I met with a divorce attorney today... Surprised...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She will probably have more time to study after divorce. She is a stay-at-home mom while in school FT. That's brutal without childcare. Her husband had free childcare while studying and worked himself up to 160k.

He paid to feed, clothe, house, and entertain her, that wasn't free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have BTDT.
How about getting a better job, once that is FT, that will give you more time out of the house and a higher income to pay for additional childcare?
Disengage from him. Unless you or your child are in danger, focus now on getting your ducks in a row. Go and do whatever you need to do to get yourself financially in shape. Do not expect alimony to solve everything. It sounds like there is no way you can currently afford the house, even with alimony, because it likely won’t be that much.

I'm afraid I have to disagree if she gets a job shed gives up alimony. She spent years supporting her husband while he bettered himself. Don't give that up.

NP but you do realize that alimony is generally modifiable upon a substantial change in circumstances right? It's not like if you race to court and get it now you get to keep it. It will probably net out pretty much the same whether she gets a percentage of a larger pool of assets or saves the alimony funds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have BTDT.
How about getting a better job, once that is FT, that will give you more time out of the house and a higher income to pay for additional childcare?
Disengage from him. Unless you or your child are in danger, focus now on getting your ducks in a row. Go and do whatever you need to do to get yourself financially in shape. Do not expect alimony to solve everything. It sounds like there is no way you can currently afford the house, even with alimony, because it likely won’t be that much.

I'm afraid I have to disagree if she gets a job shed gives up alimony. She spent years supporting her husband while he bettered himself. Don't give that up.

NP but you do realize that alimony is generally modifiable upon a substantial change in circumstances right? It's not like if you race to court and get it now you get to keep it. It will probably net out pretty much the same whether she gets a percentage of a larger pool of assets or saves the alimony funds.

Working FT and being in college FT with young kids is also a bad plan. Alimony was intended to supplement the lower earner's income so they could train for a better job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have BTDT.
How about getting a better job, once that is FT, that will give you more time out of the house and a higher income to pay for additional childcare?
Disengage from him. Unless you or your child are in danger, focus now on getting your ducks in a row. Go and do whatever you need to do to get yourself financially in shape. Do not expect alimony to solve everything. It sounds like there is no way you can currently afford the house, even with alimony, because it likely won’t be that much.

I'm afraid I have to disagree if she gets a job shed gives up alimony. She spent years supporting her husband while he bettered himself. Don't give that up.

NP but you do realize that alimony is generally modifiable upon a substantial change in circumstances right? It's not like if you race to court and get it now you get to keep it. It will probably net out pretty much the same whether she gets a percentage of a larger pool of assets or saves the alimony funds.

I don't see it changing with a social worker salary.

[Anonymous]

I am an attorney, and I always cringe when people come on here asking for legal advice from DCUM. Every case depends on its own facts, and on the law of the jurisdiction that applies, so the free advice you are getting from the lawyer your friend introduced you to and the well intentioned folks on this board can lead you into mistakes that cannot be reversed. You need to hire a real attorney and get real legal advice, especially with children involved. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an attorney, and I always cringe when people come on here asking for legal advice from DCUM. Every case depends on its own facts, and on the law of the jurisdiction that applies, so the free advice you are getting from the lawyer your friend introduced you to and the well intentioned folks on this board can lead you into mistakes that cannot be reversed. You need to hire a real attorney and get real legal advice, especially with children involved. Best of luck.

OP here. Thanks. I will try to erase all of the things I read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met with an attorney yesterday, and he said I would get alimony and, most likely, I could stay in our house—a house we have only owned for a year. I work PT, but I've primarily been a stay-at-home mom for 6+ years. We have a toddler and a kindergartner. HHI is 160k. We do not live in DC. Our area is a little bit less than DC. This attorney will not be my attorney. He's a family friend. He suggested using a mediator. I don't think my husband would go for this. I asked what the are chances that we would both be asked by the judge to get separate apartments, and he said no, not likely because it would be in the best interest of the kids for you, the primary parent, to remain there. He did not recommend that I work FT or change anything now. He said that could be decided later. Our mortgage is almost half of my husband's take-home pay. He said alimony would most likely be half of the time we've been married, so 12 years. My earnings are low as I haven't finished college yet. I assumed people who could remain in the house had lived there for long periods. Is this something the ordinary non-rich people agree on through mediation?
Can a judge decide who stays in the house or force you to sell? The house has been the least of my worries because it's so new. I haven't been attaching myself to it.

Unless this attorney was in the family law space, I would take these comments with a huge grain of salt. These things you have been promised won’t come without a fight.

[Anonymous]

+1
DCUM is an especially bad place to come for help, because people will say that they THINK should be the right answer based on their own biases and experience. That is not necessarily what the law requires. Crowdsourcing is not a substitute for legal advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not realistic to stay in the house. Get a new attorney.
A judge will likely force a sale of the house.

Can you afford the house payment with the alimony payment? Highly unlikey.

This. Your husband has to pay taxes in his $160k and you will have to pay taxes on your alimony. No way you can stay in the house unless it’s a very very cheap house.

Alimony isn’t subject to tax anymore. Not since 2019.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have BTDT.
How about getting a better job, once that is FT, that will give you more time out of the house and a higher income to pay for additional childcare?
Disengage from him. Unless you or your child are in danger, focus now on getting your ducks in a row. Go and do whatever you need to do to get yourself financially in shape. Do not expect alimony to solve everything. It sounds like there is no way you can currently afford the house, even with alimony, because it likely won’t be that much.

I'm afraid I have to disagree if she gets a job shed gives up alimony. She spent years supporting her husband while he bettered himself. Don't give that up.

She will be told by a judge to get a job and a job would probably fetch more than alimony payments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not realistic to stay in the house. Get a new attorney.
A judge will likely force a sale of the house.

Can you afford the house payment with the alimony payment? Highly unlikey.

This. Your husband has to pay taxes in his $160k and you will have to pay taxes on your alimony. No way you can stay in the house unless it’s a very very cheap house.

You don’t pay taxes on alimony. It was already taxed, it can’t be taxed again, same as child support.

Under divorce or separation instruments executed on or before December 31, 2018, alimony payments are deductible by the payer and taxable to the recipient

It’s 2022, ding dong. Alimony is tax neutral now — the payor pays tax on it before it is sent to the recipient. The result is that recipients by and large are receiving less than they used to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have BTDT.
How about getting a better job, once that is FT, that will give you more time out of the house and a higher income to pay for additional childcare?
Disengage from him. Unless you or your child are in danger, focus now on getting your ducks in a row. Go and do whatever you need to do to get yourself financially in shape. Do not expect alimony to solve everything. There is no way you can currently afford the house, even with alimony, because it likely won’t be that much.

I'm afraid I have to disagree if she gets a job shed gives up alimony. She spent years supporting her husband while he bettered himself. Don't give that up.

She will be told by a judge to get a job and a job would probably fetch more than alimony payments.

She can have both. OP, if you're still here, insist on FT childcare. Your husband can afford ot with 160k. Do that so you can focus on college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have BTDT.
How about getting a better job, once that is FT, that will give you more time out of the house and a higher income to pay for additional childcare?
Disengage from him. Unless you or your child are in danger, focus now on getting your ducks in a row. Go and do whatever you need to do to get yourself financially in shape. Do not expect alimony to solve everything. There is no way you can currently afford the house, even with alimony, because it likely won’t be that much.

I'm afraid I have to disagree if she gets a job shed gives up alimony. She spent years supporting her husband while he bettered himself. Don't give that up.

She will be told by a judge to get a job and a job would probably fetch more than alimony payments.

She can have both. OP, if you're still here, insist on FT childcare. Your husband can afford ot with 160k. Do that so you can focus on college.

She would be expected to contribute to child care too. There's no "insisting" on anything. That's not how things work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I have BTDT.
How about getting a better job, once that is FT, that will give you more time out of the house and a higher income to pay for additional childcare?
Disengage from him. Unless you or your child are in danger, focus now on getting your ducks in a row. Go and do whatever you need to do to get yourself financially in shape. Do not expect alimony to solve everything. There is no way you can currently afford the house, even with alimony, because it likely won’t be that much.

I'm afraid I have to disagree if she gets a job shed gives up alimony. She spent years supporting her husband while he bettered himself. Don't give that up.

She will be told by a judge to get a job and a job would probably fetch more than alimony payments.

She can have both. OP, if you're still here, insist on FT childcare. Your husband can afford ot with 160k. Do that so you can focus on college.

She would be expected to contribute to child care too. There's no "insisting" on anything. That's not how things work.

Says who? He had free childcare while he was in school. She should have the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an attorney, and I always cringe when people come on here asking for legal advice from DCUM. Every case depends on its own facts, and on the law of the jurisdiction that applies, so the free advice you are getting from the lawyer your friend introduced you to and the well intentioned folks on this board can lead you into mistakes that cannot be reversed. You need to hire a real attorney and get real legal advice, especially with children involved. Best of luck.

OP here. Thanks. I will try to erase all of the things I read.

Hard to tell if you are serious or sarcastic - but I do hope you get advice better than all the half baked opinions being thrown around on here!