I met with a divorce attorney today... Surprised...

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06/14/2022 08:29

Subject: I met with a divorce attorney today... Surprised...

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP.

Just in case it hasn't sunk in, divorce is financially the worst decision a middle class person can make. So unless you believe you can marry richer, become yourself a high earner, or win the lottery...

Of course, if he's abusive, that's another story.

This. OP, make sure it’s worth it. You’ll be working a FT job, will lose your family home, and will spend a lot to lose it.

OP here. I could marry someone with a similar income to DH. He is abusive. I've been with him since I was 22. My family home is new to me. I am not attached to it. You can't put a price on peace. My husband is controlling about so many aspects of my life, even the clothes I wear. I am Muslim. I don't wear a hijab. I didn't learn how to be assertive from my family. He doesn't help out at home or hire help. My job never stops. I am scared of what I might do if I don't get out. I imagine running away from my family. I have a lot of rage. It's not a good situation.

I am sorry you are going through this. PLEASE don’t even think about the possibility of marrying someone with a similar income as your husband who will be good to you and your kids. That kind of man is very very hard to find. Think realistically. You are the mother of 2 young children, and your earning potential is limited. Most desirable men (earning/good partner) are not even going to give you a second look.
You need to focus the most on making your current situation bearable while increasing your earning power.
You will be in a much better situation once you have a stable career. Meanwhile, your kids will get older and not require expensive childcare, and the equity in your home will increase so that when you do divorce, you will have some equity and be able to purchase a smaller home for yourself and your kids.

I know it goes without saying, but don’t get pregnant again.
Make your career a priority.
You do not need to hire help. My ex never did either. We survived.

This. OP, you aren’t going to find anyone better to support you and your two kids. It’s harsh, but the truth.

+1. OP, the best thing you can do for your kids is to stop your part in fighting with your husband, switch to a higher paying field of study, and do everything you can to make your home life as pleasant as possible until you can support yourself. Try to find low cost counseling to help manage your rage and grow up. You're creating this awful home environment just as much as your husband is.

You're focused on finding another man to marry and pick up supporting you and your kids. That's very unlikely because you're uneducated, make very little money, are extremely immature, and like to see yourself as a victim. It's unlikely that a decent man who treats his wife as an equal partner would be interested in you. You're also no longer young, naïve, and childless, so a traditional Muslim man expecting to support a young wife to bear him children wouldn't be interested in you now.

For once in your life, put your children ahead of your own selfish desires. Plan to divorce if you want, but do it smartly and not catapult your children into poverty just because you want to show him you can't be controlled. It will take you at least a few years to get a degree in a better paying field and save up some money to support yourself and your kids. Drop the teenage rebellion act and plan like an adult. You and your children will be happier in the end.

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06/14/2022 08:34