Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't find it traumatizing, maybe annoying. But my oldest has now moved away to college, and I miss those days. Looking back, those years did go by really fast. Like they say, "The days are long, but the years are short." (Sorry, I know that's another cliche).

I literally clicked onto this thread to hate on this little proverb. It's a pet peeve of mine. When you boil it down, it's basically saying "Parenting is a grind now so yep, you're miserable and it's going to feel never ending. But you can look forward to STILL looking back with regret that it's over and your kid is gone!"

Np I don't read it that way at all. Yes, the days are long but, that doesn't mean it is always dire. And the years are short meaning childhood is short. But, if you put in the time for a relationship than that lasts much longer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't find it traumatizing, maybe annoying. But my oldest has now moved away to college, and I miss those days. Looking back, those years did go by really fast. Like they say, "The days are long, but the years are short." (Sorry, I know that's another cliche).

I literally clicked onto this thread to hate on this little proverb. It's a pet peeve of mine. When you boil it down, it's basically saying "Parenting is a grind now so yep, you're miserable and it's going to feel never ending. But you can look forward to STILL looking back with regret that it's over and your kid is gone!"

That saying is so true though. Parenting young children is a long, hard slog. Some days are brutal. All parents have had those days when their kids’ bedtime couldn’t come fast enough. However, if you’ve been a parent for more than a few years, you know that each year seems to pass more quickly than the last. A year with a 14 year old passes in the blink of an eye compared to a year with a 4 year old. It’s not so much that you wish your children were little again as it is that you wonder how it’s possible that the child you were taking to elementary school not all that long ago is now in high school. Or college. Or is getting married. Or is now a parent herself.

Oh, I don't disagree. But what in the world is the point of telling someone that? Especially as it's usually at a moment where the person you are telling is experiencing some sort of early parenthood challenge. We all know it, it's not helpful to hear it when you're amidst the struggle.

[Anonymous]

I love my MIL because she isn’t like this at all. When I’m walking with her and my kids and somebody says to me “you’re going to miss this phase so much,” my MIL will butt in and say “I don’t! I’m so glad that’s over.”

She was and is an amazing mom and raised great kids, she just remembers how hard it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my MIL because she isn’t like this at all. When I’m walking with her and my kids and somebody says to me “you’re going to miss this phase so much,” my MIL will butt in and say “I don’t! I’m so glad that’s over.”

She was and is an amazing mom and raised great kids, she just remembers how hard it was.

And someone who does miss it, must not remember how hard it was? Your assumption seems to be that no one actually enjoys parenting or could ever genuinely miss it; that's just not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't find it traumatizing, maybe annoying. But my oldest has now moved away to college, and I miss those days. Looking back, those years did go by really fast. Like they say, "The days are long, but the years are short." (Sorry, I know that's another cliche).

I literally clicked onto this thread to hate on this little proverb. It's a pet peeve of mine. When you boil it down, it's basically saying "Parenting is a grind now so yep, you're miserable and it's going to feel never ending. But you can look forward to STILL looking back with regret that it's over and your kid is gone!"

That saying is so true though. Parenting young children is a long, hard slog. Some days are brutal. All parents have had those days when their kids’ bedtime couldn’t come fast enough. However, if you’ve been a parent for more than a few years, you know that each year seems to pass more quickly than the last. A year with a 14 year old passes in the blink of an eye compared to a year with a 4 year old. It’s not so much that you wish your children were little again as it is that you wonder how it’s possible that the child you were taking to elementary school not all that long ago is now in high school. Or college. Or is getting married. Or is now a parent herself.

Oh, I don't disagree. But what in the world is the point of telling someone that? Especially as it's usually at a moment where the person you are telling is experiencing some sort of early parenthood challenge. We all know it, it's not helpful to hear it when you're amidst the struggle.

Oh, that I understand. I’d never say it to someone who is struggling. Someone said it to me when I was pregnant with my first. I think that was okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my MIL because she isn’t like this at all. When I’m walking with her and my kids and somebody says to me “you’re going to miss this phase so much,” my MIL will butt in and say “I don’t! I’m so glad that’s over.”

She was and is an amazing mom and raised great kids, she just remembers how hard it was.

And someone who does miss it, must not remember how hard it was? Your assumption seems to be that no one actually enjoys parenting or could ever genuinely miss it; that's just not true.

Alright fine she just had a different opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my MIL because she isn’t like this at all. When I’m walking with her and my kids and somebody says to me “you’re going to miss this phase so much,” my MIL will butt in and say “I don’t! I’m so glad that’s over.”

She was and is an amazing mom and raised great kids, she just remembers how hard it was.

And someone who does miss it, must not remember how hard it was? Your assumption seems to be that no one actually enjoys parenting or could ever genuinely miss it; that's just not true.

Alright fine she just had a different opinion.

(Although she did raise 9 kids so many who raised two would feel differently doing it with 9)

[Anonymous]

Statements and attitudes like this were TERRIBLE for my PPD. I was trying SO HARD to enjoy my beloved, wanted, adored children but every moment of the day was such a terrible struggle. I was basically nonfunctional, I was miserable all the time, I was crying 8-10 times a day every day. I literally ate a big box of cookies every day for months because food was my only comfort. I put on 30 pounds. I knew I would regret not enjoying them but you can’t willpower or attitude adjust depression away. It doesn’t work like that. So on top of the misery, I had the guilt and failure for being miserable.

I will never say anything like this to any parent.

[Anonymous]

Traumatizing no. Annoying yes.
It smacks of toxic positivity. It’s one more things moms are supposed to be doing or feel like they are failing at.

It’s on my list of inane things people say without thinking and then they get all flustered and confused if you call them out on on it.
“Boys will be boys” & “he’s all boy” because why teach kids how to be decent humans when you can make excuses?

Implying sexuality or sexual attraction between young children with “watch out dad” or boyfriend / girlfriend talk about preschoolers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Statements and attitudes like this were TERRIBLE for my PPD. I was trying SO HARD to enjoy my beloved, wanted, adored children but every moment of the day was such a terrible struggle. I was basically nonfunctional, I was miserable all the time, I was crying 8-10 times a day every day. I literally ate a big box of cookies every day for months because food was my only comfort. I put on 30 pounds. I knew I would regret not enjoying them but you can’t willpower or attitude adjust depression away. It doesn’t work like that. So on top of the misery, I had the guilt and failure for being miserable.

I will never say anything like this to any parent.

I’m so sorry. Big hugs.

[Anonymous]

No. It’s good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is not to cool to say to expectant parents, "You have no idea what you are getting into" or "Your life will never be the same" (in an ominous way). They are nervous enough.

I’ve only ever heard “your life will never the same” in a happy, excited way. Never ominous.

[Anonymous]

Ha! We just sent a kid off to college. I resist saying, "enjoy this time it goes too fast" to parents of kids under 5 -- but it's there on the mind. The earlier years can feel like a bunch of 72-hour days, no doubt about it. But the physical exhaustion does pass. The hard parts of parenting change as your children grow. By the time our kid was 17, we barely saw her even when she was *in the house*. I understood it, though: she was gearing up to physically separate from us to be able to leave for college.

Parenting is the process of slowly letting go. It starts out intense, eases up, and then they just slip away one day and leave.

[Anonymous]

I think that it's more truthful to say cherish your little sweet cute kids - the kids themselves at the younger sweet ages, because when they become teens and are arguing and slamming doors they're not cute. When they start driving and partying and having sex, even less cute, more worry.

[Anonymous]

Empathy Reminder: did it ever strike you that those older women are experiencing their own trauma? Triggered by seeing your angelic child. It is called Empty Nest.

Again, don't see other moms (even those in different phases of the process) as judges or competitors. They are on the same journey as you, just in a different leg.