to hang out at some resort in WV, that’s their prerogative. But you’re under no obligation to have any meals with them, tell them where you’re going or what you’re doing.

LOL is this your actual advice?

I think this is great advice, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op….it’s not ok to plan an extended family vacation and then invite everyone but one family member. That’s just mean. You should have kept it to just your twin and her kids and not mentioned it to anyone else.

I also think it’s odd that you choose to live two hours away from your parents, and your sister lives ten minutes away, but you complain she gets more child care. Well of course she does. She lives ten minutes away.

You all sound like dramatic nightmares, including you.

It’s not that big a deal that she gets more childcare, I get that she lives nearby but the fact that she throws it in my face and our other sisters face like she’s entitled to it and doesn’t recognize it’s a huge privilege is problematic and said it’s hurtful for me to even recognize her privilege… The other piece is when her child came along, visits with my family mostly stopped. We used to see them more frequently, they used to come for the day just to spend the day with the kids, even if I was at work and this literally stopped. Cold Turkey. Instead of special days with grandparents which they were always welcome to do….we have a 3 hour visit where they come to my house for lunch and abruptly leave when my dad is just done. They have made a big deal about being able to see my niece grow up when we aren’t that far at all. We have a nice guest room and cook and always treat them to a nice meal. It’s the dramatic change in attention my kids get, who have begun to notice. They truly do prioritize my niece over any other grandkids and minimize the kids may feel hurt.

You're jealous, baby, just grow up and deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d just go for the weekend and have no contact with any of them. They’re staying in a separate place, yes? Just block their texts and calls. Go about your business. I’m serious. If your parents and and older sister want to hang out at some resort in WV, that’s their prerogative. But you’re under no obligation to have any meals with them, tell them where you’re going or what you’re doing.

LOL is this your actual advice?

I think this is great advice, actually.

I do too. OP - where are you and twin sister staying? What about your parents/older sister? Can you and twin sister plan activities for the weekend and if older sister complains, just remind her she doesn’t need to do them? Or only tell them if plans if they ask?

If older sister complains about any of the costs, will your parents cover her share?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You.....sound crazy.

Why was your older sister that you hate your maid of honor and not your twin?

This stood out to me too. Guessing OP didn’t find all these problems with her parents/sister until she got jealous of the childcare.

[Anonymous]

Op, how did it go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, how did it go?

They’re not going until next weekend.

[Anonymous]

You really need a therapist to help you set boundaries

Your parents are NEVER EVER going to be who you want them to be. Mine won’t be either. But I let that nonsense go in my early twenties and can navigate them with fairly low contact.

When your parents ask to go on vacation with you, the answer is no. When jerky sister texts that she wants to be on vacation with you, your response should be “this vacation was not intended for the full family.”

The only person you should spend time with is your twin sister. And that is assuming she is actually a supportive sister.

Tell your mom you are ignoring all Brene Brown texts and that if she cannot drop this, she and your dad will be seeing WV mostly on their own.

You are creating some of this drama by not recognizing who people are. Again, get a therapist.

[Anonymous]

TL;DR. I stopped reading at “narc tendencies” because anyone who wrote as much as you did, well…you know…

But your diatribe alone and inability to get to any type of point = you clearly have as many issues as I assume you accuse your family of having.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You.....sound crazy.

Why was your older sister that you hate your maid of honor and not your twin?

This stood out to me too. Guessing OP didn’t find all these problems with her parents/sister until she got jealous of the childcare.

Families with 3 girls sometimes decide to kind of round robin MOH. We did this. #1 is MOH for #2, #2 for #3, and #3 for #1. And now, of course, I hate my big sister, we don’t speak, and she’s a horrible person who no one will ever marry, so I never got to do the MOH thing.

[Anonymous]

Op, your parents are not going to change. Nobody owes you free childcare. Stop inviting them and your older sister to things. Your older sister doesn’t owe you “recognition of her privilege “ of getting free childcare. Your parents don’t owe you free childcare.