Middle-aged single men: what are you relationships with 20-something women like?

[Anonymous]

Most old men who chase 20ish women look foolish and old. Young women are grossed out their old bodies and bored by their out of touch minds. The relationship is about $$ for sex, that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

The usual DCUM pseudo-intellectual man hating rant. God forbid guys want to bang hot young women. Just like chicks like hot rich guys—think Tom Brady!

[Anonymous]

So are we pretending now that all those 40+ married DCUMs are having stimulating meaningful discussions about 'shared hobbies' and whatnot with their husbands on most evenings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So are we pretending now that all those 40+ married DCUMs are having stimulating meaningful discussions about 'shared hobbies' and whatnot with their husbands on most evenings?

I think the idea is that for that to happen, you don't need a 20-year old. Unless something is wrong with him, a man should be able to have stimulating meaning conversations about shared hobbies with women his own age.

[Anonymous]

I would say that people in their 40s are actually less interesting when it comes to intellectual and stimulating conversations than adults in their 20s.

I have a niece in her 20s and I quite enjoy spending time with her. She is into many different things as she has the energy and enthusiasm that I once had but no longer do. She has travelled and goes to various art / music productions, she reads, she has an interest in certain political issues. She has a full time career that she is passionate about. She has been in 3 serious longish relationships. I think she is actually a far more interesting person to have conversations with than I am at this point in life!

I think age gap relationships can work if people have shared interests and a deep connection. Many aspects of life that create compatibility are not dependent on chronological age. Relationships at any age are a challenge so if you really click with someone I say go for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that people in their 40s are actually less interesting when it comes to intellectual and stimulating conversations than adults in their 20s.

I have a niece in her 20s and I quite enjoy spending time with her. She is into many different things as she has the energy and enthusiasm that I once had but no longer do. She has travelled and goes to various art / music productions, she reads, she has an interest in certain political issues. She has a full time career that she is passionate about. She has been in 3 serious longish relationships. I think she is actually a far more interesting person to have conversations with than I am at this point in life!

I think age gap relationships can work if people have shared interests and a deep connection. Many aspects of life that create compatibility are not dependent on chronological age. Relationships at any age are a challenge so if you really click with someone I say go for it!

That's so odd to me. I mean, I definitely had stimulating intellectual conversations in my 20s, but I still have them now at 40.

[Anonymous]

I dated a very wealthy late 40s man when I was in my late 20s in law school. I got the sense he was looking for escapism and was uninterested in a woman who was focused on her career and his intellectual equal. Nice guy but only looking to escape his middle-aged life. I then dated a man in his early 40s who was much more of a match, but also in essential ways just looking to escape his middle-age responsibilities.

Anyway any man in his 40s dating an undergrad clearly has issues. At least I had already lived a lot and knew how to take care of myself. A 19 yr old is almost a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just posted in another SB/sd related thread

"i'm m/48/divorced with two young kids/no intent to marry (at least for another 10yrs lol) and have been a SD for several years now (sexless marriage before the D)

AMA!"

anyway to answer the OP question ... a LOT of 20s young girls who are SB acutally have plenty of stuff in common and tons and tons to talk about. why is this even a question? books, movies, music, travel, food, politics, religion the list is endless. most of the SB i have dated are from either GW, American or G'town so it is not like dating uneducated bimbos. the beauty of the relationship is that these young girls are developing interests, have ideals, dreams, and more often than not have a life outlook that is not "tainted" by too much negative life experience. i find the conversations (before and after the sex) to be quite fun actually. all my SB and I go out on regular dates too like movies, restaurants and shit. One of them I have taken with me overseas five times for fun vacations (sex filled, fun filled and yes conversation filled as well)

it seems only the frumpy 40+ hags of DC would even ask a stupid question like this.

so basically you take advantage of immature 20 year olds because you can’t handle women your own age. PS: the 20 year olds think you’re gross and sketchy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know woman in there 20s that can have much more intellectual conversations than most woman in their 40s. And I know woman in their 40's that can put most 20 somethings to shame in the bedroom.

Stop trying to paint picture based on the ages of ADULTS, paint a picture of individuals.

Eh. They are having sex. They are having “intellectual” conversations but without the understanding of life experience, like you would do with your kids. I have intellectual conversations with my 11 year old, but they are not the conversations of an equal with an equal understanding of ideals vs reality. Is it intellectual sure. Is it the same? No.

That said, a man can feel that fatherly feelings put him more in control of the relationship, but a woman does not ever want to be a mother to another person and this is why women typically don’t seriously date younger men.

There is nothing better than having a beautiful young woman who is glass eyed and positive about the world. One who has youthful enthusiasm. I’ll take that or a older and wiser cynic any day.

I don’t know, how recent is your experience with young people? A lot of the young single twentysomethings I meet today are sullen, anxious, angry, and already terminally therapy-ridden. The ones who aren’t easily find relationships with peers their own age. Youthful bright eyed and bushy tailed is an ideal projected from the old onto the young.

exactly. the 20 year olds meeting 45 year old men on Tinder (especially under the guise of being “pampered”) are not the innocent and care-free ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

I think it betrays misogyny on the part of women who resent younger women, TBH.

I don’t resent them. I want to protect them. because I WAS them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't think I have a low opinion of women in their 20s. Generally, our babysitters are college and grad students. Some are quite mature, and I like many of them. But I can't imagine having more than an occasional conversation with them that doesn't feel like parent/child or mentor/mentee. The interests, the naivete ... so much just doesn't seem to match up to someone who's been an independent, professional adult for 20 years and a parent, to boot. But thanks for the responses. Interesting. one thing that seems clear is that even when there is conversation, it's not enough to build a strong relationship. They still fade out after a few months, at best.

NP here, a woman. I agree with you, and it betrays a certain misogyny on the part of these men that they admire that naivete and unfounded optimism. They think they're defending the intellects of these young women, when in fact they're insulting them by admiring women at their least intellectually evolved state.

I think it betrays misogyny on the part of women who resent younger women, TBH.

I think it betrays insecurity on behalf of older women and the dehumanization of women (generally) on by men, old and young.

I remember both groups projecting a lot of their own shit onto me when I was in my twenties. And definitely, definitely underestimating me.

Very depressing.

-36yo woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late 50s. A year ago I was dating someone a dozen years younger, and I liked that. Since the breakup I've ended up sleeping with several mid- and late-20s women. One of them didn't become a girlfriend, or a FWB, but she had become a really close platonic friend. We have similar interests and challenges in life.

How does a 50-something man meet women in the 20's and get them to be interested in going out with the older, perhaps not fully sexually-functional, kind? This is a serious question.

The quality of men has gone downhill in that older ones are sought after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of the twenty somethings in one of those relationships years ago. It was actually really nice until I wanted to settle down. He was able to go nice places with me (I earned my own money so didn't have to rely on him) and we were able to be equals on my levels. The point at which it became an issue is when I wanted to get married and he wanted his continued bachelorhood. After three years, I ended it. I still think about him and still believe it was one of my more functional relationships.
Plus, the sex was amazing.

sounds like you were a college grad with a job and he was actually interested in a long-term relationship (albeit not marriage). dating a 39 year old like that when you are 24-25 is very different from a 45 year old dude picking up 20 year olds on tinder because he specifically likes how innocent they are and offers to “pamper” them. I’ve done both. My mid 20s relationship with a 40 yr old was lovely. being exploited by a creepy 45 yr old when I was in my first office job, not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just posted in another SB/sd related thread

"i'm m/48/divorced with two young kids/no intent to marry (at least for another 10yrs lol) and have been a SD for several years now (sexless marriage before the D)

AMA!"

anyway to answer the OP question ... a LOT of 20s young girls who are SB acutally have plenty of stuff in common and tons and tons to talk about. why is this even a question? books, movies, music, travel, food, politics, religion the list is endless. most of the SB i have dated are from either GW, American or G'town so it is not like dating uneducated bimbos. the beauty of the relationship is that these young girls are developing interests, have ideals, dreams, and more often than not have a life outlook that is not "tainted" by too much negative life experience. i find the conversations (before and after the sex) to be quite fun actually. all my SB and I go out on regular dates too like movies, restaurants and shit. One of them I have taken with me overseas five times for fun vacations (sex filled, fun filled and yes conversation filled as well)

it seems only the frumpy 40+ hags of DC would even ask a stupid question like this.

so basically you take advantage of immature 20 year olds because you can’t handle women your own age. PS: the 20 year olds think you’re gross and sketchy.

Well, the mature ones think that. The immature ones, like I was, felt flattered, because we didn't realize what the hell was going on and how gross these men were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just posted in another SB/sd related thread

"i'm m/48/divorced with two young kids/no intent to marry (at least for another 10yrs lol) and have been a SD for several years now (sexless marriage before the D)

AMA!"

anyway to answer the OP question ... a LOT of 20s young girls who are SB acutally have plenty of stuff in common and tons and tons to talk about. why is this even a question? books, movies, music, travel, food, politics, religion the list is endless. most of the SB i have dated are from either GW, American or G'town so it is not like dating uneducated bimbos. the beauty of the relationship is that these young girls are developing interests, have ideals, dreams, and more often than not have a life outlook that is not "tainted" by too much negative life experience. i find the conversations (before and after the sex) to be quite fun actually. all my SB and I go out on regular dates too like movies, restaurants and shit. One of them I have taken with me overseas five times for fun vacations (sex filled, fun filled and yes conversation filled as well)

it seems only the frumpy 40+ hags of DC would even ask a stupid question like this.

so basically you take advantage of immature 20 year olds because you can’t handle women your own age. PS: the 20 year olds think you’re gross and sketchy.

Well, the mature ones think that. The immature ones, like I was, felt flattered, because we didn't realize what the hell was going on and how gross these men were.

+1. and the sex was inevitably bad with the gross men, no?