parents invited sister to a fall weekend- boundaries crossed

[Anonymous]

OP- I'm with you. You invited your parents because they asked to come, and then they invited your older sister without talking with you and knowing that you/she are having a lot of difficulties.
At this point, there is nothing to do but go, minimize drama by not responding to digs and attention seeking behavior (maybe limit contact where it's possible), then make sure that you only invite your sister next year and tell your parents "no" when they ask to come.
As for your parents, that can't be helped- they've clearly assigned roles for each of you in the family- you don't have to play those parts but don't expect any more than the bare minimum that they give.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the poster who says just let your sister know that you hadn’t made any arrangement for her so she needs to handle that herself. Or tell your mom to tell her that. Done. I’m sorry your weekend is ruined. Don’t invite the parents next time either. Just make it a twin thing.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm sorry your weekend away is a bit of a mess. Can you cancel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the future: don't invite your parents on vacation with you.

For this weekend: tell your big sis she needs to do like your parents and get her own room, then make the best of it. Write it off as a lesson learned.

+1.

Don’t invite your parents. Don’t invite big sis. If they go, tell them to arrange their accommodations and plans on their own.

You need to take a break from them. They do not sound like nice ppl.

[Anonymous]

OP here- my mom has literally been sending me and my sisters screen shots from Brene Brown that have been taken out of context. The way she is interpreting it is enabling. I'm irritated.

I can't cancel, it's too late now.

[Anonymous]

I guess it’s too late to cancel this weekend but lesson learned: don’t invite/allow your parents to come next time. They’re toxic ppl and so is your big sister. Take a break from them going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- my mom has literally been sending me and my sisters screen shots from Brene Brown that have been taken out of context. The way she is interpreting it is enabling. I'm irritated.

I can't cancel, it's too late now.

I come from dysfunction too. My mom also did Golden Child Scapegoat and then tries to make us all behave like we love eachother in some disturbing of dance of hers. Don't engage. Don't defend. Don't try to reason with her.

Look, if you are desperate enough and can afford it you and twin could back out and say you are all sick or something. Otherwise you go and remember this feeling well so you never get sucked in again. You don't vacation with your parents. You don't tell them about plans you made, even with twin sister.

[Anonymous]

I realize this is not helpful but next time someone say something dumb like "I feel sad for only children" or "it's wrong to not give your child a sibling" can we just save some time and link to this post (and the dozens like it)?

[Anonymous]

I think you literally need to not vacation with your family.

[Anonymous]

Spend as little time as possible with them as possible this weekend.

From here on out? Don't invite anyone you don't want to spend time with.

Your original plan sounds nice.

[Anonymous]

Not only do you not invite them in the future, you don't share any information about your plans.

Is your mom sending negative comments to you and your twin sister now?

[Anonymous]

Your family has long ago shown you who they are- the question is why you continue to enable them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- my mom has literally been sending me and my sisters screen shots from Brene Brown that have been taken out of context. The way she is interpreting it is enabling. I'm irritated.

I can't cancel, it's too late now.

Of course you can cancel,as long as you’re willing to eat the cost. Might be worth it for your mental health.

[Anonymous]

Op….it’s not ok to plan an extended family vacation and then invite everyone but one family member. That’s just mean. You should have kept it to just your twin and her kids and not mentioned it to anyone else.

I also think it’s odd that you choose to live two hours away from your parents, and your sister lives ten minutes away, but you complain she gets more child care. Well of course she does. She lives ten minutes away.

You all sound like dramatic nightmares, including you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d just go for the weekend and have no contact with any of them. They’re staying in a separate place, yes? Just block their texts and calls. Go about your business. I’m serious. If your parents and and older sister want to hang out at some resort in WV, that’s their prerogative. But you’re under no obligation to have any meals with them, tell them where you’re going or what you’re doing.

LOL is this your actual advice?

Seriously. Come on.

However, what I WOULD do is not get involved in the drama or your sister's needs. She was invited to come by your parents and she's a grown up. You don't need to help her with booking a room, transportation, etc., etc. If meals or activities require reservations you make your plans, let her know in case she wants to make the effort to also book and go about your weekend.

I don't perceive this as a dynamic that is going to change and I think you need to figure out how to get over the resentment and let the relationship be what it's going to be. TBH, reaming your parents or a sibling out over unequal childcare or being resentful that your parents don't want to go to Europe is only serving to make you unhappy.