I met with a divorce attorney today... Surprised...

[Anonymous]

I met with an attorney yesterday, and he said I would get alimony and, most likely, I could stay in our house—a house we have only owned for a year. I work PT, but I've primarily been a stay-at-home mom for 6+ years. We have a toddler and a kindergartner. HHI is 160k. We do not live in DC. Our area is a little bit less than DC. This attorney will not be my attorney. He's a family friend. He suggested using a mediator. I don't think my husband would go for this. I asked what the are chances that we would both be asked by the judge to get separate apartments, and he said no, not likely because it would be in the best interest of the kids for you, the primary parent, to remain there. He did not recommend that I work FT or change anything now. He said that could be decided later. Our mortgage is almost half of my husband's take-home pay. He said alimony would most likely be half of the time we've been married, so 12 years. My earnings are low as I haven't finished college yet. I assumed people who could remain in the house had lived there for long periods. Is this something the ordinary non-rich people agree on through mediation?
Can a judge decide who stays in the house or force you to sell? The house has been the least of my worries because it's so new. I haven't been attaching myself to it.

[Anonymous]

You can’t use just a mediator, you need to have an attorney, too. A mediator won’t have your best interest in mind.

I wouldn’t go by what a friend says. My xH had multiple attorney friends who told him all kinds of crazy things, like if he totaled up everything spent on me during our marriage, a judge would force me to pay that back (obviously not true).

Alimony is unlikely, but depends on the state you are in and the judge you get.

You might be able to stay in the house but you’ll have to pay the mortgage. Can you afford that?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I meant to write six years would be half of the time we have been married. DH's income is 160k. I work 18 hours a week in a retail type of job. I am in college right now studying social work. Not a money maker, unfortunately, but flexible enough that I can take courses online.
I can study at work because there's a lot of downtime. I did not take out student loans because I have a 75 percent scholarship. I pay for the rest out of pocket. I'm not necessarily ready to file asap. I am just looking into it.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

It is not realistic to stay in the house. Get a new attorney.
A judge will likely force a sale of the house.

Can you afford the house payment with the alimony payment? Highly unlikey.

[Anonymous]

The only people who stay in the house is if they have the money to afford it alone. Many times, the man keeps the house as the higher earner, if he can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t use just a mediator, you need to have an attorney, too. A mediator won’t have your best interest in mind.

I wouldn’t go by what a friend says. My xH had multiple attorney friends who told him all kinds of crazy things, like if he totaled up everything spent on me during our marriage, a judge would force me to pay that back (obviously not true).

Alimony is unlikely, but depends on the state you are in and the judge you get.

You might be able to stay in the house but you’ll have to pay the mortgage. Can you afford that?

OP here. He's not a friend. He is someone a family member introduced me to. Why is alimony unlikely after 12 years of marriage? Because of his income? It seems it would be more likely before I finish college than waiting until after I finish. I have moved all over the country supporting him while he got a Ph.D., contracting jobs, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Can a judge decide who stays in the house or force you to sell?

You don't want the judge to decide. You want to arrive at a reasonable separation agreement by yourselves and not go to court. Going to court only makes lawyers rich.

Lawyers will tell you all sorts of things you want to hear - but keep in mind his lawyers will be doing the same thing.

Face the facts that you will probably have to get a job.

[Anonymous]

Alimony is unlikey for a lot of people. Most, actually. You may get it for half the length of the marriage if you stayed at home...but you will likely not be able to afford to keep your house using alimony payments...it won't be enough money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not realistic to stay in the house. Get a new attorney.
A judge will likely force a sale of the house.

Can you afford the house payment with the alimony payment? Highly unlikey.

This. You will not get 100% of his salary and you cannot afford this lifestyle married or divorced. You can keep the house but can you pay mortgage and utilities?

[Anonymous]

I doubt you'll be able to afford the house. Your husband isn't paying alimony, child support and the mortgage. You will get half the house however. Could you move to a smaller home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Can a judge decide who stays in the house or force you to sell?

You don't want the judge to decide. You want to arrive at a reasonable separation agreement by yourselves and not go to court. Going to court only makes lawyers rich.

Lawyers will tell you all sorts of things you want to hear - but keep in mind his lawyers will be doing the same thing.

Face the facts that you will probably have to get a job.

+100. Keep it out of court. You can do this with attorneys with paperwork or mediation. You don't want a judge involved. That is a costly legal battle, too.

You will need to get a job to maintain your quality of life. I had to go back to work to divorce; alimony would not have been enough to live and no way I could have kept the house. My ex makes more than yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t use just a mediator, you need to have an attorney, too. A mediator won’t have your best interest in mind.

I wouldn’t go by what a friend says. My xH had multiple attorney friends who told him all kinds of crazy things, like if he totaled up everything spent on me during our marriage, a judge would force me to pay that back (obviously not true).

Alimony is unlikely, but depends on the state you are in and the judge you get.

You might be able to stay in the house but you’ll have to pay the mortgage. Can you afford that?

OP here. He's not a friend. He is someone a family member introduced me to. Why is alimony unlikely after 12 years of marriage? Because of his income? It seems it would be more likely before I finish college than waiting until after I finish. I have moved all over the country supporting him while he got a Ph.D., contracting jobs, etc etc.

You will probably get some alimony and schikd support but it will not be enough to cover all your expenses and pay for school. If the mortgage is 1-2 his income, how will you afford it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not realistic to stay in the house. Get a new attorney.
A judge will likely force a sale of the house.

Can you afford the house payment with the alimony payment? Highly unlikey.

This. Your husband has to pay taxes in his $160k and you will have to pay taxes on your alimony. No way you can stay in the house unless it’s a very very cheap house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Can a judge decide who stays in the house or force you to sell?

You don't want the judge to decide. You want to arrive at a reasonable separation agreement by yourselves and not go to court. Going to court only makes lawyers rich.

Lawyers will tell you all sorts of things you want to hear - but keep in mind his lawyers will be doing the same thing.

Face the facts that you will probably have to get a job.

I understand all of that, but my husband isn't reasonable. I just don't see him agreeing to any of this without involving a judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t use just a mediator, you need to have an attorney, too. A mediator won’t have your best interest in mind.

I wouldn’t go by what a friend says. My xH had multiple attorney friends who told him all kinds of crazy things, like if he totaled up everything spent on me during our marriage, a judge would force me to pay that back (obviously not true).

Alimony is unlikely, but depends on the state you are in and the judge you get.

You might be able to stay in the house but you’ll have to pay the mortgage. Can you afford that?

OP here. He's not a friend. He is someone a family member introduced me to. Why is alimony unlikely after 12 years of marriage? Because of his income? It seems it would be more likely before I finish college than waiting until after I finish. I have moved all over the country supporting him while he got a Ph.D., contracting jobs, etc etc.

Is this a family law attorney? You need to consult with multiple family law attorneys. They will all tell you something different, and usually if it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Alimony is rarely granted nowadays. A judge does not care that you moved across the country for him. BTDT. They just say to go get a job. You may be able to get a little bit of money to support you while you finish school but that’s it. The fantasy that you’ll get to live in your house while your H pays the mortgage is just that - fantasy. I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment after my divorce.